'Legendary troll' Godfrey Elfwick, banned from Twitter, publishes his 2019 resolutions for white cis men

It was a couple of Decembers ago, but we still remember MTV News’ absolutely shameless virtue signaling New Year’s video entitled, “2017 New Years Resolutions for White Guys.” For example, white guys were reminded that Blue Lives Matter “isn’t a thing,” so stop using it.

The backlash was so great that MTV pulled the video from Twitter and memory-holed it, rightfully so. Fortunately, someone archived it so we all can enjoy it again:

The good news is this year white cis men are again being given a list of New Year’s resolutions, but this time from “legendary troll” Godfrey Elfwick, a satirist who’s been banned from Twitter but still pops up now and again in places like The Spectator.

"The time has come for white men to repent and repay us for all the wrongs they have done. The following three resolutions I have taken the liberty of composing would be a good place to start," writes Godfrey Elfwickhttps://t.co/y4AQ6NAn0g

— Spectator USA (@SpectatorUSA) December 31, 2018

Sage advice from Godfrey, the wokest genderqueer Muslim atheist who identifies as black writer you’ll read today. It’s superb.
https://t.co/pIhyPg0KTn

— Rita Panahi (@RitaPanahi) December 31, 2018

Elfwick’s guide to sensitivity is satire, but it’s so on-the-nose that many people aren’t quite sure. In any case, it’s a must read to learn Elfwick’s three resolutions: 1) Listen to women, 2) Stop mansplaining, and 3) Remember your privilege. Here’s a taste:

Your privilege should be the first thing you’re aware of when you wake up in the morning, and the last thing you chastise yourself for as you fall asleep at night. Apologize for it at every available opportunity. For example, when ordering your skinny macchiato in a Starbucks, you could give your name to the barista as ‘A White Male Fully Aware of the Advantages he has had in Life Compared to Women and Minorities and is Deeply Ashamed of the Violence of his Ancestors’ and then offer to buy every minority in the establishment a blueberry muffin (after first checking any dietary requirements and amending the order accordingly). You won’t earn any respect for this, and nor do you deserve any, but it may go some small way to ease the social tensions that Trump and Brexit have stirred up this past few years.