No, this isn’t The Babylon Bee.

The CDC issued new “safer sex” guidelines for those infected with monkeypox, a “rare disease caused by infection with the monkeypox virus” that causes a “rash that can look like pimples or blisters that appears on the face, inside the mouth, and on other parts of the body, like the hands, feet, chest, genitals, or anus.”

Our health experts at work!

Here are all of the CDC’s recommendations:

How can a person lower their risk during sex?

Talk to your partner about any recent illness and be aware of new or unexplained sores or rashes on your body or your partner’s body, including the genitals and anus. If you or your partner have recently been sick, currently feel sick, or have a new or an unexplained rash or sores, do not have sex and see a healthcare provider. This is always a good plan, even if monkeypox isn’t in your area.

If you or a partner has monkeypox, the best way to protect yourself and others is to not have sex of any kind (oral, anal, vaginal) and not kiss or touch each other’s bodies while you are sick, especially any rash or sores. Do not share things like towels, fetish gear, sex toys, and toothbrushes.

If you or your partner have (or think you might have) monkeypox and you decide to have sex, consider the following to reduce the chance of spreading the virus:

Hey, they’re the experts. We shouldn’t trust the science?

Well, we’re mocking the CDC because the CDC deserves to be mocked:

Are people this dumb?

Don’t answer that.

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