‘Know why men like boobs?’ Ace teaches Amanda Marcotte the facts of life with hilarious results

Wait, what? Serious You Guys?

Oh, the delusional Amanda Marcotte is at it again. Ace of Spades explains:

Warning: Marcotte’s writing is not safe for sanity. The real war on women? It’s perpetrated by “feminists” like Ms. Marcotte. But, no worries! Ace of Spades is here to graciously teach her something about the facts of life.

Life is hard!

Ace and his fellow hilarious happy warriors continued to teach Ms. Marcotte some valuable lessons. They also delved into her delusional mind and plucked out some pick-up lines. Get ready to weep with laughter:

Yeah, that’s the ticket! In insane Marcotte-ville. Bazongas? More like babies-on-yas.

That was a win, but luckily that wasn’t the end of the riff.

Sides. Aching.

The best thing Amanda Marcotte has ever done is inspire that riff. So, there’s that!


Full Twitchy coverage of Amanda Marcotte

Full Twitchy coverage of Ace of Spades

  • TheOriginalDonald

    zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……huh huh, what happened?

    • mickeyco

      So glad I’m not you.

      • TheOriginalDonald

        sometimes pithy IS better

        • tops116

          And neither of your comments were one of those times.

    • Meekrob

      You posted something stupid.

    • TocksNedlog

      You read one of your own posts?

  • Canadian in USA

    @AceofSpadesHQ and @iowahawkblog – two reasons to even have a Twitter account.

    • Spiny Norman

      Dennis Miller and Jim Treacher are two more.

      • Teddi

        Gotta love Miller….

    • Brent Guthrie

      @KurtSchlichter and @ToddKincannon are a couple more.

      • Junie3

        Nick Searcy and James Woods are a couple more.

    • Lisa Dean

      I’d like to add Adam Baldwin to that list as well!

  • CatHerder

    Keep ’em barefoot and pregnant. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    • I Am Breitbart

      Right cause kids are so cheap to have you know!!!

  • Johnny Banco

    This gets my vote for the best line of mockery Ace has done! :)

    • Spiny Norman

      Agreed, although to be fair, Amanda is a very easy target for mockery.

      • Abiss

        The ‘batshit insane’ usually are…

      • WisconsinPatriot

        “Low hanging fruit”

        • SDN

          More like “low-hanging fruit-bat”….

        • Brian McQuaig

          Another breast joke?

  • sardiverdave

    I especially like MILTMMAs. Moms I’d like to make mothers again.

  • conservative2012

    Ace of Spades is hysterically funny. Love it! Advice to new mothers never let a man pick out the nursery wall paper.

    • Cal

      CAMO nursery wallpaper. Camo and guns. Oh, and stuff with internal combustion engines.

      • Rob

        Already shot down by my wife. (pun intended)
        He DOES have some camo shorts and Marine clothes. (His uncle is a Marine)

      • conservative2012

        LOL. That would be a no. :)

      • http://zimriel.blogspot.com/ Zimriel

        especially if it’s a girl

    • VictorErimita

      And GILFS. Girls I’d like to fertilize.

  • stdog

    Marcotte is a misandrist masquerading as a feminist. Most of them are. why would her strange views about men surprise anyone?

  • suzyb

    Now I finally understand all those tweets – I thought someone had hacked his account :)

  • Jimni27

    There is nothing more fun than getting to your night shift job and trying to backtrack through AOS tweets to find out WTF he is going on about, lol. The right needs more people like him and Iowahawk to truly shed a light on the idiocy of the left.

    • MNWoman

      I just wrote a little bit ago, thanking Twitchy for keeping up to date with Ace’s brilliance so we don’t miss out on it.

  • MNWoman

    I love Ace. His tweets are brilliant.

    Besides Ace’s hilarious mockery, of the tweets contributed, I loved the tweet from Jeb Bos: “Sometimes when I’m lonely, I furiously buy diapers at Target. Then I take a nap”.

    Thanks, twitchy, for keeping up to date with Ace’s brilliance.

  • Damien Johnson

    I’m digging those Fresh Prince-esque baby lines! “I’d like to see THOSE legs behind a stroller, know what I’m sayin?”

    But, sadly, it has gotten to a point that you have to tell people that “no, sex is not primarily for pleasure.” They’ll actually say “So you’re saying people shouldn’t have sex unless they want a baby?” And it’s just “YES! That’s exactly right!”

    • http://www.black-and-right.com/ IceColdTroll

      Or at least are prepared to have one.

      • Damien Johnson

        ah, there’s the one I was missing.

        • Rob

          We live in a country where you HAVE to have car insurance just to drive, and health insurance JUST TO LIVE.

          But can’t demand men/women be mentally/financially secured for the end game of sexual reproduction. OH NO! That’s unacceptable. We’ll just allow abortions.

          Like skipping out on paying for the damage done in an auto-accident by just killing the plaintiff.

    • Silenttype78

      When you bring up the whole ” people should wait until they are prepared for the possibility of pregnancy before engaging in sex ” a lib-prog will demand that you apologize for suggesting that sex should be ” means tested “. I like to call it ” common sense ” tested but they aren’t familiar with that concept.

      • Damien Johnson

        and that’s when I refuse to apologize. *smirk

  • FaithColeridge33

    She looks like she’s still mad about not being asked to the prom.

    • CatHerder

      She’s mad because guys dress her with their eyes.

      • Mekadave

        With several winter layers, even in August.

        • brewerandpatriot

          And one of those facehuggers from the Alien franchise. Seeing as their only mission in life is to impregnate the host makes it even sexier.

      • http://www.black-and-right.com/ IceColdTroll

        Zing! Gotta remember that one…

      • Mary Lee

        Oh my gosh…..I just peed my pants a little bit

      • tops116

        Winning comment right there.

      • DaMello

        That was Too. Damn. Funny..!!! I feel like I should owe you a beer!

      • mike_in_kosovo

        Reminds me of that bit from Coyote Ugly…

        “Take it off!!!”

        “Wait…put some back on!!!”

      • Teddi

        Winner !

      • The Penguin

        Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, the “Pied Piper of Felidae”…and he’s here all week folks 😉

      • Grandma HeadInjury

        With good reason. On the attractive side, she does have John McCain’s tumor-cheeks…


        • Lisa Dean

          Some of my guy friends would say she’s got good BJ muscles….

          • Grandma HeadInjury

            I just had an involuntary Kegel/cringe at that thought. *shudders*

          • Lisa Dean

            I know *hangs head in shame*. I hate when they use terms like that and then I go and repeat it….had a coworker state “She’s got jaw muscles stronger than a pit bull”.

          • The Penguin

            Ha! Awesome!

        • TKeenan

          Storing nuts for winter?….

      • Grandma HeadInjury

        With good reason. On the attractive side, she does have John McCain’s tumor-cheeks…


  • http://blog.khelek.us Brian Johnson

    I don’t know that I’ve laughed so hard in a long time. Thanks for your brilliance, Ace!

    • mickeyco

      Do you feel as silly as I do sitting in front of my computer,laughing like a loon?

      • http://blog.khelek.us Brian Johnson

        I did! I was sitting in the living room with my Nexus 7 with my wife and mother in law and laughing so hard! And I had nothing to tell them when they asked, other than, “just this funny thing i read on Twitter”….

  • Gothguy

    Yep, Amanda, because nothing says love more than a court ordered child support payment!

  • Damien Johnson

    DepressiveBlogger69 @AceofSpadesHQ

    men are so superficial. We see a girl and our only thought, our ONLY thought, is “Would she make a good caregiver?”

    7:40 PM – 4 Aug 2013

    Honestly though, this is something I’ll actually be considering once I start looking for a potential wife. So if there’s any woman that thinks it’s ok to kill a child, that automatically answers Ace’s thought question with a “no,” and I would say, “disqualifies” herself from marriage consideration.

    If you want to get married and have kids, then you have to find somebody that not only also wants kids, but would also make a good mother.

    • Cal


    • Rob

      Yes but you’re in the reasonable/mature party.

      I still hold the reason that women feel compelled to not budge on abortions is that us men are failing our duty to be respectable men like yourself. Many just want sex and no consequences/ramifications other than the temporary euphoria.

      As emotionally healthy as eating dessert but skipping the main course.

      • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

        But (and I know this for a FACT!), there are couples who get more intimate as their relationship progresses, which includes activities like “Swinging” and wife/Husband swapping… So imagine a pregnancy from that… Jawamax 8<{D}

      • Damien Johnson

        I think that’s an interesting theory, but at the same time, there are still a lot of men who are speaking up because they feel it is unfair that a woman can kill the child, but the man who was responsible for the child’s existence and wants to take responsibility has no say in the matter. I need to double check on this but I believe that women are almost evenly divided on the issue.

        Thank you for calling me responsible and mature.

        • Rob

          I says it likes I sees it.

  • Jackalopes

    Wow, Ace was on quite a roll there!

    • TheOriginalDonald

      So was Michael Larsen once upon a time.

      • tops116

        “zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……huh huh, what happened?”

        See you had the right comment. Ya just directed it at someone else when it should’ve been directed at yourself.

  • allenbarr

    Most men I know who use a lot of filthiness in their speech are sex craze. So as we all know Ace of Spades is a favorite on here he is truly not much more than a want to be blogger. My sympathies to those who that get carried away by him.

    • tops116

      “Most men I know who use a lot of filthiness in their speech are sex craze.”

      Thanks for that insight into your personal life.

      “So as we all know Ace of Spades is a favorite on here”

      So as we all know, this part of Allen’s second sentence had nothing to do with Allen’s first sentence.

      “he is truly not much more than a want to be blogger”

      That’s some pretty tough talk from a random user on the Internet that has demonstrated a (at best) tenuous grasp of the English language.

      “My sympathies to those who that get carried away by him.”

      Someone I doubt that’s going to encourage anything beyond a snarking reply. So, you have my sympathies for that.

      • J. Cox

        Well done…Love it when someone shreds a troll good 😉

    • SPQR9

      Failed snark. Plainly Ace has orders of magnitude more wit and creatvity than you.

    • Jay Stevens


      AoS has been blogging for about 10 years now. That is pretty good for a want-to-be.

      And the material he posts on Twitchy is pretty much of a sideline. He is primarily a milblogger.

    • TocksNedlog

      Those are 52 words of your life that you will never get back.

    • allenbarr

      looks like you people need to open up your eyes. Hate in comments from left or right is hate. You can drink koolaide from Obama or from Ace. Does not anyone any more care about clean living. Setting example for others before the LORD? I am a conservative. I don’t like the filth. OK

      • Grandma HeadInjury

        Please don’t be you and bring God into this. We have a hard enough time without your “help”…..

      • Grandma HeadInjury

        Please don’t be you and bring God into this. We have a hard enough time without your “help”…..

      • Lisa Dean

        Using the term “you people” isn’t exactly on the nice side of things either.

      • Bristel

        Concern Troll, take the log out of your eye before trying to take the speck out of Ace’s.

    • Lisa Dean

      I actually like Ace of Spades and follow him on Twitter. Obviously I’m not a guy so how does that fit in with your theory.

  • Karin_A

    That was hilarious, hats off to all participants.

  • PeterP

    I lie to women and tell them I have a condom on when I don’t just to get them pregnant and force them to marry me.

  • PeterP

    Megan Fox asked me over for a booty call once. I said, “Meg, are you fertile.” She said “no.” I passed.

  • Justin Hogan

    So if I prefer a nice rear end, what does that mean?

    • tops116

      Baby got back, which means she got front! And that means room for a womb!

      • DaMello

        Love me some women with a wide front porch!

      • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

        “BABY-SITTIN’ BOOGIE!” #BuzzClifford #MusicTriviaTime “Booga Booga Booga, awww gone…” XD Jawamax 8<{D}

    • nc

      It means you’re a Badonkadonk man.

  • tops116

    Let it never be said that Amanda Marcotte doesn’t contribute to society. Without her, all these tweets wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t have had such a great laugh.

  • Christopher

    All that he wants, is another baby, whooooaaaoooh!

  • Cal

    That…that was a stream of brilliance. What a sense of humor, haha.

  • Tre

    My wife slapped me ‘cuz when we went to the beach I was looking at all of those bikini-babes and imagining them in maternity dresses.
    My wife gets mad ‘cuz I keep insisting on taking our children on our “date night”.
    My wife is cleaning a .30-’06 rifle over there now while I’m playing with my daughters dolls.

  • floridaobserver

    My friend says he hates to see me leave but he loves to watch me go.

    Obviously not a boob man.

    • nc

      Sounds like you got a Honkytonk Badonkadonk : )

  • Eddie Dane

    Wow. And I thought it was funny when everyone trashes her as a racist plagiarist. This is waaaaay better.

  • http://erickbrockway.com/ Erick Brockway

    “I like big birthing hips and I can not lie
    You other brothers can’t deny
    That when a potential mother walks in with an itty bitty waist
    And a round thing in your face…”

    Lyrics changed.

    • Lisa Dean

      You think Damn
      I can’t wait till the ob exam
      And the ultrasound
      Cause we’re baby bound…

      • http://erickbrockway.com/ Erick Brockway

        My twin sister from another Mister!

        • Lisa Dean

          LoL! I’ve had to adjust my lyrical stylings when my 7.5 yr old son’s in the car but I’m rather proud of my abilities to recreate songs on a whim.

  • John Thomas “Jack” Ward III

    THIRTY-THREE YEARS! I’ve been searching for Ms. /Mrs. Right, one who wants to start a family, but all I find are girls who want money, booze, or other things I don’t have much of…I had better luck in New York (3 GF’s up there, but they didn’t want marriage/kids…) Jawamax 8<{D}

  • NCRelite

    oooOOOooo I wanna knock you up (sung to the tune of Sex You Up by Color Me Badd)

  • Nick M.


  • right_on

    Marcotte is so easily disproved;
    Out of wedlock birth for black women is what, about 71%?
    Since the 60’s, single parent families have increased how much?
    Is the “notion” of one night stands now passé?

    So, do unattractive women get impregnated at a higher rate than attractive women, because attractive women are more inclined to have a reason to partake of birth control?
    Women undergo breast augmentation surgery to attract other women?
    Women’s magazines have had it all wrong regarding women’s sexuality all these years? Sigh…all those wasted articles….
    Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus?

  • HARP2

    I thought girls just wanna have fun ?
    I like fun.

  • HARP2

    Have at er` boys.

    • Jay Stevens

      Did you see DWS’s pictures from a fashion shoot last year? She actually cleans up pretty well:

      • WhoMeToo

        Smoke & Mirrors & Extensive Air-brushing can work miracles. Then you see them in person….. O.o

        • Lisa Dean

          Don’t forget Photoshop miracles…

      • The Penguin

        Dude she’s got Stan from American Dad’s jawline. No thankyou.

      • The Penguin

        Dude she’s got Stan from American Dad’s jawline. No thankyou.

    • Truth

      That’s enough to scare me into celibacy.

  • John Howard

    I have no idea who Amanda Marcotte is or why I should hang on her every word.

  • http://ikokujin.blogspot.com/ Photios

    I am quite literally laughing so hard tears are running down my face. Until now I thought that this;


    was the funniest thing I had ever read. Ace has outdone himself.

  • Truth

    Amanda who?

  • $1014973

    One time I had sex with a girl who was On The Pill, but I didn’t like it.

    I could barely feel anything, emotionally.

    Ace = Comedic Genius

  • jthomason

    There are no “leg men”, or “boob men”, etc. That’s all a ruse. Actually, we are all “child-bearing hips men”.

