If there's one thing we know about David French, alleged 'conservative' columnist for The New York Times, it is that he is always disappointed in us.
But if we know two things about him, the second is that there is no issue that he will not gaslight, lie, and scold actual conservatives about. Journalist Chris Rufo has called him 'a supremely dishonest person,' and that seems like the understatement of the century. French has made 'the conservative case' for so many leftist issues -- including welcoming a man in a dress to The Dispatch as if he were a woman -- that he's become nothing more than a punchline.
He's the punchline that keeps on giving, though, as each new headline and column he writes seems to beat the last for pure cringeworthiness.
French may have finally outdone himself today, however, with a new column about how Christianity in America -- yes, Christianity -- is making him VERY nervous. The headline was so bad that conservative Will Chamberlain thinks that French may have finally achieved the singularity of Frenchiness.
I've found it, guys. The ultimate David French headline. There will never be a more David Frenchian headline than this. We have reached peak David Frenchism. pic.twitter.com/pAtIN6Z1fi
— Will Chamberlain (@willchamberlain) October 16, 2025
We're not going to bother anyone with the column itself (it's available here if you want to punish yourself), but suffice it to say that the body of the story was just as apex Frenchism as the headline. This one short excerpt tells you all you need to know:
But that is hardly the universal experience people are having with America’s religious surge. There is darkness right alongside the light. Christians stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6, 2021 ...
Oh, good Lord. We can stop reading right there.
Twenty years from now, if we're still being subjected to his columns, French will still be obsessed with January 6.
Needless to say, he displays a complete ignorance of MAGA and Christianity throughout the rest of his article as well. But that headline is the height of Frenchian unintentional comedy.
Recommended
As predictable as the sun rising in the East. https://t.co/5C1XgnOvVr
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) October 16, 2025
The funny part of that comment is that French would absolutely deny that the sun rises in the East if Democrats told him to, and it meant more leftist credit points and cocktail parties for him.
The grift that keeps on grifting. https://t.co/wiVJXPYNdZ
— Mario Diaz (@mariodiazesq) October 16, 2025
Bingo.
Christians: We want heaven to be absolutely crowded with people who respond to the Good News of Jesus Christ! This revival is exciting!
— Political Sock (@politicalsock) October 16, 2025
David French: Guys, I’m nervous. This feels very Christiany.
French's idea of Christianity is basically bending the knee to the godless left. Just like he does.
He is entirely unfamiliar with the Christianity of St. Michael -- or Jesus himself, for that matter.
He fulfilled another Babylon Bee Prophecy: pic.twitter.com/mzu132VGdJ
— AJ Geezer (@GeezerAndDeezer) October 16, 2025
Is there anything that The Babylon Bee hasn't predicted?
— Mary Kat (@MemberVRWC) October 16, 2025
HAAAAAA. That's brilliantly accurate.
"The conservative case against Christianity." - David French https://t.co/ZqxGkFfQGI
— The Goat (@Pebo4Real) October 16, 2025
That's basically his argument, yes.
Still, some people on X were dubious of Chamberlain's claim that this is the pinnacle of Frenchism.
You may think you've seen peak David Frenchism, but the thing about David Frenchism is, it's always capable of outdoing itself
— FilmLadd (@FilmLadd) October 16, 2025
We can't wait for him to make 'the conservative case' for Jay Jones having fantasies about killing Republican children.
Come now. If we know anything about David Frenchianisms its that they can always get David Frenchier. https://t.co/5UXiykIjf0
— Beard and Circus (@Shooter_ptpx01) October 16, 2025
He'll be writing about how Antifa assaulting ICE officers is a 'blessing of liberty' by next week.
I bet that within the next 2 years he can beat this...
— Andrew Follett (@AndrewCFollett) October 16, 2025
Two years? We'll take the under on that bet.
French isn't likely to go two weeks before writing something even more horrible.
He's scared of christians?? Demonic spirits usually are. https://t.co/OvF0Oyq9lZ
— Luvbug1970 (@CLubonovic) October 16, 2025
Ahem.
Hey, we didn't say it. We might agree with it, but we didn't say it.
Why is this grifting jackwagon still bothering us? https://t.co/Wenz7DuAe3
— Physics Geek (@physicsgeek) October 16, 2025
If he stops telling us how disappointed he is in us, he loses all meaning in his life.
I would respect David French if he didn't completely retreat to spaces entirely filled by people who despise him and everything he stands for where his only job is to reinforce every one of the worst possible stereotypes those people believe about half the country. https://t.co/2IFl9x6Tcb
— Everybody is Insane (@colorblindk1d) October 16, 2025
In other words, we might respect David French if he weren't, you know ... David French.
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