FactPost: Trump Admin Planning to Cut Down DC's Oldest Cherry Tree to Make...
Alexandria, VA Promotes Snitch Line for Sparklers This Fourth; Dearborn Announces 'Zero To...
Smoke Scream: Washington Post 'Scoop' That Trumps Fireworks on July 4 Is 'Very...
WNBA's Alyssa Thomas Says People Are Calling Her a Thug for Throat-Punching Caitlin...
Bill Kristol Thinks the Dem Establishment Can Learn a Lesson from Socialist Upset...
Zohran Mamdani to Deliver ‘Major Address’ Marking America’s 250th With Newly Naturalized C...
Fundraiser Started for USAF Major Arrested for ‘Heroic Act of Civil Disobedience’ on...
AP Lets Everybody Know the Danger Their Journos Are Facing to Cover Taylor...
Heavily Armed Would-Be Trans Terrorist Arrested for Planning Mass Shooting; Check out This...
Bernie Sanders Picked a Heck of a Week to Ramp Up His 'Solar...
Not Just New York: 15-Term Colorado Incumbent Loses to Democratic Socialist From Ethiopia
Twitchy Celebrates America 250
This Was All Trump Needed. They're Gonna Regret It.
Court Upholds a Ban That Dems and Lib Media Insisted Was a Conservative...
Hillary Clinton Has Decided to Ring in America's 250th Birthday by Whining About...

Chef AOC's warning about gas stoves gets whipped up into the 'best self-own ever'

By now, you’ve probably heard about the Biden administration mulling a ban on gas stoves. You know, because regular Americans shouldn’t be allowed to have nice things like cooking appliances that allow for more even cooking and more effective cooking and more efficient cooking and just an all-around better cooking experience.

Advertisement

And if regular Americans are allowed to have gas stoves, they’ll get stupider. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? Probably because you’ve been spending too much time around that gas stove and have suffered reduced cognitive performance as a result.

Here, let AOC explain it to you:

Although if you have done a lot of cooking on a gas stove, you may need to have someone else read it to you because of your own reduced cognitive performance.

Well, thank goodness we’ve got someone like AOC in Congress. Her high cognitive performance is a precious asset. She will protect us from ourselves.

Advertisement

*Record scratch*

Wait, what? AOC using a gas stove? She would never! Not at the risk of decreased cognitive performance!

Except of course she would:

Hey, how’d that gas stove get in there??? We’re so confused! Somebody, anybody … make it make sense, dammit!

Ahhhhh.

OK, so apparently the basis for AOC’s claim that gas stoves reduce cognitive performance comes from personal experience. It’s understandable that she’d make that connection, although in her particular case, she was starting from a point of low cognitive performance, so she needs someone — or something — else to blame in order to avoid acknowledging that she’d be an idiot no matter what kind of stove she uses.

Advertisement

Maybe she thinks that if she plunges her entire head into a bowl of ice-cold water, it will protect her brain from the gas stove’s cognitive-performance-reducing fumes.

Oh yesssssssss.

It is — in sticking with the cooking theme — *chef’s kiss*.

Don’t worry — AOC’s got plenty more where this one came from. She’s no doubt cooking up another one as we speak.

***

Related:

Noted border hawk AOC says U.S. must stop granting refuge to Brazil’s Bolsonaro

***

Help us keep owning the libs! Join Twitchy VIP and use promo code AMERICAFIRST to receive a 25% discount off your membership!

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Twitchy Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement