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Desperation Is The World's Worst Cologne: Leftists Try to Gin Up Justice Alito Stock 'Scandal'

Gif meme

The left really can't abide the fact that the United States has a center-right Supreme Court. After all, the courts are one of the few institutions in America they don't control, so obviously, it must be destroyed. 

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We won't recount the hundreds of times that have lobbed false (and extremely racist) attacks against Clarence Thomas. Just search those two keywords on Twitchy and you'll see no shortage of articles we've written about their bad-faith 'arguments.'

Since none of that has worked (and never will), the left has a new SCOTUS target: Justice Samuel Alito. Over the weekend, you will recall that they demanded his removal from the court because his wife flew a flag in a way they didn't like. No, we are not joking about that.

Since that story had all of the traction of a greased-up slug on a Slip N' Slide, this morning they tried a new strategy: make up a fake stock scandal. Both The Daily Beast and The New Republic published 'BREAKING NEWS' this morning that is sure to rock the very foundations of the court ... for all of about half a second. 

What did Alito do that was so nefarious? He sold some Bud Light stock he owned after the company started to tank due to its celebration of noted man Dylan Mulvaney. 

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Ahhh, the infamous 'timeline.'

Here is the damning evidence that The New Republic discovered:

... Samuel Alito sold between $1,000 and $15,000 worth of stock in Anheuser-Busch in mid-August 2023. Per Geidner, this stock dump in the midst of the right-wing boycott against Bud Light suggests Alito may have sold his stock as a form of participation in the boycott.

Well, since they brought up the timing, let's take a look at that, shall we? 

The Mulvaney scandal -- and subsequent boycott by conservatives -- happened in April 2023. By May, the stock had already plummeted by 10 percent. By August, the time when Alito sold his stock, it had cratered by 15 percent. 

Justice Alito is either the worst insider trader in history or maybe, just maybe, he's just a rational person who saw the writing on the wall for Bud Light and cut his losses when he could. 

The New Republic also tried to scandalize the fact that Alito proceeded to buy Coors stock speculating without evidence that he chose Coors because the owners are more conservative. What an outrage. He bought stock in a beer company that wasn't engineering its own demise. 

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Shhhhhhh. We're not supposed to talk about Pelosi's incredible 'luck' in the stock market, outperforming even the likes of Warren Buffett. 

Because that's (D)ifferent.

He didn't even sell it 'around the same time.' He sold it several months afterwards, at a significant personal loss. 

We enjoy their salty tears of defeat. But they will never stop trying. They can't win on ideas, so they have to manufacture 'ethics issues.'

Can we institute a 'Frog of Hilarious Futility and Desperation'? Maybe that doesn't quite roll off the tongue as smoothly.

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HEY. We TOLD you not to bring that up. 

Whatever it is they're smoking, they got scammed. 

Interesting question. Here's the answer: 

Bingo. 

Yes, thank you for pointing that word selection out. It can't be a right-wing campaign if it's not vicious. We're a little disappointed they left out 'bloodthirsty' though. 

HAHAHAHAHA. 

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Don't give them any ideas though. We're sure they're crawling through Alito's family history to see if any of them ever used a curse word. 

OK, we mean it now. Stop it. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT NANCY PELOSI'S STOCK TRADES OR HOLDINGS. 

We giggled a little at that mental image, we can't lie. 

Evergreen tweet. There will never come a day when it is not relevant. 

The American leftist media in a nutshell, ladies and gentlemen. 

We haven't been this shocked since we turned on the faucet this morning and -- GASP -- water came out. 

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Yep. That's it. That's the 'scandal.' 

We're really looking forward to the left's next SCOTUS scandal. Maybe they'll try to implicate Brett Kavanaugh by noting that he has locks on his doors and doesn't leave them wide open so that deranged lunatics may more easily attempt to assassinate him and his family. 

OK, that's the last straw. We have warned you many times NOT TO TALK ABOUT NANCY PELOSI. 

You leave us no choice. We are turning the car around, going home, and ending this article RIGHT NOW.

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