The federal government has appropriated quite a lot of money to get us through the COVID pandemic, but let’s face it: they still have a long way to go.

Today, Nancy Pelosi wants to make one thing very, very clear: Congress needs more of our money in order to really and truly fight COVID in the way it needs to be fought. They need all the money they can get:

This is about defeating COVID! That’s what this is about, OK?

Also, please stop asking her questions about COVID:

It’s just “Ukraine,” Nancy. No “the.” And yes, people are dying in Ukraine and all that. But you were literally just talking about COVID. Questions about COVID seem relevant. At least to us.

They’re especially relevant since Nancy Pelosi is using COVID as an excuse to demand more money (that will almost certainly not be used for anything even remotely COVID-related). But we’re willing to cut her a little slack, because, after all, what’s happening in Ukraine is extremely important and maybe she just wants to steer the conversation toward the more pressing issues. Ukrainians’ plight obviously matters a great deal to her:

Ooo, how exciting!

Sorry, Lin-Manuel. Looks like it’s Bono’s time to shine. Via the glowing Nancy Pelosi, ideally.

Watch out, Vladimir Putin. You have no idea what you’re in for.

And even more fear into the hearts of Ukrainians.

On behalf of America, we apologize to Ukraine — and the world, really — for Nancy Pelosi. We promise we didn’t vote for her.

We’ve written a poem to express our feelings:

Blue is the violet, red is the rosey

Hell is too gentle for Nancy Pelosi.

Editor’s note: This post has been updated with an additional tweet.



Oh … oh dear.

Recommended Twitchy Video