There was so much we didn’t know about the elusive and mystical Triscuit!
Pull up a chair and learn a thing or two:
OK, buckle up. I wanna talk to you about Triscuit. pic.twitter.com/Tg7334OSbc
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
We write about a lot of things but this may well be the first time we’ve covered Triscuits.
Several years ago I was at a party (BRAG!), and I spotted a box of Triscuits. I asked everyone, "What does the word 'Triscuit' mean? It's clearly based on the word "BISCUIT," but what does the "TRI" mean?" (I'm great at parties.)
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
Clearly he’s great at parties.
The consensus was that "TRI" means three. Maybe "three layers" or "three ingredients." No one knew for sure, though, so I Googled it. But here's the thing — Google didn't seem to have an official answer, either. Just more guesses.
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
Whoa, GOOGLE didn’t even know?!
So we went straight to the source. We emailed Nabisco. And the response we got a few days later shook us to the core. Here it is: pic.twitter.com/Ks1gmaIQXj
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
It does not mean three.
This is almost as shocking as Google not having an answer.
"The "TRI" does not mean 3." How… how do they know what it DOESN'T mean, but NOT know what it DOES mean? HOW??
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
Aliens, duh.
Also, "No business records survived"? What the HELL happened at the Triscuit factory? Did the building explode? Did someone run out of the doors and yell "It doesn't mean THREE!" right before perishing in a giant blaze?
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
FROM OUR COLD DEAD HANDS!
I was baffled. And I couldn't stand not knowing. So I did a little sleuthing online, and stumbled on some early Triscuit advertisements. Take a look at these bad boys: pic.twitter.com/jbeBUmjeCF
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
Baked by electricity.
Hrm.
Also, this dude seriously needs a hobby.
In the early 1900's, Triscuit was run out of Niagara Falls. And their big selling point? Being "baked by electricity." They were "the only food on the market prepared by this 1903 process." Look at the lightning bolts! And that's when it clicked–
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
Elec-TRI-city Biscuit
TRISCUIT MEANS "ELECTRICITY BISCUIT"
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
OMG HE SOLVED IT.
We did it, folks. WE DID IT. https://t.co/ZvxasdiNV0
— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) March 26, 2020
This editor laughed so hard she coughed and then got all paranoid about the coronavirus.
Thanks, man.
The most interesting thing about this, is that there is someone higher up the ladder than blue check verified Triscuit.
Now I want to know who’s at the very top of the triscuit food chain
— chinese wuhan the black Elf (@flo_rida_man) March 26, 2020
I never knew I needed this thread or that I would have to buckle up for something Triscuit related but 2020 is a wild ride.
— Jessica Fletcher (@heckyessica) March 26, 2020
It is indeed.
***
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