President Joe Biden emerged from his padded cave today to try to sell America on the awesomeness that is the Inflation Reduction Act.

Well, Biden didn’t actually come out at noon. It was more like an hour later. But that’s probably because he just needed the extra time to try to dial down his enthusiasm. He wouldn’t want to get too giddy while he’s delivering important remarks. Wouldn’t be presidential, you know.

He was still pretty giddy, though:

A godsend, folks! An effing godsend!

The Inflation Reduction Act won’t have any negative impact on most Americans, anyone who makes less than $400,000 a year. And it’s going to help boost our economy, which is still not in a recession according to whatever dictionary Joe Biden uses.

Do you hear him? We’re not in a recession, dammit!

The economy in a death spiral, with costs of goods and services way up and the real value of money way down. Businesses can’t find people to fill job vacancies. We literally cannot afford to stay on this economic trajectory. But that doesn’t sound like a recession to Joe Biden!

We still can’t quite believe we actually heard those words come out of his mouth hole.

Talk about malarkey. This is textbook malarkey. Look up “malarkey” in the dictionary, and this is it.

Really, Mr. President? Not even one question? Do you have somewhere more important to be right now? Is this spiel cutting into naptime?

Thank God the adults are back in charge.