‘Oh good, Jill Filipovic wrote an entire thread basically trashing stay-at-home-moms, we can’t wait to read this’, said literally nobody ever. And truth be told, if we had just come across her lame thread and nothing more we would have just ignored it (we subject you good people to enough stupid takes as it is) BUT the reaction of other women to this thread is something else.
This is good advice, but man I feel for this letter-writer, because it's exactly how I would feel if my spouse decided they wanted to be a stay-at-home parent. Also… is it really ONLY her decision whether to quit working when she's then going to be entirely dependent on him? https://t.co/B4Nz8qMES4
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
Great take, Jill. Ok, not really.
If you’d rather not spend a lot of time reading the thread you can skip down below to see the reaction. Basically, all you need to know is that Jill appears to have very little knowledge of or respect for SAHMs and for whatever reason blames capitalism.
Don’t make that face, we didn’t write the thread.
I realize this is like the third rail of the Mommy Wars, but yeah, lots of super-ambitious people marry other super-ambitious people because they're attracted to ambition. I would have a really, really hard time being married to a spouse who chose not to work.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
I would also argue that when you're married, no, you don't get to decide these things unilaterally. If I came to my husband and said I am going to quit my job and dedicate all of my time to keeping our household, now I need your income, I think he's in his rights to say, uh, no.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
And that’s how it works for most couples.
Maybe Jill should talk to a few of them.
And now I am really going to get myself yelled at, but I also think the issue of example-setting for a kid is a totally fair one. What example are you setting when dad works for pay and mom does the care work at home? Lots of reasons not to want to set that example for a child.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
Really?
You know the face you make when you’re reading something stupid because it’s your job? Yeah, just made that face.
Among them: Girls with working moms do better in school. Men with stay-at-home wives are less likely to promote & support women in their workplace. Sons with working mothers do more housework and childcare when they grow up. These aren't just individual choices; they're social.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
I can see that this is now going to around in the circles of "but being a stay-at-home parent IS a job" and "why don't you value care work?" Care work should be valued much more than it is. It's also good for people to work outside the home.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
K?
The reality — in our capitalist society — is that if you are at home full time, your husband is your boss and there is no HR department. Should care work be valued much more? Yes! In the reality we live in, are women who stay home taking on significant risks? Also yes.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
IT’S ALL CAPITALISM’S FAULT!!!
I would also argue that I am not convinced that this division of labor — one full-time wage-earner, one full-time at-home carer — is a good or healthy one, even when you take out of it the (very salient) fact that it's women who are overwhelmingly the at-home carers.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
At-home work is incredibly isolating. It also occupies a pretty unique space where it's centered on one of the most fundamental familial relationships — parent/child. No other job is like that, which is where "staying at home IS a job" doesn't quite tell the whole story.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
The point is, a lot of the go-to talking points on this issue are really insufficient. The shallowest among them is the dialogue around "choice" and the claim this is all private family decision making — that it's wrong to comment on this at all because that's "judgmental."
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
In the US we give families few options, that's baked in. But in this specific instance, I do think it's worth talking about ambition, attraction, and the fact that there are real and tangible benefits to children having a working mother — something we're often hesitant to say.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
"Do you think stay-at-home moms aren't ambitious?" Plenty of them are! Welcome to intensive parenting. But to be honest I would have a really hard time being married to someone who decided they wanted to direct their ambition into the sole work of raising our child.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
That's not because I don't think that work is important. It is because it's very inward-looking and wrapping one's identity in one's progeny. If you have a passion for child development, great, there are many paths to walk down that do a lot of good for lots of people.
— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) March 10, 2021
Y’all scan skip down to here if you want.
This is where it gets good.
My husband is my boss? ????? He’s going to laugh his ass off. We’re partners and he is tremendously grateful he doesn’t have to do what I do. True partnership doesn’t reduce itself to a pecuniary position. I feel for you.
— Minda Zwerin – No one is free until we all are (@MindaMZ) March 10, 2021
With respect, this is an insane take. This is not what families are :).
— techLurker (@lurker_tech) March 10, 2021
What a demeaning position.
— An Uninteresting Bystander (@jacket951) March 10, 2021
"if you are at home full time, your husband is your boss"
lol. just lol
wish somebody would tell that to my wife
— Gun Blobber (@GunBlobber) March 11, 2021
Not my reality. Care work is/was highly valued the entire time I chose to be the at-home carer.
— Beth Moyer (@bethfromdc) March 11, 2021
This is beyond stupid.
— Horse of Doom (@KingYorktanan) March 11, 2021
I assume Jill has never been happily married. This whole thread would be turned on its head if she replaced staying at home with having a baby. She talks about unilateral decision making without understanding the logical implications of her point.
— Sexy Dad Bod Mike (@bod25mike) March 11, 2021
Lol! I can I assure you that I am the HR Dept and the CEO of this home. My husband likes it that way. He is the President and Chief Operating Officer of the Lawn and all outside activities. We have a committee approach to finances. Successful families serve each other!
— Shelley Haynes Heile (@SHHeile) March 11, 2021
Winner winner chicken dinner.
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