It's time to shut down The Babylon Bee.
Parody might be officially dead now that we have seen the latest headline from Politico that we simply could not make up.
As most Twitchy readers know by now, the left has spent the past several days indulging in orgasmic fantasies about Donald Trump either being severely ill or actually having passed away. All because the President did not schedule any public events for the holiday Labor Day weekend.
Ron Filipowski, The Lincoln Project, Rachel Bitecofer, Harry Sisson, and many more of the worst 'influencers' on the left all tried to spread the rumors, and some of them weren't even dissuaded by pictures of Trump playing golf at his course in Virginia. They assumed that must have been a body double.
Bear in mind, these are all the same people who assured us for years that Joe Biden was 'sharp as a tack,' and 'the best Biden ever.'
Mostly, however, the legacy media stayed away from diving headfirst into this latest frenzy of stupid ... until yesterday, that is, when Politico posted what has to be the most embarrassing headline we have seen in our lives.
This is a real headline
— MrMikeD (@Mrmiked42) September 2, 2025
How the f*** is this a real headline? pic.twitter.com/Fix42hGLP6
We thought it had to be fake, but nope. This is a real story that not one, but THREE Politico reporters submitted. And their editors gave it a green light.
This weekend, conspiracy theorists had a field day wondering whether President DONALD TRUMP was seriously ill, or even dead. Photos of the president were magnified, his voice was analyzed and his schedule was scrutinized.
Trump, of course, is very much alive but was compelled to address the rumors today during an unrelated Oval Office announcement that the U.S. Space Command would be relocated to Huntsville, Alabama.
'Last week, I did numerous news conferences. … And then I didn’t do any for two days and they said, ‘There must be something wrong with him,’' the president said.
Hmmm. Why was Trump 'compelled' to address the ridiculous rumors, Politico? Could it be because the media encourages this nonsense?
Politico tried to frame the story around the long history of unfounded rumors and conspiracy theories surrounding the health of political figures, but this final part of its report should go to the media Hall of Shame ... or on its gravestone:
But Trump today insisted he was alive ... Time will tell if that quiets the rumors or just leads some to suspect that, that is exactly what a body double would say.
Were they trying to go for humor here? They should leave that to the pros like the aforementioned Babylon Bee and stick to just being failed leftist apparatchiks. That's the only thing they're good at.
OH. MY. GOD. https://t.co/vovrkSyVUp
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) September 3, 2025
We didn't think we could hold them in any more contempt than we already did.
We were wrong.
"Federal Judge issues injunction stating that Trump can't say that"
— Appalachian Ulfheðnar (@SmellyWolf69) September 3, 2025
HA!
That came from a D.C. District Court judge, didn't it?
And it took 3 people to write it. https://t.co/JDJBAQSNRS
— Ordnance Jay Packard Esq. (@OrdnancePackard) September 2, 2025
That sounds like three 'reporters' who are more suited to working at Starbucks.
The person who wrote this is getting paid for writing professionally.
— Kristi Kerr ♍️ 🇺🇸🇮🇱🇺🇦💜🤍💛 (@kristidkerr2) September 2, 2025
Meanwhile, I’m obsessed with my fiction being not up to par.
Christ Almighty 🤦🏼♀️ https://t.co/zJrzY7K3k7
Well, all three of them might not be getting paid much longer. So, we can all take heart in that.
"But how can we really be sure that Trump isn't dead if Trump is lying to our faces about it?!"
— Beedulgi (@Beedulgi99) September 3, 2025
Exhilarating journalism from the brilliant folks at Politico https://t.co/oe3M3JUkFk
We expect they will win a Pulitzer for this groundbreaking exclusive.
When you can't imagine them getting any dumber, they do it. It's almost like a challenge.
— Baby Kane (@TheRealBelindaO) September 3, 2025
Trump denies he's dead. https://t.co/EMTZqtEgpw via @politico
No matter how low the bar is set, they will slither under it.
I didn't have this headline in my cards. Are we living in a South Park universe? 😆https://t.co/pTFfHR1fzy
— Pat Branch (@thepatbranch) September 3, 2025
No, people in the South Park universe are far more intelligent than journalists in this one.
Trump, without evidence, denies he’s dead https://t.co/aOmHryklEQ
— Christian Toto (@HollywoodInToto) September 2, 2025
We can just imagine someone like Sisson demanding, 'WHAT WAS HIS SOURCE FOR THAT INFORMATION?'
Did they bring in Daniel Dale and Glenn Kessler to fact check Trump?
— AdamInHTownTX (@AdamInHTownTX) September 3, 2025
That would not shock us. Kessler might come out of his retirement into oblivion to write that 'fact check' column.
The levels to which President Trump has broken the Democrats never ceases to amaze.
— Walter Curt (@WCdispatch_) September 3, 2025
They will never recover.
NEW: This is a real headline from POLITICO.
— Eric Daugherty (@EricLDaugh) September 3, 2025
We've entered levels of stupid you never thought were possible, brought to you by the American Left. pic.twitter.com/WmzJoajkF5
It's true. We honestly did not believe that this level of stupid was achievable.
But if we know one thing about Politico and the rest of the dead legacy media, we know this:
They will find a way to be stupider tomorrow.
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Editor's Note: The mainstream media continues to deflect, gaslight, spin, and lie about President Trump, his administration, and conservatives.
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