It is Christmas morning, and while everyone else is still fast asleep, I sit here at my computer, counting my blessings. I am thankful for the sleeping dog at my side, who has had a rough year, but he is still with me, and he is still my light in dark places, who shines the brighter when all other lights go out.
I am at my mother's house. I know both of us had a silent prayer for my father at last night's Christmas mass, knowing that he still watches over us from Heaven, where the Yankees always lose, Democrats never win elections, and he never misses a birdie putt.
Soon, the rest of my family will be coming by, and we will overeat, overdrink, and promise to make up for it with a grueling workout tomorrow (we won't).
I have so much to be grateful for at Christmas. Along with everything I have mentioned, and so much more, I am grateful that I am able to recognize all that I have, celebrate the joy and true meaning of Christmas, and just be able to be happy, even if only for one day.
In short, I am grateful that I am not a leftist.
But I am reminded this morning of last night's Gospel and homily, which told us that even as a baby, Jesus watched out for those less fortunate in the world. With that in mind, I want to wish a Merry Christmas to all of the leftists whom we feature regularly at Twitchy. I don't know how people like that can go through life so perpetually miserable, but I want to bring them some Christmas cheer.
Santa Claus has already come and gone over America, so I don't know if they all found coal in their stockings this morning, but I wanted to put together a wish list for them this Christmas season and into the New Year. Just some little things that may help them undergo a Grinch-style heart transformation and become functional human beings again.
For Keith Olbermann: That his Thorazine prescription gets approved.
BTW The Devil says "no refunds" on selling your soul @EliseStefanik pic.twitter.com/ubgScZsJIW
— Keith Olbermann (@KeithOlbermann) December 19, 2025
Let's face it. In the pantheon of unhinged Obermann tweets, this one is pretty tame. But if you are so consumed by TDS brain worms that you cannot even recognize a Christmas message of gratitude and humility from a political opponent, you need help. At the highest dosage possible.
I always maintain that, of everyone on the left, I hold out some hope for Olbermann because of how much he genuinely cares about dogs. It doesn't make up for his unhinged, vulgar, misogynistic rants, but it shows a sliver of a soul inside him somewhere. Medication, heavy medication, might help him find it.
For Chris Mowrey and Harry Sisson: That puberty finally arrives.
if you use any of these phrases
— Chris Mowrey (@chrisdmowrey) December 24, 2025
War on Christmas
War on White Men
War on Christianity
War on Masculinity
War on Testosterone
you are a pathetic loser who wants so badly to be oppressed when you are not
Jeffrey Epstein’s best friend is ranting incoherently on Christmas Eve. Someone take his phone away from him before it gets worse! pic.twitter.com/gMdepHOrUb
— Harry Sisson (@harryjsisson) December 25, 2025
The Unambiguously Cringe Duo are known for their hyperbolic tweets, usually replete with exclamations like 'OMG, GUYS!' None of them ever contains an original thought, just hackneyed expressions and talking points from the left, which makes sense, given that they are paid DNC shills.
But being on the edge of puberty is a difficult time. It confuses the brain. If these two can ever get through that phase, crawl out of their mothers' basements, and learn to shave, that might bring them some insight other than repeating the most boring, tired, and debunked accusations.
Or, at least, they might learn that they are REALLY not helping their side.
For the Krassensteins: That they discover there are more fulfilling things in life than being engagement farmers.
Trump is a dead man walking.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 24, 2025
America should “put him to sleep,” NOW. It is the humanitarian thing to do.
The Grinch who stole the Epstein Files.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) December 25, 2025
Christmas Eve. pic.twitter.com/TYBHOwcOkF
It’s Christmas Eve and the Trump / Epstein coverup just got even worse.
