What Could Possib-Lie Go Wrong? Nutjob Scientist Wants to Push the Earth Away From the Sun

It's been a long week, Twitchy readers. In the words of Tony Stark, 'Like, Eugene O'Neill long.'

We've seen an open supporter of Islamic terrorism win a Democratic primary election in Michigan, an equally crazy Democrat candidate for governor in Wisconsin declaring that she hates Thanksgiving and pretty much all American holidays, and what can we say about the burrito wars? We lost many good men and women to the latest conservative slap fight, which, according to Thomas Massie, is somehow the fault of 'Da Jooooooos.'

As we often say, we wish we were making this all up.

If you're like us, you could use some lighter fare for the weekend.

Lighter fare such as, you know, scientists dooming mankind to frozen extinction to solve a problem that is billions of years away.

JUST IN: Scientist proposes moving Earth 20% farther from the Sun, using a particle beam powered by Jupiter — to avoid being swallowed by the Sun in 5 billion years.
— Polymarket (@Polymarket) August 6, 2026

We occasionally hesitate to cite Polymarket, which likes to make up anything it can and call it 'BREAKING NEWS.' But in this case, the story is at least somewhat true, albeit a theoretical proposal.

We chose an image of Professor Farnsworth as the header for this article because, believe it or not, this is the same plot as a Futurama episode (Season 4, Episode 8 — Crimes of the Hot). An episode that featured Al Gore endorsing a plan to shift the Earth away from the sun to solve 'global warming.'

Since we live beyond parody these days, apparently, what is good for an animated TV show is good enough for theoretical astrophysics.

I’m beginning to think Polymarket has become a parody account 🤦‍♂️
— Jeff I (@The_Gooseinator) August 6, 2026

That's what we thought at first, but several articles acknowledged that, unfortunately, the scientists are at it again.

In a study accepted for publication in the Journal of the British Interplanetary Society—with a preprint available on arXiv—[researcher Gabriel] Harry presented a comprehensive megascale engineering plan ... According to the researcher, without intervention, humans will be able to live on Earth for about another 1 billion years, but implementing his protective system could preserve the biosphere for an astonishing 9.1 billion years.