Mental note. If you are capable of taking a selfie of a wound and tweeting about it odds are you do NOT need to go to the ER.

Second mental note, never set yourself up for the ultimate trolling in Twitter history by asking Twitter about ANYTHING important.

Should you cut your bangs? Fine to ask Twitter.

Should you go to the ER? Eh, pass.

Luckily Jonathan Chait didn’t take our advice:

His mom warned him he’d shoot his eye out.

OMG we so had to find a way to work a line from ‘A Christmas Story’ into this piece. Don’t @ us.


He really waited for that punchline, didn’t he?



WebMD’s answer to every question is CANCER.

‘Hey WebMD, how long should I leave the pot roast in the oven?’

‘You want pot roast to have an internal temperature of 150 oh and by the way, YOU HAVE CANCER!!!’


See, Jared agrees with us.

Psh, inner child nothing.



This sh*t is OFF THE HOOK! Louie Gohmert goes OFF on Peter Strzok and Democrats just LOSE IT

‘Unprecedented CONTEMPT for America!’ James Woods sums Peter Strzok and Dems up in 1 BRUTAL tweet

MELTDOWN City! Nikki Haley is speaking at the High School Leadership Summit and Lefties just can’t DEAL