Good NEWS, Canadians!
You already knew that your government hated you enough to MAID you if you ever get depressed, but it gets even better. If you go outside, the government will arrest you. And if they don't catch you, but you happen to get into a spot of trouble, you will be happy to know that your government plans on abandoning you to the elements.
This week, Susan Holt, the Premier of New Brunswick (Maine's ... ahem ... 'special' neighbor to the north), warned citizens that they are not allowed to engage in such dangerous activities as hiking, fishing, cycling, or walking their dogs on Crown land.
Why? Because you might break a leg. (No, seriously.)
And if you get hurt, the government will happily leave you to the wolves. Or bears. Or reindeer. Or whatever they have in New Brunswick. Watch:
🚨🚨BREAKING -- The wildfire narrative has changed
— Tablesalt 🇨🇦 (@Tablesalt13) August 11, 2025
Liberal leaders have realized the "hiking causes fires" isnt working
NOW
They are telling Canadians that "we're banning you from the woods because you could break your leg" walking your dog. WHAT?!? pic.twitter.com/rzY1tAhv4v
All of this is an effort to fight wildfires that have plagued Canada out west, but are also in Labrador and Newfoundland to New Brunswick's north. (It is important to note, however, that New Brunswick is NOT experiencing a high level of wildfires itself.)
Because the Canadian government doesn't believe in forest management OR in punishing people who start these fires, the answer, of course, is to restrict the rights of Canadians who want to take the dog for a stroll.
It's like the arbitrary covid rules. They're just making them up as they go along. And it is us who will suffer. Are restrictions like this going to become a regular summer occurrence? https://t.co/8R0cIvqu5Y
— Frank Grimes Jr. (@FrankGrimes_Jr) August 11, 2025
If you live in Canada? Yes. Yes, they will. Because Canadians vote stupidly every time they have a chance to elect people who won't do this to them.
But Canadians can take solace in the fact that their Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms has sent Holt a warning letter to lift these bans.
We're sure it was very sternly worded.
They won't come get you if you're injured, they will come get you for being there in the first place though? pic.twitter.com/nV8GaJaOYL
— Bryan (@BryanO727) August 12, 2025
Correct.
And if that doesn't make sense to anyone, it's because they don't understand the priorities of the Canadian government.
If you become part of the US, we'll take care of you broken leg hikers.
— Chasinnova -Trumpite-0905 (@chasinnova1) August 12, 2025
Starting to sound pretty good, isn't it, Canucks?
Sorry, but the 51st state offer is now off the table. We might consider letting you become a non-voting territory, however.
Because we've seen how you vote.
You can break your leg stepping out of a bathtub, too. We need to ban showers immediately. https://t.co/05QMChWhMX
— Corin Nemec (@imcorinnemec) August 12, 2025
Next step: No driving because ER's are overwhelmed and they won't be able to treat potential injuries.
— Viva Frei (@thevivafrei) August 11, 2025
You will own nothing and be happy. https://t.co/yaRSGiczDw
Let's not give them any ideas.
They can say what they want, but these are the first... CLIMATE LOCKDOWNS. https://t.co/rU9zwqepLQ
— Dr. Matthew M. Wielicki (@MatthewWielicki) August 12, 2025
If the government gets away with this, it will absolutely start imposing more restrictions and creating 'exclusion zones' where people are forbidden to go because the weather has changed.
And it has nothing to do with 'available resources,' as Holt tried to claim.
— V (@V35000) August 12, 2025
Can someone let the premier know SAR teams do not fight fires. Hikers are good! pic.twitter.com/sg7vLhGoy6
— leapfrog (@LeapFrogRed) August 11, 2025
She knows. She doesn't care.
Don't make me pull out my C. S. Lewis quote. pic.twitter.com/sLBn5NyFYX
— Bobby Paul Johnston (@BobbyPJohnson) August 12, 2025
By all means, pull out the C.S. Lewis quote.
At least one person was happy with the restrictions from Big Daddy Government in Canada, though.
She's not wrong; every time I've gone hiking in the woods I've broken a leg and required paramedics and helicopters to rescue me and my dogs. Thank God for free healthcare! https://t.co/dCJSLqC6oa
— Craig Allen Dulles, BBQ, CGE. Obvious DEI hire. (@GettingCooked) August 12, 2025
HAAAAAA.
Wait, we think that was sarcasm. At least we hope it was.
The next time that person goes hiking with his dogs, he should pray that his government doesn't classify that activity as a sign of clinical, incurable depression and assign him to the nearest MAID centre.
Earlier this week, we also saw someone from Quillette lecturing us about how much Canadians disdain America and Americans.
Well, at least we can go fishing or take our dogs for a hike in the woods.
We can even do that while carrying the Stanley Cup.
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