Forget that totwaffles look DELICIOUS, the way Ada Powers writes about how to make them in this thread is just superb and a great way to laugh about being locked down. Not only will you learn now to make something quite possibly very yummy but you’ll have an opportunity to read something really, really well-written.
It’s fantastic, trust us.
I get it: you're on lockdown. You're trying to do a lot with a little. It's hard to find joy in the midst of fear, depression, and austerity.
That's why it's time to learn about totwaffles. (thread) pic.twitter.com/F6zIaBLsql
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
A non-political thread? GET outta town!
It’s just so great.
Totwaffles are special in that they are among the elite order of foods which sound almost, but not quite, like a colloquial anatomical vulgarism. This alone may be nourishment in dark times. You are encouraged to lean into this fact as much as feels right for you.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
I found that even in stores that were cleaned out of frozen everything, tots were still available. This may not be true for you. Brand isn't important; sometimes I think the knockoff tots work even better. You may be able to find them at your local corner store.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
You also need a waffle iron. You may already have one; it may slightly hate you for never using it. This is not your fault. Waffles feel like a thing for people who have their shit together. You do not have your shit together. But you are about to give your iron a higher purpose.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
‘It may slightly hate you for never using it.’
LOL
Just don't bake them. That is depriving your waffle iron of its new raison d'être, and we have promised it a better life than that. Ideally you want them to be soft, warm, a little wet. Like most good things in this world that are not socks.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Once you've prepped your tots, line them up on the waffle iron. Wherever they go, really. Tear them to make them fit small holes. Squish them into place. It doesn't matter. They are potatoes, and they will do your bidding. pic.twitter.com/FVNpz3SKQG
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Potatoes will do your bidding.
This is also true in the media … oh, come on, you KNEW we’d make a Brian Stelter joke in a piece about tater tots, right?
Then, SQUISH down your waffle iron. It may require pressure. The top may not latch; some of the tots may spill out. This is okay. You may have just voided your warranty. This is okay. Warranties, like rent and office work, are but constructs which were never built to serve us. pic.twitter.com/84YQpF4D7Z
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Here are some other things which were never built to serve us.https://t.co/JLz4FyKOIN
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Leave the tots to cook. While you are doing that, contemplate: what shall you dress them with? To me, there is but one answer, and I share it with hesitation, for it may reveal things which are better left to the darkness of ignorance. It is SYRUPCHUP.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
To make SYRUPCHUP: Combine maple syrup and ketchup in a 1:1 ratio. Either microwave or stovetop works. If you heat it on a stove, try not to let it boil and reduce. We want yield. The SYRUPCHUP must flow. pic.twitter.com/xHheK0XcIy
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
This sounds both delicious and disgusting so we’re torn.
There are precisely two kinds of people in the world, perhaps the universe: those who see SYRUPCHUP as an inevitability, and those who witness it as an abomination. It is impossible to predict which you are, which your closest friends are. Doing is the only knowing.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
OMG WHAT IF WE’RE BOTH?!
I believe it is the only way to truly honor the duality of the totwaffle, to respect it as both tot and waffle. I have been maligned as a heretic for my beliefs, a queer breakfast anarchist unappreciated in my time. Perhaps future generations will understand.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Once you have recovered from dividing your community forever, check on your waffle iron. It may say it's done. Respectfully, DO NOT BELIEVE ITS LIES. Verify, by eye or finger, that it is crisp, that the tots have transcended their individuality and become something greater. pic.twitter.com/ed60BX6eDH
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Yeah no this is good. pic.twitter.com/dNoJbD4i4h
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Sever the corpus callosum/callosi of this new organism, so that its hemispheres may part ways gracefully. If they do not, or if structural integrity is not to be found, that is okay—we are all falling apart. May we love our own falterings as we do the potato. We are the potato.
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
In other words, you don’t want your tots to stick.
At this point, you may serve with whatever condiment you are prepared to become a martyr for. If you're feeling brunch instead, or simply for extra nutrition, you may add to it. A fried egg works great; I use scrambled polenta, or tofu with spices that make it taste like eggs. pic.twitter.com/LGST3pw3XF
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Now that you and your waffle iron have rehabilitated your relationship, appreciate the world of possibility that has opened up before you both. Enjoy the new lens through which you now view all comestibles, the question living ever at the center of your heart: Will It Waffle?
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
Everyone is hurting right now, my household included, but lots of people are hurting more. If you're doing relatively okay, AND you're helping others, AND you enjoyed this thread, AND you have a few bucks to spare: I wouldn't say no to keeping us in tots.https://t.co/rwGbSO6dFs
— Ada Powers (@mspowahs) March 19, 2020
We don’t usually include tweets about financial support BUT we thought with the way the world is right now and the awesomeness of her thread that we’d share it.
***
Related:
Join the conversation as a VIP Member