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Chef AOC's warning about gas stoves gets whipped up into the 'best self-own ever'

By now, you’ve probably heard about the Biden administration mulling a ban on gas stoves. You know, because regular Americans shouldn’t be allowed to have nice things like cooking appliances that allow for more even cooking and more effective cooking and more efficient cooking and just an all-around better cooking experience.

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And if regular Americans are allowed to have gas stoves, they’ll get stupider. Bet you didn’t know that, did you? Probably because you’ve been spending too much time around that gas stove and have suffered reduced cognitive performance as a result.

Here, let AOC explain it to you:

Although if you have done a lot of cooking on a gas stove, you may need to have someone else read it to you because of your own reduced cognitive performance.

Well, thank goodness we’ve got someone like AOC in Congress. Her high cognitive performance is a precious asset. She will protect us from ourselves.

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*Record scratch*

Wait, what? AOC using a gas stove? She would never! Not at the risk of decreased cognitive performance!

Except of course she would:

Hey, how’d that gas stove get in there??? We’re so confused! Somebody, anybody … make it make sense, dammit!

Ahhhhh.

OK, so apparently the basis for AOC’s claim that gas stoves reduce cognitive performance comes from personal experience. It’s understandable that she’d make that connection, although in her particular case, she was starting from a point of low cognitive performance, so she needs someone — or something — else to blame in order to avoid acknowledging that she’d be an idiot no matter what kind of stove she uses.

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Maybe she thinks that if she plunges her entire head into a bowl of ice-cold water, it will protect her brain from the gas stove’s cognitive-performance-reducing fumes.

Oh yesssssssss.

It is — in sticking with the cooking theme — *chef’s kiss*.

Don’t worry — AOC’s got plenty more where this one came from. She’s no doubt cooking up another one as we speak.

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Related:

Noted border hawk AOC says U.S. must stop granting refuge to Brazil’s Bolsonaro

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