We were intrigued last September when NBC News' Ben Collins, who reported on the "dystopia beat" (i.e., anything he didn't like) said he was thinking about leaving "journalism" at the end of the year. Collins admitted he had "no skills" but knew a change was in order.
Collins made the lateral move from writing fake news at NBC to purchasing fake news satire site The Onion. The Onion's first attempt at humor under Collins was to ask everyone to donate $1 or The Onion would disappear forever (promise?). Their next article was pretty gross and didn't quite set off the laugh meter:
Mom Pretty Jealous Of All The Dick Teenage Daughter Going To Pull With Those Highlights https://t.co/TlA4u4osBl
— The Onion (@TheOnion) April 26, 2024
Huh?
But The Onion is known for political satire, and right now, you have pro-Hamas students occupying campuses across the country. There's plenty of potential humor there. At UCLA, the protesters accused Zionists of "waving bananas like settlers waving machine guns" after word got out that someone in the encampment had a possibly fatal banana allergy. Now that's funny.
There was a protestor in the liberated zone at @UCLA with a potentially fatal banana allergy. Counterprotestors invaded the encampment and saw all the no bananas warnings. The next day they came back waving bananas like settlers waving machine guns & smeared bananas everywhere. pic.twitter.com/sPlTVnwHsu
— Linda Mamoun (@mamoun_linda) April 28, 2024
Then there was a panic when a Zionist infested the encampment with white mice that had been "injected" with something. Some secret IDF virus? A PhD candidate at Columbia studying "theories of the imagination and poetry as interpreted through a Marxian lens" held a press conference begging for food for the occupiers. The opportunity for humor is everywhere. So this is what The Onion went with.
Recommended
‘These Kids Should Be In School Instead Of Protesting,’ Say People So Tantalizingly Close To Getting The Point https://t.co/hZzQ01r7nw
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 1, 2024
Ha ha? https://t.co/zHyhctC8er
— Max (@MaxNordau) May 1, 2024
Excuse me, is this comedy? Just shut down already
— Jon (Kennesaw State Superfan) (@KSUOwlHowl) May 1, 2024
I see that new ownership has fired all the comedy writers.
— Clarence Sparrow (@AnonAtLaw) May 1, 2024
I'm really far from the point. What is it?
— Son of Sheev (@SonOfSheev) May 1, 2024
Hilarious. Laughter. Comedy. pic.twitter.com/RBUhsGSFmm
— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) May 1, 2024
Problem for the Onion is it can't top assistant professors demanding humanitarian aide for occupiers or fully automatic assault bananas, and they wouldn't dare try because who they might anger.
— Stephen L. Miller (@redsteeze) May 1, 2024
"Waving bananas like settlers waving machine guns." Come on! The jokes write themselves. Plenty of people used USA TODAY's AR-15 "possible modifications" (like a chainsaw bayonet) graphic to show an AR fitted with a banana. That was funny.
Damn. You suck.
— mareeo (@ree_reeo) May 1, 2024
Did Al Franken write this?
— Country Mouse (@Mr_Malph_To_You) May 1, 2024
now that rivals some classic Borowitz right there
— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) May 1, 2024
The Onion is a parody site of a parody site
— Fusilli Spock (@awstar11) May 1, 2024
It’s the satire website version of the Jon Stewart reboot
— Oilfield Rando (@Oilfield_Rando) May 1, 2024
The joke is trying to figure out if it's a joke
— Johnny Christian Bishop (@Johnnybeesknees) May 1, 2024
This is The Onion's new direction under Collins? Even less humor and more progressive scolding? Sounds like a great business model.
Meanwhile, over at The Babylon Bee, they still have a sense of humor:
UCLA Replaces Student IDs With New Fashionable Identifying Armbands https://t.co/2YPZTrmV8Z pic.twitter.com/3KKx4B2gm5
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) April 30, 2024
History Repeats Itself As Communists Run Out Of Food https://t.co/PtrmsjTho7 pic.twitter.com/1Jx9kyj8tV
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) May 1, 2024
TRAGEDY: AOC Announces She Was Killed During NYPD Raid At Columbia And Is Dead Again https://t.co/RnAzYN5W8g pic.twitter.com/cr4DRz2KLg
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) May 1, 2024
Seriously, guys, these protests are ripe for satire. Try being funny. It might be difficult, but try.
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