It had been so long since we'd heard from former (alleged) President Joe Biden that when rumors started circulating this week that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un had died, it reminded us that someone should probably ring up Rehoboth Beach and ask "Doctor" Jill for some kind of proof of life.
This morning, however, we received the relieving news that Biden is still with us. Or, at least the person who writes his tweets is.
Biden's next book is coming out just after the midterms, so this morning, Uncle Joey decided that today would be the best time to remind everyone who was never planning to buy it to mark their calendars not to buy it.
The narcissistic title — Promise Me, America — is perfectly on brand.
Because nothing is ever NOT about Biden, even the entire country.
My dad used to say, “Joey, when you get knocked down, get up.” I’ve leaned on those words my whole life, in politics and with my family, through the best days and the hardest ones. I write about that and more in my new book, PROMISE ME, AMERICA. It’s out November 17th, and you can preorder it now at https://t.co/IIbCbsyvlr. I’m looking forward to folks reading it.
— Joe Biden (@JoeBiden) October 23, 2026
The only curiosity around this book is whether or not Biden was awake at any point when it was being written, and how many classified documents he leaked to his ghostwriter.
But whoever wrote this tweet for the ex-vegetable-in-chief probably should have realized that this folksy schtick does not work anymore. It stopped working a long time ago, but was buried forever the moment Biden claimed that he saw two dudes kissing as a boy, and his father told him, "Love is love, Joey."
Uh-huh. Sure, he did. And Corn Pop was a bad dude.
Needless to say, the entire X platform was skeptical about who wrote the tweet, who wrote the book, and if Biden's dad ever really told him anything.
You wrote a book? pic.twitter.com/kgRF9fSUjp
— Hillbilly Brent (@HillbillyBrent) October 23, 2026
No, he really, really didn't.
Who wrote it?
— Democrats Have Lost Their Minds (@ReidTartet) October 23, 2026
We know you didn't. pic.twitter.com/NpIP8mAirN
Maybe the Easter Bunny wrote it.
I don't watch to ruin it for anyone but here's a sneak peak at the preface. pic.twitter.com/zg1yA0ggjC
— Chief Health Officer (@FlogArrestor) October 23, 2026
LOL.
Is that Biden's most recent brain scan?
One of our favorite accounts, @mazemoore, who ALWAYS brings the receipts, provided a hilarious video of everything else Biden's dad never told him.
Dad had a lot of sayings didn't he Joe. 😜 https://t.co/dCyMdnt9kq
— MAZE (@mazemoore) October 23, 2026
We're pretty sure his dad never said any of those things.
Meanwhile, there was an outstanding suggestion for what Biden's dad should have told him.
This shtick is tired. He should have said, “Joey, know when to quit.”
— Stephen_Kaus (@stephenkaus) October 23, 2026
If only he had followed that advice, America would have been spared 2021-2025.
Did he also take inappropriate showers with you? #AshleyBidensDiary https://t.co/CL1BLb7emW
— Chrissie Mayr’s Boobs (@chrissiemayrsb1) October 23, 2026
We can only hope Biden's dad was not as depraved as Biden is.
But it would explain many, many things.
Did your dad also say "Joey if you put a book out with your name on it you should actually be the author" The whole world knows you didn't write a word of this.
— 🍿DeploRebel🍿KBinSC (@KBinSC) October 23, 2026
Of course, many politicians use ghostwriters to some extent.
But we can only suspend our disbelief so far when it comes to Biden. And buying that he had anything to do with this book goes way beyond that limit.
Sir, that was Chumbawamba.
— pragmatometer (@pragmatometer) October 23, 2026
HA!
All we know is that whenever he spoke while in office, Biden sounded like he had taken a whiskey drink, a vodka drink, a lager drink, AND a cider drink.
it's really not ok they're using an AI-generated video of a dead guy to sell a book and make a few bucks
— Jake 🥥🌴 (@jakenotanalt) October 23, 2026
Just wait until Netflix releases Weekend at Joey's next year.
Joe Biden does not even remember his name, let alone what his father told him as a boy. Not buying anything that has a Biden name attached to it.
— Cat B (@CatB99261688) October 23, 2026
Sure, he remembers his name.
It's Robert L. Peters, right? ("Pedo Pete" for short, at least in Hunter's contact list.)
Joe. Enough. Millions of Americans aren’t done reading this yet. pic.twitter.com/EH5reUK7le
— joe miller (@JoeMiller4547) October 23, 2026
OOF.
If that book replaced waterboarding as a tactic used in Guantanamo Bay, we'd be all for war crimes trials in The Hague.
Not everyone was turned off, though. Some people are really looking forward to the book next month.
I can’t wait for the book! pic.twitter.com/dI7mptupIM
— KJ (@kdawgf1) October 23, 2026
Looking forward to the photo section... pic.twitter.com/PTB9oBDPUN
— Democrats Have Lost Their Minds (@ReidTartet) October 23, 2026
There should be an entire chapter on "Joe's Adventures in the Amazon Jungle."
Prologue for Bidens book -
— Concerned Patriot (@ConcernedPat76) October 23, 2026
You know, the thing is… look, the fact of the matter is, folks, when I was a kid in Scranton—or was it Delaware?—anyway, the point is, you know what I mean. C’mon man. I used to say to Corn Pop, “You’re full of malarkey,” and he said, “Joe, you’re…
... the smartest kid on the block,” and I said, “No, poor kids are just as bright as white kids,” which is true, by the way, and then the train, the Amtrak train, came and I told the conductor, “I’m gonna be president someday,” and he said, “My word as a Biden,” and I said, “That’s not hyperbole,” and then I forgot what I was saying. Anyway. This is my book.
He might forget the word "book," and just say, "Here is my ... you know ... the thing."
Your only legacy is this👇🏽💯😂🖕🏽 pic.twitter.com/sF6lmQr2wY
— Tim (@Tim650i) October 23, 2026
Still not as ugly as Obama's.
And now you say..... https://t.co/EBCOQN7l8v
— Jack Alan Purchase🏴🇬🇧 (@purchase_jack) October 23, 2026
HAAAAHAHA!
At least that cover would be more accurate.
As for us here at Twitchy, we can't wait for this book to come out in November.
It might be the most laughs we've had since the last time Kamala Harris said ... well, anything to anybody.
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