We often accuse the left of being 'theater kids,' but maybe it's time to tell them that we didn't mean for them to take it literally.
Then again, when you are a Congressman who believes that an island can tip over if the military puts tanks on it, maybe it's impossible for you to NOT take everything literally.
In June, Rep. Hank Johnson made the internet's ears bleed by dropping his theme song to the 'No Kings' protests. Some might say the song was unnecessary since, you know, we don't actually have any kings in America, but who knows? Maybe Johnson just wanted to punish us.
We regret to announce, however, that the punishments will continue until morale improves.
Last night, Johnson pulled out his trusty guitar again to drop the follow-up single that no one -- absolutely no one -- asked for: 'Release the Epstein Files.'
We're sorry to do this to our readers' ears, but you know the rules. Watch:
Release the Epstein Files. pic.twitter.com/I3ERwzLsIS
— Rep. Hank Johnson (@RepHankJohnson) July 15, 2025
Yikes.
We're not sure what our least favorite part is. The halting, incompetent guitar playing, the nails-on-a-chalkboard fake, falsetto voice, or the utter hypocrisy of Democrats now demanding to see the Epstein files after they had four years under Joe Biden to release them.
https://t.co/Ys9gnMt7Xg pic.twitter.com/cSZyKWsJG2
— NeverTweet (@LOLNeverTweet) July 15, 2025
Yes, listening to Yoko Ono would be a reprieve after being forced to listen to Johnson for even that short minute.
This is a war crime.
— Dustin Grage (@GrageDustin) July 15, 2025
We need new Nuremberg Trials for that abomination.
They were mysteriously sent to a different island and that island unfortunately tipped over, oh sorry, it capsized. 🤣🤣
— 🇺🇸Sheri (@SheriCarter18) July 15, 2025
Johnson isn't the only one treating the Epstein Files like a joke just because the left wants to throw anything they can at President Trump. Eric Swalwell, almost certainly on orders from his CCP handlers, has been as well.
Because, of COURSE, Swalwell has been.
https://t.co/tqRKrFW49i pic.twitter.com/KQAICcJR3f
— Mary Katharine Ham (@mkhammer) July 15, 2025
Thank you, MK Hammer. Where is John Belushi when you need him?
https://t.co/UxO9RlFxjs pic.twitter.com/K8OcLNdoWV
— Chels (@Chestertweet) July 15, 2025
We have the dumbest people in the country sitting in congress. pic.twitter.com/A0QmEsKunO
— Aaron J*****🇺🇸🇲🇽🏴☠️ (@aatamkdaddy) July 15, 2025
There are legitimate criticisms against Attorney General Pam Bondi and how she has bungled this issue.
The Democrats, least of all Johnson, are not the people to make them.
Guam just tipped over from the cringe. https://t.co/O2sGTfZeGc
— Amy Curtis (@RantyAmyCurtis) July 15, 2025
Guam took the easy way out.
https://t.co/W9fQFAxhtU pic.twitter.com/uS7foD5NoZ
— G (@stevensongs) July 15, 2025
— Chels (@Chestertweet) July 15, 2025
Exactly our reaction.
Yes. That, too.
Hank Johnson, absolutely no relation to Robert Johnson. https://t.co/dk6912mjfk
— Chuck Ross (@ChuckRossDC) July 15, 2025
Do NOT mention those two in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder what would happen to me at my job if I stopped work in the middle of the workday to write a ballad about wanting the Epstein files to be released.
— Skyler Adleta (@SkylerAdleta) July 15, 2025
The memo to clean out your desk would arrive almost immediately. And, unlike useless State Department bureaucrats, you would not be given a tearful farewell.
I need to meet the hero convincing all the Dems that cringey guitar videos are a good idea https://t.co/SAcyG0EVIs
— John Hasson (@SonofHas) July 15, 2025
We've got $20 riding on his name rhyming with 'Blavid Smogg.'
Someone appears to have hit the bottle a little too hard on this Monday evening. https://t.co/ultLL6LRBB
— Greg Price (@greg_price11) July 15, 2025
https://t.co/LnUlS1PTNq pic.twitter.com/sOsiHf15nb
— Steel Rain (@SteelRain602) July 15, 2025
We need to find lots and lots of gauze to pack our ears.
We do feel bad about making our readers watch another cringe music video from Rep. Johnson, though.
We thought we'd try to make up for it by ending with some skilled guitar playing.
I would say dont quit your day job, but you suck at that as well. THIS is how you play guitar. https://t.co/wWFiCPzb5d pic.twitter.com/q9yQA6pV3l
— Lord Brian Urso, Lead Guitarist of Gideons Mob (@TheMobRules73) July 15, 2025
That's more like it. And it's the least we could do.
But yes, the Congressman does also suck at his day job.
Aside from this latest cringe from the Democrats, we've seen some rumblings that we may get access to more Epstein information soon.
We hope that's true and it does happen. But if it does, the absolute LAST person on Earth we will thank for it will be Hank 'Guam' Johnson.
We're more likely to sue him for causing everyone irreparable auditory harm twice in less than a month.
Editor’s Note: The Democrat Party has never been less popular as voters reject its globalist agenda.
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