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Monday Morning Meme Madness
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Thomas Massie's Much Ado About Epstein Was ... Nothing. Again.

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

I have been dragging Thomas Massie for months now (years?), so no, I did not wake up this morning ready to hand him a participation trophy for getting on the floor and reading a bunch of names related to the Epstein Files that everybody already knows about.

Dude. C'mon.

The man took the House floor, read off a list of alleged Epstein co-conspirators (again, that we all knew already), and immediately posted about collecting signatures for the Epstein Files Transparency Act II as if he’d just invented sunlight. Spare me.

This is not courage. This is content.

Massie already forced a vote on the first transparency bill. Congress passed it. The president signed it. Then Massie lost his primary to the Trump-backed candidate and suddenly discovered a sequel. Of course he did. Lame ducks love sequels. There’s no election left to win, so the only audience left is the mention mill and the people who treat “I voted no” as a personality.

Yawn.

And let’s talk about the company he keeps on this. He’s out here doing discharge-petition cosplay with Ro Khanna and a pile of Democrats who would not cross the street to help him on spending, the border, or anything that actually moves votes in Kentucky. That’s not a coalition. That’s a photo op with better lighting.

I want the files released too. Survivors deserve answers. State AGs should be able to do their jobs. None of that requires Massie to turn the House floor into open-mic night and then congratulate himself like the rest of us have been asleep. He has made a brand out of being the lone wolf who will not be house-trained, and at a certain point the lone wolf is just a guy howling because the pack stopped pretending he was in charge.

If this were about results, he’d be whipping votes quietly and stacking signatures. Instead we got a speech, a petition, and a post. Classic Massie: maximum drama, minimum governing, and just enough principle to keep the merch moving.

Call it what it is. He’s trolling the institution on the way out the door and daring everyone else to clap. I am not clapping. I never was.

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