Young Girl in Minnesota Says They Should Not Be Illegal Because We're on...
Congresswoman Is Appalled That Trump and Vance Can't Stop With the Openly Racist...
Brian Stelter Pretty Jazzed That Canadian TV Channel Has Posted That 60 Minutes...
DOJ Sues DC Metropolitan Police Department for Infringement on Second Amendment Rights
Palmeri Claims Blowing Up Terrorist Boats Damages Trump's Legacy More Than Biden's Afghani...
Harmeet K. Dhillon Suing Minneapolis Public Schools for Anti-White Discrimination
'PEAK IRONY!' Joe Biden's Preemptively Pardoned Son Slams Connected Elites Who Avoid Conse...
There’s More to the Story of Four Masked Federal Agents Tacking a Man...
NPR's Hilarious Memo Ends Professor Carl Tobias's Reign as Rent-a-Quote King After 77...
Ezra Klein and the NYT Ask a VERY Stupid Question; Twitter Obliges Them...
'This Is Amazing': Rep. Jasmine Crockett Says the Right Fears Her Authenticity (Roll...
Leftists Lose It Over Bari Weiss's Sane Memo: 'Just Add Context and Sources'...
Mass Deportation Checks Tripled: Kristi Noem Gets Serious
Tubba Bubba Exposed: Eli Lake Demands Clinton Accountability Over Damning Epstein Photos—I...
The Spiciest, Weirdest, and Funniest Hot Takes From TPUSA’s AmericaFest 2025

CDC issues guidelines for 'safer sex' if you're infected with monkeypox

No, this isn’t The Babylon Bee.

The CDC issued new “safer sex” guidelines for those infected with monkeypox, a “rare disease caused by infection with the monkeypox virus” that causes a “rash that can look like pimples or blisters that appears on the face, inside the mouth, and on other parts of the body, like the hands, feet, chest, genitals, or anus.”

Advertisement

Our health experts at work!

Here are all of the CDC’s recommendations:

How can a person lower their risk during sex?

Talk to your partner about any recent illness and be aware of new or unexplained sores or rashes on your body or your partner’s body, including the genitals and anus. If you or your partner have recently been sick, currently feel sick, or have a new or an unexplained rash or sores, do not have sex and see a healthcare provider. This is always a good plan, even if monkeypox isn’t in your area.

If you or a partner has monkeypox, the best way to protect yourself and others is to not have sex of any kind (oral, anal, vaginal) and not kiss or touch each other’s bodies while you are sick, especially any rash or sores. Do not share things like towels, fetish gear, sex toys, and toothbrushes.

If you or your partner have (or think you might have) monkeypox and you decide to have sex, consider the following to reduce the chance of spreading the virus:

Advertisement
  • Have virtual sex with no in-person contact.

  • Masturbate together at a distance of at least 6 feet, without touching each other and without touching any rash or sores.

  • Consider having sex with your clothes on or covering areas where rash or sores are present, reducing as much skin-to-skin contact as possible.

  • Avoid kissing.

  • Remember to wash your hands, fetish gear, sex toys and any fabrics (bedding, towels, clothing) after having sex

  • Limit your number of partners to avoid opportunities for monkeypox to spread.

Hey, they’re the experts. We shouldn’t trust the science?

Well, we’re mocking the CDC because the CDC deserves to be mocked:

Advertisement

Are people this dumb?

Don’t answer that.

***

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Twitchy Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement