The Federalist's Molly Hemingway has alerted us to an attempt at satire by the Washington Post. But first, some real satire from The Babylon Bee:
Asian Americans Celebrate Affirmative Action Ruling With 5-Minute Study Break https://t.co/A22fg8fQuZ pic.twitter.com/iFg1rwa97Y
— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) June 30, 2023
That's funny. What's not funny is the way the Washington Post's Alexandra Petri tries to excuse discrimination against Asian Americans in university admissions. They've never faced any obstacles, after all. Petri writes, in the supposed voice of Chief Justice John Roberts. Check out these stretches — the whole piece is like a yoga class:
Why do firefighters rush to some buildings and not to others? I would love to be visited by firefighters at my office, with their charming hats and suits, and their friendly spotted dogs! They claim that other buildings are “on fire” and it is an “emergency” — well, where is my equal consideration? Simply because my office building has no fire in it, am I never going to get to see that beautiful red truck? I thought this was America!
…
You know what really grinds my gears? When I hear shouts of, “Here! Catch this rope and I will pull you out of the quicksand!” that are not directed at me. Why are some people being thrown free, helpful ropes, whereas I get nothing, simply because I am not quicksand-adjacent?
…
I am sick and tired of people who have had adversity and obstacles handed out to them liberally since birth getting to be treated differently than those of us who haven’t. Do you know how hard some people have to work to encounter a single obstacle? There are some people who have not once had their abilities discounted, not once had doors shut in their faces, not once been obliged to prove their worth to someone who doubted it. Do you know how hard they had to work to find subjects for their college application essays? And yet some elite institutions had the temerity to insist that one factor among many other factors be something they could not control?
It's funny that she assumes that Asian Americans have "not once had doors shut in their faces," when universities were literally turning away applicants simply because they're Asian American. We get it: You're fine with racism against Asian Americans, who have never encountered a single obstacle if it helps African Americans. Whatever happened to all of the #StopAsianHate from 2020?
Entrance exams are an obstacle. SATs are an obstacle. Learning English is an obstacle. Some study to overcome those obstacles.
Someone should tell the Washington Post that satire is supposed to be funny. Man is that painful. pic.twitter.com/UxGrdovuIR
— Mollie (@MZHemingway) July 1, 2023
My husband says one reason liberals aren’t funny anymore is that they have to keep defending things that make no sense.
— Mollie (@MZHemingway) July 1, 2023
Satire? You sure…?
— Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Aurelius 🇺🇦 🌻🇹🇷🇵🇸 (@Marcia_3) July 1, 2023
Attempt at sarcastic humor failed
— Fertilizer and a 🚚 (@TEXIT1977) July 1, 2023
The idea past discrimination will be remedied by current discrimination is ludicrous. Discrimination is wrong. It's not a corrective measure, it's not restitution, it's simply discrimination and it's wrong.
— Don McCcudy (@EnderWiggen8609) July 1, 2023
Oh wow. That’s bad, really bad
— Tiffany (@tiffanylloree) July 1, 2023
As we just demonstrated with Soledad O'Brien, liberals are perfectly happy screwing over "white-adjacent" Asian American students, but don't call them racist. If we really want more diversity at elite universities, how about looking at the heart of the problem — public education — and finding out why African Americans aren't better prepared for college? Instead, we're ripping "whiteness" out of education by saying students shouldn't have to show their work or even turn in homework on time.
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