— Ed Krassenstein (@EdKrassen) December 24, 2025
Imagine if Biden did this! pic.twitter.com/2nXMHmAJBf
Everyone knows by now that these two vertically challenged cringeposters are nothing but engagement farmers. They don't really believe in anything, least of all what they post on X. But how empty and meaningless one's life must be to become addicted to chasing down a few bucks from Elon Musk every month. I can't think of anything sadder.
They know there is nothing to implicate Trump in the Epstein Files. But they tweet these silly messages out on Christmas Eve to spark rage. But mostly to spark views and replies for some paltry dollars. That's a pretty pathetic life. I hope they figure out that there's more to life than engagement numbers.
Also, if it's not too late, Santa, maybe bring them both some platform shoes.
For John Fugelsang: That he stops pretending he knows anything about Christianity (or history).
Last-Minute Holiday Gifts For The Christian Nationalist In Your Life! https://t.co/NG1PRGz2xo
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) December 25, 2025
Our Premium Yuletide Gifts Include...
A ‘Jesus Was Not White’ Snow Globe!
Shake it and it whispers:
“Bethlehem. In the Middle East. Think about it.”
(Note: This item banned in 17… pic.twitter.com/n8A171JBVi
Fugelsang likes to pretend that he is an authority on Jesus, but whenever he posts about Christianity, another, much smaller account will usually demolish him with actual facts.
I won't punish readers with any excerpts from his cringe Substack Christmas wish list, but it reads EXACTLY like someone who is not a Christian, but very threatened by Christianity.
It's perfectly OK to not be a Christian, John. What is not OK is not being a Christian, but trying to use Christianity as a cudgel against people who know far better than you what Jesus was all about.
For Jennifer Welch and Angie Sullivan: A reprieve from Botox treatments ... and a soul
One more time for the permanant record: Stephen Miller is a white supremacist Nazi pic.twitter.com/j3zL0gt3uA
— I've Had It Podcast (@ivehaditpodcast) December 1, 2025
These two podcasters have achieved a lot of notoriety recently, and none of it for good reasons. They simply spew hate on every show, including calling not just Stephen Miller, but his WIFE, a Nazi. They've done far worse than that, of course, including embracing the ideology of Jay Jones and calling for the killing of Republicans and Trump supporters.
I don't know why they are both this miserable, but it might have something to do with the fact that they both look like extras from the movie Death Becomes Her (or Terry Gilliam's Brazil).
Lay off the injections, ladies. Age gracefully. It may cause your blackened, withered hearts to start pumping blood again.
For Jo Jo From Jerz: Sorry, I got nothin'. Maybe learn a new word?
(and apologies for the NSFW language)
I know Jesus didn't believe in lost causes, but I ain't Him.
Some people are beyond help, and this deranged harpy is one of them. Nothing will ever make her happy. She will always be miserable because she WANTS to be miserable. Even if I were simply to say 'Merry Christmas' to her, she would find a reason to hate me for it.
The only thing I can think of for her is maybe to invest in a Thesaurus. There are other words in the English language. Some of them even have two or more syllables.
If you follow my X account, you know that I am not squeamish about the F bomb. So, this is not me being the language or morality police. But if you use that word as often as you use the article 'the,' it kind of becomes meaningless, like so many other words the left has neutered, like 'racist,' sexist,' 'fascist,' and 'bigot.'
And when the F bomb is every other word that comes out of your mouth, it's a pretty easy signal that no one should ever take you seriously.
Unless you are Andrew Dice Clay. And JoJo ain't no Diceman.
Seek help, JoJo. That's all I can wish you for Christmas.
So, there it is. My Christmas wish list for some of the worst of the worst of the left on X.
I know I could have added many more, including politicians. Like a brain for Kamala Harris, some testosterone for Tim Walz, an ounce of gratitude and humility for Michelle Obama, or a portable lie detector for Gavin Newsom (not to mention a sedative to keep him from all those bizarre hand gestures and head bobs).
But this Christmas, like every Christmas, no matter what else happens, I know I will always have one thing for which I am eternally grateful:
I am not them. I am not any one of them.
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