Murder hornets?
Zombie cicadas?
Hyper-sexual Zombie cicadas carrying sexually transmitted diseases? (We love that one ... just not up close.)
It's been a while, but get ready, America, for our next wave of nightmare fuel from the insect world. Or, in this case, from the arachnid world.
That's right. Giant, venomous, floating spiders from Asia are about to descend on the Northeast and New York City.
Invasive Joro spiders that can float in the air expected to land in NYC this summer https://t.co/Zbn21qvfK9 pic.twitter.com/ClNxHTWDA5
— New York Post (@nypost) June 4, 2024
Sweet dreams, New York City. You earned this.
Of course, The New York Post is going to create New York Post-style SCARY headlines, but as usual, the truth is always a little more harmless.
The Joro spider IS an invasive species from Asia, but they have been in the U.S. for more than a decade, mostly in the South, but as far north as Maryland. And while they are venomous, their bites are not particularly dangerous for people or even moderate-sized animals. They also generally don't grow as large as a human hand (though it is not unheard of).
But it is cool how they parachute using their webs.
The species is also known for its ability to travel using wind currents – though [Clemson University professor David] Coyle clarified that the parachuting is limited to a specific time in the spiders’ life cycle.
'That only happens right after the eggs hatch – that has already happened for the year, there’s no more parachuting happening,' he explained.
After the spider eggs hatch in the spring, the poppyseed-sized spiderlings can let out strands of silk, which are then picked up by the wind and allow them to float across the sky, Coyle said.
This 'ballooning' effect is 'high-risk, high-reward,' as most of the spiderlings don’t actually survive the initial trip, he added.
'Ballooning' is also not unique to the Joro spider. Many species use this technique, not to carry themselves across distances, but to start the anchor line from which they will create their webs.
But enough of how fascinating spiders are. This isn't the NatGeo channel, this is Twitchy. We're just here for the reactions on Twitter to a new species of spider invading New York.
And Twitter did not disappoint.
New Yorkers rn pic.twitter.com/dV7ldmQ2sL
— Manlet Thorin (@ManletThorin) June 4, 2024
David Arquette is having PTSD just thinking about it.
I’ve been told by media literacy twitter many times that the invasive bugs are the good guys https://t.co/x69aUExmCO
— Manlet Thorin (@ManletThorin) June 4, 2024
The term invasive is offensive.
— Shekelmancer (@shekelmanc64) June 4, 2024
We need to put these spiders up in hotels and give them free cell phones.
HA. We see what you did there.
Floating spiders? Excuse me?! https://t.co/Qh5FOvPKSo
— Nick (@NickP13) June 4, 2024
This may be a bad time to mention that Pennywise the Clown from Stephen King's It was actually a giant spider.
Who floated.
Just sayin'.
Floating spiders was not on my bingo card.
— The Dank Knight 🦇 (@capeandcowell) June 4, 2024
Women are gonna love this https://t.co/x7qLAVMLXQ
💥I bet no one, especially New Yorkers or New Jersey residents, had hand sized, poisonous, flying spiders on their Bingo cards for this summer. Whoever is playing Jumanji out there...knock it off. I need a bigger boot! https://t.co/QHAemHlNAn
— Linda Britton-Fairchild (@FairchildL3853) June 5, 2024
We're still stuck on the 'Red Fire Ants Invade the UK' square on our bingo card.
Sending this story to every woman I know. https://t.co/zzzNlNmPTs
— Toad ⭐️ (@TopToadKing) June 4, 2024
We don't like to generalize, but there does appear to be some truth to the fact that many women really don't like spiders one bit.
But cheer up, ladies. And cheer up, New York. You, of all cities, should know that not all floating spiders are bad.
— KitsieAnn (@KitsieAnn) June 4, 2024
https://t.co/chcF5lTuJc pic.twitter.com/0b6trV7kRH
— Peter Malcolm (@anyidea) June 4, 2024
Spider-Man is about to become real this summer
— OTAKU_BRO (@dat1bro95) June 4, 2024
You KNOW there's at least one New Yorker out there who is going to try to get bit by as many Joro spiders as they can, just to see if they can get superpowers.
Probably more than one.
Many on Twitter thought that it couldn't happen in a more appropriate city.
Seems like God is trying to tell NY something.......
— BigDaddy J (@jamiebruen) June 4, 2024
Couldn't happen to a better place.
— Jay Cooper (@jaycarlcooper) June 4, 2024
We get the schadenfreude when it comes to New York City. We really do.
If I walk face first into one of these , I swear! https://t.co/LrVlFyY3du
— Tom Harnisch (@TomHarnisch) June 4, 2024
We're starting to get a Frodo Baggins-Shelob vibe from this news.
One thing that is true about this otherwise clickbait story from The New York Post is that Joro spiders DO make quite large and elaborate webs. They're mostly meant for bugs though. Not humans. Or hobbits.
They also prefer the outdoors because they eat a LOT of insects, including mosquitos. All things considered, maybe New Yorkers should welcome them this summer.
If they eat stink bugs and whitetail hornets then I’m fine with it. https://t.co/m6XgIY9DpX
— WGY Mornings with Doug Goudie (@WGYMornings) June 4, 2024
See? This guy gets it.
As Monty Python told us, 'Always look on the bright side of life.'
Of course, Eric Idle never faced an invasion of giant, yellow, venomous, floating spiders.
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