Mouthful of Madness: Canadian Pol Rattles Off Uber-Inclusive String of Letters, Numbers, a...
Bash and Burn: CNN Celebrates D.C. Magazine’s Glowing Profile of Its Third Place...
WaPo Columnist Makes the Case Against Muslim Assimilation
Full House Actress Reveals She Was Under Anesthesia During OJ Simpson Bronco Case...
Nuns Suing New York State Over Law Requiring Them to Affirm Gender Identity
Michael Moore Still Hates the USA: Praises Iran's 'Greatest Civilization' and Calls Americ...
Iryna Zarutska‘s Murderer Found 'Incapable to Proceed' With His State Trial
Denial Ain't Just a River In Egypt: Abi Spanberger Refuses to Accept Her...
Tucker Guest Seth Harp Burns Source Like an Amateur: Names Army Leaker in...
Harmeet K. Dhillon Trolls Troll Marc Elias (and Looks Fabulous Doing It)
Newsweek: New Poll Claims Over Half of Americans Want Congress to Impeach...
You Can’t Make This Up: Iowa 'Pastor' Sprints Full Speed From 'Is God...
Sen. Schumer's 'Military Moron' Swipe at Trump Accidentally Kicks Biden (AND Chuck) Right...
Impeachment Inquiry Leader Rep. Dan Goldman Says Impeachment Doesn't Cut It Anymore
Lawrence O'Donnell Says This ONE Thing Trump Did Is Why 25A Exists (and...

CDC issues guidelines for 'safer sex' if you're infected with monkeypox

No, this isn’t The Babylon Bee.

The CDC issued new “safer sex” guidelines for those infected with monkeypox, a “rare disease caused by infection with the monkeypox virus” that causes a “rash that can look like pimples or blisters that appears on the face, inside the mouth, and on other parts of the body, like the hands, feet, chest, genitals, or anus.”

Advertisement

Our health experts at work!

Here are all of the CDC’s recommendations:

How can a person lower their risk during sex?

Talk to your partner about any recent illness and be aware of new or unexplained sores or rashes on your body or your partner’s body, including the genitals and anus. If you or your partner have recently been sick, currently feel sick, or have a new or an unexplained rash or sores, do not have sex and see a healthcare provider. This is always a good plan, even if monkeypox isn’t in your area.

If you or a partner has monkeypox, the best way to protect yourself and others is to not have sex of any kind (oral, anal, vaginal) and not kiss or touch each other’s bodies while you are sick, especially any rash or sores. Do not share things like towels, fetish gear, sex toys, and toothbrushes.

If you or your partner have (or think you might have) monkeypox and you decide to have sex, consider the following to reduce the chance of spreading the virus:

Advertisement
  • Have virtual sex with no in-person contact.

  • Masturbate together at a distance of at least 6 feet, without touching each other and without touching any rash or sores.

  • Consider having sex with your clothes on or covering areas where rash or sores are present, reducing as much skin-to-skin contact as possible.

  • Avoid kissing.

  • Remember to wash your hands, fetish gear, sex toys and any fabrics (bedding, towels, clothing) after having sex

  • Limit your number of partners to avoid opportunities for monkeypox to spread.

Hey, they’re the experts. We shouldn’t trust the science?

Well, we’re mocking the CDC because the CDC deserves to be mocked:

Advertisement

Are people this dumb?

Don’t answer that.

***

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Twitchy Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement