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Bless Their HEARTS! Brian Stelter and Other Media Already Making Assassination Attempt About Themselves

Meme

CNN CEO, Mark Thompson, felt the need to send a heartfelt memo to every staffer who’d been at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, solemnly acknowledging the 'frightening and disruptive situation' they’d all lived through together. Because apparently, in the year of our Lord 2026, the most important takeaway from an evening that included an assassination attempt on the president wasn’t the president, the shooter, or the total collapse of basic security at a black-tie media gala. 

No, it was that the CNN crew had a rough night and might need counseling.

Bless their hearts.

Then again, Wolf Blitzer has allegedly said he thought the police who SAVED AND PROTECTED HIM were trying to target him so ... 

Yeah.

The mainstream media is just a hot dumpster of a self-centered mess.

Brian Stelter was quick to share this one:

Note, these are the same people who were seen stealing bottles of wine from the tables afterward.

Yeah, they were really shook up.

Thompson’s memo checked every corporate-HR box: 'We’re grateful everyone is safe,' 'take care of yourselves,' 'EAP counseling is available,' the whole nine yards. 

They even gave a shout-out to Wolf Blitzer for heroically grabbing a microphone the second the chaos started, because nothing says 'professionalism under fire' like a senior correspondent turning a near-miss on the commander-in-chief into his own Anderson Cooper moment. The kicker? They still plan to hold the fancy brunch at the UK ambassador’s residence the next day. 

Priorities, people. 

Can’t let a little attempted presidential murder ruin the mimosas.

Maximum warfare. Gosh, that's not violent or anything. Sheesh.

So. Much. This.

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