The trial of would-be Trump assassin Ryan Routh hasn't even started in earnest yet, and already things are getting decidedly weird. A couple of days ago, Twitchy reported that Routh, who is defending himself, had submitted a pre-trial motion demanding a 'beatdown session' for the President.
Maybe not the best idea for someone who's facing charges of trying to assassinate the man. But just to show there were no hard feelings, Routh also challenged Trump to a round of golf -- with the stakes being the presidency or execution.
So, you know, the insanity defense seems to be well underway.
But the HMS Routh seems to have only struck the tip of the nutbar iceberg so far. This morning, things got even more bizarre when we learned about at least one of Routh's -- ahem -- more colorful character witnesses that he had hoped to bring to his defense.
We could not possibly improve on what you are about to read, so we'll just let you read it.
🚨NEW: Alleged would-be Trump assassin Ryan Routh wanted to call a sexual partner as a character witness. The unnamed lover would apparently attest to Routh's peacefulness because he refused to spank her a**.
— Ken Silva (@JD_Cashless) September 4, 2025
Judge Aileen Cannon refused his request, calling it a "farce." pic.twitter.com/HVT7brMOj8
Umm ... Errr ... We ... Wut?
Sorry, we got nothin'. Take it away, X.
— Dee (@Deeisnotmyname7) September 4, 2025
What? pic.twitter.com/KC8UME4eWZ
— Rambling Rodeo (@RamblingRodeo) September 4, 2025
Whew. At least we're not the only ones who are at a loss for words here.
https://t.co/kqHEceZimW pic.twitter.com/cR7GlyrIy0
— Mavyak (@mavyak) September 4, 2025
Well, Judge Cannon did call it a farce, so Monty Python would be the most appropriate reaction.
You’re never gonna be a successful assassin if you can’t even give the old lady a little smack when she asks. https://t.co/eCwV3ctcxj
— Jesse Kelly (@JesseKellyDC) September 4, 2025
Don't they teach that in Political Assassination 101?
on a DC jury that might actually work https://t.co/TPfYSCiN9z
— Mike Benz (@MikeBenzCyber) September 4, 2025
All we can say is, thank God the trial is in Florida.
There will be no spanky spanky in the court room. https://t.co/WWYYG5iZeI
— JP (@J_P1776) September 4, 2025
We're just waiting for the Cinemax late-night adaptation of The Ryan Routh Story.
nah they gotta let that witness speak, I wanna see the questions they'd ask her https://t.co/v926Ydwxgm
— Owen (@OWNSLive) September 4, 2025
Right?
Is this just bare hands we're talking about, or were there paddles and whips involved?
He also wanted to call a Fly as a witness because he would never hurt one pic.twitter.com/hzqTs6KciY
— AtlantaStu (@AtlantaStu) September 4, 2025
That's worth a shot, but the prosecution would have a great counter-argument because, let's be honest here, seeing as how he was camped out for hours on a golf course in Florida in the summer, more than a few mosquitoes were almost certainly slaughtered.
I'm thinking he just wants some poor woman to testify he has had sex
— LusciousMuffins (@LuciousMuffins) September 4, 2025
Yes, that came as a shock to us as well.
Hold on, he's straight? pic.twitter.com/c9IXTCelxU
— Shannon 🌴🍹MAGA! 🇺🇸 (@Mehringer2001_2) September 4, 2025
As did that. We could have sworn he would have checked the 'non-binary' box.
"Whoa fam. My gf wanted me to spank her and I wouldn't even do THAT! See, I'm peaceful!"
— Worst Toilet in Scotland (@WorstToiletInSC) September 4, 2025
"Farce" is a too-kind description by Judge Cannon here. https://t.co/cbgTpFGn9F
Well, calling it 'burlesque' might have been a little too on the nose.
Not clapping those cheeks properly is a whole new crime
— 🇺🇸TradDad (@1dwn4up) September 4, 2025
Hey, we're not here to judge anyone. That's Cannon's job.
I want to go to this trial so badly, seems like it’s going to be a wonderful circus
— Guyvermectin 〽️ (@Guyvermectin) September 4, 2025
Well, this trial is shaping up to be full of fun & surprises. https://t.co/nDj8czqHLp
— glorybe! (@mebeglory) September 4, 2025
If what we've seen so far is any measure of what is to come from Routh in his attempt to acquit himself, we can't wait for jury selection to begin, let alone opening arguments.
On the other hand, in the interest of our collective sanity ...
I'm out. https://t.co/2LOgJWoff6
— Triarius The Exile (@AdamWilday) September 4, 2025
Yeah. Yeah, that might be the best choice.
Seeing as how Routh is not eligible to be sent to 'freeze to death in Siberia,' as he requested, someone can just wake us when he gets sentenced to life in prison.
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