Snicker. What sparked Ace of Spades to graciously decode Twitter bios for everyone? Well, this happened:
ICYMI: vile idiot attacks @dloesch; decoding twitter bio-brags–what they REALLY mean http://t.co/6Pl1dKLs6J
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
You see, a HuffPo community “contributor” aimed a vile sex fantasy attack at Dana Loesch. Ah, tolerance and love!
The attack involves degredation via anal sex and Allah’s vengeance for the unrighteous. Kind of like the Reeces’ Peanut Butter Cups of hate.
Progressive blogger Pascal Robert, known online as “THOUGHT MERCHANT,” launched a vile attack against conservative radio host Dana Loesch on Tuesday.
Here is what I have learned:
Anyone who claims to be “funny!” or “witty!” in their Twitter profiles is neither.
Ace goes on to translate self-brags in Twitter profiles. Serious You Guys: Read the whole thing. He then took to Twitter to continue the hilarious drubbing as only he can.
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "I've got NO TIME for STUPIDITY!!!" = "I have a great deal of time for stupidity"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "HuffPo Contributor" = "I live due to the charity of my grandma and the State"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "Just a young college girl trying to make it and looking to have FUNNN!!!!" = "I am a prostitute"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "'Skepticism is not just a habit of mind; it is a moral duty.' –Francis Bacon" = "Fire Can't Melt Steel"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "climate change activist" = "I don't bathe as much as I should. I'm ripe as a possum" @AG_Conservative @JohnEkdahl
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
And for the win:
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "@anthonyweiner" = "here's my dick"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 29, 2013
Giggling madly. While shuddering. Does that equal shiggling?
Fellow Twitter users helped Ace with the translations:
@AceofSpadesHQ #DecodedTwitterBioBrags "Hates Drama" = "Constantly instigating Drama in every situation"
— Michael Blum (@MichaelBlum3) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "Bacon-lover. Beer Afficiando. Dreamer. Tunisia" = "Yeah, I'm not Real"
— Michael Blum (@MichaelBlum3) August 29, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ #DecodedTwitterBioBrags "I like to read" = "I like to read 9/11 conspiracy books and the Jews totally did it."
— Kent Reigning Social Distancing Champ Graham (@kent_graham) August 29, 2013
@Will_Antonin @AceofSpadesHQ "I've got no time for stupidity!" = "Ed Schultz is an intellectual titan." #DecodedTwitterBioBrags
— Rob (@Hoss_Fuentes) August 29, 2013
#DecodedTwitterBioBrags "I put teabaggers in their place" = "If I hear any argument for small govt I'm not prepared for, I will block you"
— ryuge (@0ryuge) August 29, 2013
#decodedtwitterbiobrags "Just trying to figure out my lot in life" = "I'm a 20 something lazy ass living at home. Playing xbox til 3am."
— JK (@heisjuicy) August 29, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ #DecodedTwitterBioBrags "progressive" = "regressive, close-minded troll"
— Mike (@ThePantau) August 29, 2013
Nailing? Accomplished.
#decodedtwitterbiobrags "#ows, #noh8, #equalpay, #prochoice, #nofeauxnews, #OFA, #Obama" = "@MSNBC host" Pick whichever one you want.
— JK (@heisjuicy) August 29, 2013
Zing!
More please, Twitter.
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