Hey, Twitchy readers. How are everyone's 401k's doing today?
No, seriously. Don't check on that. It will just depress you. If you still have some years to go before you need to start drawing from your savings, you can take heart that if America votes the right way in November, your money can still bounce back.
Today, however, thanks to the wonder of Bidenomics, the world saw epic crashes in the stock market. And even as much as we enjoy mocking Kamala HQ for making fun of Donald Trump predicting exactly this outcome, and as much fun as we're having watching Biden and Harris's tweets about how they 'cured the economy' age like fine milk left out in the sun for months, there's no gilding the lily on this one. Today was a very bad day for America and Americans.
And they want to convince us to vote for more of this? Not a chance in hell. Not if our savings mean anything to us. Or our jobs.
But there's nothing we can do about the past. We can only try to fix the future. And that means kicking as many Democrats out of Washington as possible, and especially out of the White House.
One way we can help to accomplish that is to remind everyone how incompetent and idiotic Harris is, despite all the gaslighting.
This sounds like a job for a Twitter hashtag game.
Today, #KamalaCrash is the number one trending hashtag and topic on all of Twitter. But an equally fun one that we noticed was #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket.
Similarly to how Twitter reacted a couple of years ago with #WriteASpeechForKamala, users wasted no time in reminding everyone that Harris does not understand the stock market, does not understand basic economics, and can only speak in nonsense word salad.
So, without further ado, let's let Twitter help Kamala Explain the Stock Market ...
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— TheMorningSpew2 (@TheMorningSpew2) August 5, 2024
The Stock Market is like a store that sells numbers. Big numbers and little numbers. You buy things in a store but in the Stock Market, you can sell numbers, too. The prices in those stores go up and down. Abortion.
LOL. Yes, there will be a lot more like this one.
We love that this tweet just ends with the word 'abortion.' Though, given the ... ahem ... shady past of The Second Gentleman that came out this weekend, Harris might want to avoid that topic too.
We have stocks. Right? And we have a market. Now, that market is all about the market, and stocks are also about the market, but the stocks as well. *cackle* The market needs the stocks and the stocks need the market. So we have a stock market. #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— The🐰FOO (@PolitiBunny) August 5, 2024
Heh ... 'cackle.' Always have to have the cackle in there.
So there are stocks. And there’s a market. And this market is for the stocks. So we call it a Stock Market. And this stock market can crash. Cars can crash. Busses can also crash. I love yellow school busses. #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— TONIANN 🌻 (@ToniAnnSL) August 5, 2024
Yay. School buses. Did you know that the wheels on the school buses go round and round? Kind of like the passage of time. Or a bunch of Venn diagrams.
We look at stocks and the passage of time. Time passes and that makes it in the past. Like your 401k. #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— DelilahM (@delilahmused) August 5, 2024
OUCH. That one hurts. But it is also very funny and sadly accurate today.
“We have to understand the strength that comes from not only having a stock *market* <pauses for hand gestures> but also a market for *stocks* <laughs maniacally>
— Political Sock (@politicalsock) August 5, 2024
You see, there’s a strong & marketable strength in not just buying, but also selling”#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
Sooo many hand gestures. Waving around with sound and fury ... signifying nothing.
Political Sock's tweet was so good, we had to give him another go.
Your 401Ks are about to be unburdened by what has been.
— Political Sock (@politicalsock) August 5, 2024
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
Eep. Major eep.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Problematic AF™🔥 (@EF517_V3) August 5, 2024
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND HAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND HAHAHAHAHAHAHA" pic.twitter.com/3Ye5lH7F2h
'We did it. We did it, Joe.'
Enough said.
The stock market is a market where you buy stocks. Don’t you all like malls better than markets? I do! The pilgrims. They put people in stocks. Look …butterflies! #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— H.L. Chiselfritz (@RotNScoundrel) August 5, 2024
HA. Butterflies. We're pretty sure Harris could be easily distracted if someone jangled some keys in front of her face.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Problematic AF™🔥 (@EF517_V3) August 5, 2024
"We have a market. It has Fruit Loops and Captain Crunch. Then we have another market. It has stocks. You have to go to the right market to get Fruit Loops or your EBT card won't work. Think about it."
The stock market is a place like a grocery store that isn’t a physical store in your neighborhood. Stock is like bananas but they are in a place instead of your house#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— T Bradley (@TBradleyNC) August 5, 2024
We have no doubt that Harris thinks the stock market works like the grocery store or the cereal aisle. After all, she believes 'the cloud' is a thing that 'lives above us.'
The stock market is when you stock a market so that when it's fully stocked, the market is open. Then when the stock market makes markets stocked, it is both marketable & stocked full. But don't forget about bonds, they're as bad as cash bail. #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— OtterlyChaotic (@ChaoticOtterly) August 5, 2024
If anyone would know about bail bonds -- specifically raising money for them to get criminals out of jail -- it would be Harris.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket pic.twitter.com/cATgO3UPwM
— Olias Haldane (@OHaldane_) August 5, 2024
'Stocks! Coconuts! Space! They're all connected!'
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Foghorn Leghorn (@FoghornBLeghorn) August 5, 2024
The stock market is a flexible concept. As such, we need to adapt to it's flexibility by allowing the changing climate of our economy to adjust our own personal expectations as we moved thoughtfully and carefully into these changing times.
OK, that one actually hurt our brain. Very well done.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket pic.twitter.com/SWofwJNY1Z
— Foghorn Leghorn (@FoghornBLeghorn) August 5, 2024
If you haven't seen it, this meme is a reference to the outstanding Peter Sellers movie Being There. (Trust us, it is hilarious and appropriate to the moment.)
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Grateful Calvin (@shoveitjack) August 5, 2024
...
...
...
...[nervous cackle]
[David Plouffe pours gasoline on the microphone] https://t.co/taArD0ek1W
[Note: Apologies for including our own tweet here. We just wanted to get in on the fun.]
So you have stocks. And you have markets. And the importance of each is critical. #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Justa Puppet (@Anewhomestar) August 5, 2024
This was a good effort. It got the nonsensical part down right. But we're going to subtract a few points because it fails to take into account that Harris can never help herself but talk for about two minutes longer than she should.
“Sometimes the stocks go up. And when they don’t go up they go down. But if they don’t go up or go down, we still have to remember that not everyone has their fair share of stocks so if they’re making soup they have to go to the market to buy stock.” #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Alfred Q Holic (@JohnnyWhales3) August 5, 2024
That's more like it. We feel like the Charlie Kelly 'confused GIF' now.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— Sparky Malarkey (@Mr__Sparky) August 5, 2024
The stock market is where we trade soup. Sometimes it goes as high as the cloud and that's s good thing because it will then be unburdened by what has been.
If it goes low we call it a stew market and yesterday's tomorrow will then be aborted
Read that one twice. Slowly. It is actually quite brilliant.
#KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket
— --- 🅁🄾🄼🄴 🄶🅄🅈 --- 🚬🗿 (@realRomeGuy) August 5, 2024
There are markets for stock, ok. <cackling> And they're not real markets, ok - they exist in the cloud. <cackling> And like clouds, they can go up or down - and sometimes all around like wheels on a bus <cackling> or a little like a tornado.…
Once again, you can never have enough cackling.
Let's go back to The Morning Spew for one more entry.
“What goes up, must come down.” #KamalaExplainsTheStockMarket pic.twitter.com/y3H2aGpUFf
— TheMorningSpew2 (@TheMorningSpew2) August 5, 2024
Must. Resist. Urge. To. Make. 'Going Down.' Joke.
Whew. That was a challenge. But we resisted the temptation.
A few more people played without adding the hashtag, but we grabbed them anyway because they were on point.
Kamala just issued a statement:
— dcnh (@davec_NH) August 5, 2024
Today , the money you had yesterday,
Is not the same as yesterdays money is today,
Tomorrow the money you thought you had today, will be as gone as yesterday is today.
Leftists for Kamala be like… #StockMarket pic.twitter.com/jNKuoBjIFV
— Ian McKelvey (@ian_mckelvey) August 5, 2024
HA. Exactly.
Funny, we didn't hear a whole lot out of many of Harris's paid 'influencer' accounts today after the stock market went 'kerplunk, kerblooey.'
We hope you had a bit of fun with this. But we also hope you absorbed the very serious point all of these tweets were making underneath the word salads.
Kamala Harris is not a serious person. She should never be considered for a serious position. She failed upwards in California and the Senate because of identity politics. And then she was selected for vice president for the very same reason and nothing more.
Now, since Biden is a walking vegetable, she has been installed as the Democrat nominee without receiving a single primary vote.
Do you want to take that chance that she becomes President, America? Do you want to risk your wallet and savings on that?
We sure hope not.
Join the conversation as a VIP Member