Joe Biden lies. (Excuse us ... 'embellishes.') A lot. He lies so often, it's not even news anymore when he does it. Not that the mainstream media would make it news, they're too busy covering for or ignoring those lies. Whether it is about his academic history, his political history, his family, or even his own upbringing, the man lies like most people breathe.
Recently, conservative actor Matthew Marsden -- who is as fed up with these lies as any normal person would and should be -- decided to have a little fun with Biden's tall tales and asked Twitter/X to list some of the 46th President's greatest achievements. The response from users was every bit as funny as you would expect.
The thing I admire about Joe Biden the most is when he invented the wheel.
— Matthew Marsden (@matthewdmarsden) September 15, 2023
Which Biden achievement is your favorite?
We're pretty sure Biden is old enough that this at least could be true.
He commanded four ships in the Navy's 6th Fleet...simultaneously.
— WitchDoktor (@WitchDoktor1) September 16, 2023
They don't call Biden 'the Maestro of the Med' for nothing, folks.
I think its when he mentored Sir Edmund Hillary on his Everest climb. Hand to God, the man is so brave, yet humble.
— NewsieOne (@NewsieOne) September 16, 2023
Is that the same Sir Edmund Hillary who Hillary Clinton claimed she was named after? (Even though she was born six years before anyone knew who Edmund Hillary was.)
When he crossed the Delaware to single handedly win the Revolutionary War.
— Quintus Septimius Florens Tertullianus (@mwilliams433) September 16, 2023
Those paintings of Biden and his troops rowing across the frigid, icy river that dark Christmas night have become indelible icons of America's victory over the British.
He was the first to slice the bread. Genius.
— Jules! (@sparkly_jules1) September 16, 2023
Without Biden's ingenious method, we would have no reference point when we say, 'The greatest thing since...'
The internet, although Al Gore tried to steal credit.
— DrM 🇺🇸 (@DrMagnolias) September 15, 2023
We never did trust that Al Gore. Trying to rip off Biden's invention like that. Shame on you, Al.
He freed the slaves
— Rms54 (@DucksOnGrid) September 15, 2023
Yeah, the history books will try to tell you that was Abraham Lincoln. Don't you believe them? They're fake news. That was all Joey, baby.
Or shoved Moses aside, parted the Red Sea, and led the Jewish People out of Egypt in the name of the Democratic Party. That was pretty impressive!
— Michael M. Rogers (@TXMikeRogers) September 15, 2023
Our favorite passage in Exodus is when Biden boldly strode into Pharoah's hall, whipped off his aviators, took a lick of his chocolate chocolate chip double cone, and demanded, 'Let my people go, Jack.'
Playing for both USC and Michigan in the Rose Bowl
— Spinach_Inquisition (@Gwengoughlin) September 15, 2023
Biden played ironman football in that game too, offense and defense for both teams. He truly deserved to win all three Heisman trophies that year.
My favorite is when he invented the cotton gin. My underwear now is immensely more comfortable than when I was wearing burlap drawers.
— Simon Peter (@Mark129988) September 15, 2023
And that's why Biden later had to free the slaves: he was appalled at what his invention was being used for.
I'm pretty proud of when he fought for the Alamo, right beside Davy Crockett.
— PunkBass7 (@punkbass7) September 15, 2023
And he didn't even hide in the basement that time.
— Chuck Dixon (@Dixonverse) September 15, 2023
It may look like an 'S' to us, but on Biden's home planet, that symbol he wears on his chest means 'hope.'
“Folks, let light be there. Look you know the thing.” pic.twitter.com/2shYpZ6sdK
— Ben McMillan (@benmccomposer) September 15, 2023
That was a busy week for Biden, to be sure. He needed a day of rest at the end of it.
My favorite is when he invented the atom bomb but let Oppenheimer have all the credit
— Joseph Dredd (@nv_lawdog) September 15, 2023
Biden was originally going to be the subject of Christopher Nolan's recent movie, but the casting director couldn't find an actor handsome enough to play him, so Nolan had to rewrite the script.
My favorite Biden story is when he taught Abraham Lincoln the Queen’s Gambit in chess. https://t.co/aXzkOQ1hkw
— Chris Loesch 𝕏 (@ChrisLoesch) September 16, 2023
If Lincoln had kept his appointment for a chess lesson with Biden instead of going to see a play, history would have changed forever.
When he invented Corn Pops. https://t.co/WgSs8PNKXJ
— Blue State Snooze (@BlueSnoozeBlue) September 16, 2023
Corn Pop may have been a bad dude, but Corn Pops are delicious with some nice, cold milk. Which Biden also invented.
Storming the beach at Normandy was quite an achievement. https://t.co/YVTFv0DI0s
— iDog_Reviews (@IdogReviews) September 15, 2023
Many people died that day, sadly, until Biden showed up and the Germans all just laid down their arms and surrendered. Nobody messes with a Biden.
My favorite Biden achievement is when he created Fix-a-Flat. https://t.co/gaWk8bRSn3
— TheMorningSpew2 (@TheMorningSpew2) September 16, 2023
Look, not every accomplishment has to alter the course of human events, OK? Sometimes, Biden just wants to make our lives more convenient.
Curing cancer
— MarciJoy (@msmarcijoy) September 15, 2023
Shhh. He hasn't released this one to the public yet. Don't try to steal Biden's thunder. He'll let us know about his cancer cure when he determines we are ready to receive his merciful bounty.
Hey, we know some of these things may seem farfetched, but hand to God, everything you've seen above is true. We ain't kiddin', folks. Come on man, don't take it from us. Just ask the man himself. He'll affirm everything you've read here happened, his word as a Biden.
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