*Jerry Seinfeld voice* What's the deal with the rape apologists all over TwiXXer?
I know you are all confused. Why would this chick start a piece about such a serious topic with a Seinfeld voice? The answer is pretty simple. I am a sex trauma survivor and I use humor to get me through a lot of stuff. I am actually quite annoyed I even have to write this piece. Most of us who survive trauma like that avoid having to talk about it outside of therapy. It is NOT our favorite topic, BUT there was an exchange on X (Twitter) that has kind of forced my hand so here we are.
It started with Matt Walsh. Walsh basically was saying people who make false accusations of rape are just as bad as actual rapists. False claims ruin a person's life and destroy their careers and the fallout is equal to actual rape. You guys are going to be shocked, but I kind of agree with that part. I am not positive the victim of false claims has the same brain chemistry change and exact mental fallout as a rape victim BUT I do think they suffer serious consequences and people who make false claims SHOULD be charged and sentenced the same as rapists. Here are those posts:
The Trevor Bauer case proves again that false accusations of rape are just as evil as rape itself. False accusers should be treated like rapists. Put them on a False Accuser Registry. Send them to prison. A just society would treat these women as the dangerous criminals they are.
— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) October 3, 2023
Trying to destroy someone’s life, tear apart their family, end their career, bankrupt them and send them to prison based on a lie is in fact just as bad as rape. Obviously it is. https://t.co/Bvp1r3YHUP
— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) October 3, 2023
So look, I am fine with Matt. He is not saying anything I do not agree with at least 95% in that tweet. The problem I have is some random dude replied. He was probably interaction farming but he made one of the dumbest statements I have ever seen written in black and white.
Rape does not ruin your whole life. It is a single, brief event, possibly only lasting minutes.
— dekachin (@dekach1n) October 3, 2023
Society grossly exaggerates how had rape is because it's the only crime that focuses on women.
If you asked people if they'd rather get raped or life destroyed, they'd pick rape.
So here is the part where I have to be a little vulnerable and as someone who uses humor ALL OF THE TIME I have to tell you. This is hard. I am not EVER going to give details about my childhood sexual abuse but I will tell you the consequences of that trauma in my life and many other men's and women's lives who have been rape victims. We suffer with the same issues whether the experience is a singular event or a repeated trauma.
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It does not matter how old you are when it happens.
It doesn't matter how long it happened. If it was prolonged or repeated or if it was brief and over after 5 minutes.
It does not matter if it was violent.
Rape changes a person. You can do all of the work to try and prevent that from permeating your entire being, You can move forward and live a good happy life but you will always have that dark passenger riding shotgun.
It never goes away. You live with it. ALWAYS.
There are studies that show rape survivors have a literal change in brain chemistry and how we process things. We have physical changes as well. Many people get PTSD and that does not just 'go away'. One of the things I struggle with as a repercussion of my trauma is insomnia, hence my writing this piece starting at 4:00 a.m. and not posting it until 6:47 a.m. I have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep. I hear every movement in the house even in supposed deep sleep. I have to sleep where I can see the door, who will come in, and how to get out. When I go to a new place I have to find all of the exits and know where they are.
I still have PTSD triggers that will put me in places in my head I do not want to go and have a hard time getting back to my real life, The happy life with my beautiful daughters.
I am easily startled unless I have taken inventory of all of the people or animals in the house where they are and what they are doing. I have memory holes. I have huge chunks of my life I do not recall and some things I remember in vivid detail like a chip in a bathroom tile.
My relationships have suffered. I have a hard time being vulnerable. When I tell you this piece was almost impossible to hit publish on I am not exaggerating. I dislike hugs, I am not saying all people who dislike hugs have sexual trauma. I am saying that for me, it is a trauma response. When a person hugs me it makes me feel trapped and nervous.
I have had to make extreme efforts to make sure this trauma did not rub off on my children, but some of it did. I did hug them all of the time and let them hug me, but I know some of my behavior has affected them. My daughters could not have sleepovers unless it was at our house or I met the parents more than once and did a background check. I enrolled them in self-defense so early it is not funny. I have always been a bit nervous about who surrounds them. They are both grown and I still ask who they are going to be with and when will they be home. Even as they are grown they will make sure to text me updates that they are safe and I know that is because they worry about me being worried.
Please understand, that trauma victims have a myriad of issues that surround who we are. Those of us who have put in all of the work and find joy in spite of the bad things that happened to us still have struggles. It has been YEARS and YEARS on top of YEARS since my abuse.
I have shared all of this to say, we are NOT grossly exaggerating any of this. I have been in group therapy with many people who had a one-time rape and they have most of the same issues as repeat victims. There are variances in the severity across the board as well and none of it is dependent on if it was 'a single, brief event, possibly only lasting minutes'.
I will never stop standing up when it is time to stand up. I did call out that poster on X (Twitter) and I am not sorry. There will NEVER be any apologies for calling out the rape apologist and if you got this far, I thank you for taking the time to read all of this. It has not been my favorite piece to write. I thank you in advance for all of the kind people who will comment on this piece or on my Twitter with love and support.
Hopefully, on this day after dredging up so much of this awfulness I can get back to bringing you all some laughter and put my dark passenger in the backseat.
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related: Not a great look for Brian Kilmeade
#EmergencySystemAlertSongs made us laugh
Somebody DEFENDED J. K. Rowling!
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