  • Zach Smith

    “it’s the most bizarre ideologically-based inversion of reality I’ve ever seen.”

    Liberal dogma requires many reality inversions, but this is far from the most bizarre of them.

  • JR48

    There’s more on this on his site. I about died laughing last night. Epic.

  • JD Son

    They feel good and make great multi=purpose devices :)

  • cormac_mcroadie

    That was a slaughter. Holy crap.

  • David Govett

    Men are attracted to women’s boobs to distract them from ______.

    • native son

      Her personality!

  • Bill Dalasio

    Amanda Marcotte? Isn’t she the woman who wrote the article about how she was afraid that one of the men she was date raping might rape her?

  • harkin

    As someone who has seen her irregular dialogues at Bloggingheads…..she’s so far out there she named one of her moons Charon.

  • BuckTard

    The original Playboy symbol was a Stork….Hilarious!

  • Gwamma

    LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!! Good thing I had no coffee with me, as my computer would have had a caffeine bath!

  • yviemarie88

    I wish I could do this as well as Ace but, alas, I would have to pay attention to them and actually legitimize them first. Nope, can’t do it. Libs are a bad joke, best treated like you didn’t hear it in the first place.

  • daveachicagoareajamerican

    Oh baby…baby…baby…gimme a baby, baby!

  • FaithColeridge33

    I was going to be funny and say Amanda is more obsessed with boobs than most men are. But that just wouldn’t be true. Ever. LOL

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1194859504 Michael Ruda

    This riff may make me actually join Twitter. I’m still laughing

  • MarcusFenix

    I can now face the day with a smile, Ace always delivers. Too funny.

  • stuckinIL4now

    “One time I had sex with a girl who was On The Pill, but I didn’t like it.
    I could barely feel anything, emotionally.—
    DepressiveBlogger69 (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 05, 2013”

    Was it Dunham or Fluke? Oh no, wait, you wouldn’t …


    Girl No. 1
    I love boobies and the kitty, but if a woman is intelligent, can speak clearly, has a beautiful mouth, nice teeth, gorgeous eyes, curves in all the right places, eats when we go out and doesn’t have a problem drinking REAL beer, and going to a hockey game and cursing at the star of the other team, loves to shoot guns, go to Air Shows, can do her own car maintenance, and loves motorcycles, and drag racing, finally, a lady in public, a porn star in the bedroom, that’s the perfect girl for me.

    Liberal chick No. 2
    This chick is some snob, let my pussy power invoke my lib bullshit to make me look like an idiot, total turn off who I’d grudge fuck for the hell of it, not hand her a washcloth to wipe the goo off of here face, refuse her a shower, then kick her ass out of my house.

    Give me Girl No. 1 anyday. Girl No. 2. You’ve been warned, you won’t be anything but a need met.

  • Jer

    No, you can call yourself Mommy. Totally sexy, not weird at all.

  • porgiefirefighter

    You say I’m going to have to wait nine months?!? Nothing like ruining the moment!

  • porgiefirefighter

    You say I’m going to have to wait nine months?!? Nothing like ruining the moment!

  • Richo

    So in all those tweets does he even have a link to whatever Marcotte was saying on the subject? Looks like he basically just set up a straw man and then burned it down. Congratulations.

    • Scotty G.

      What ever you do dude, don’t bother to look it up for yourself, just whine about no link.

  • vjm

    The long awaited male birth control has arrived, in the form of the morning after pill. All a guy has to do is purchase the now OTC pill and conceal it in anything the woman is consuming. viola!! This new found control I am sure is off label, but now men have the ability to control his paternity!

  • $36085093

    Shouldn’t they be called FILMs — F***s I would love to be Mothers

  • Joe Cavanaugh


  • Scotty G.

    Just the other day at the sports bar, the bros and I were debating cloth vs disposable.

  • Bathing Suit Area

    Wow, Ace really showed that straw-Marcotte who’s boss!

  • Jay Stevens
  • TocksNedlog

    No “perhaps” about it.