Heh. That’s right, Americans. You must change your laws, and The Constitution, or else Piers “Musket” Morgan is taking his idjit ball and going home!

Definitive! If, of course, he means definitive whining, idiocy and attention-seeking.

Words, like thinking, are hard.

Some of his best friends are guns! No, really. This is what he is basing his oh-so-vast knowledge of firearms on:

Well, I do know a bit about guns, actually. My brother’s a lieutenant colonel in the British Army and has served tours of duty in Northern Ireland, the Balkans, Iraq and Afghanistan. My sister married a colonel who trained Princes William and Harry at Sandhurst. My uncle was a major in the Green Howards.

Stop, our sides can’t take it! The hilarity of the article itself is matched only by the hilarious response:

That’s right: In the alleged article, he threatens to deport himself if America doesn’t change its gun laws.

Oh, honey. It’s not a threat if people want you to leave, bless your heart.

Just precious.



Americans, being givers, offer to help speed up his stompy foot sandbox fleeing.

Sorry, United Kingdom! As Twitchy reported, they don’t want Musket Boy back, and, unlike Americans, they are hoping his threat isn’t a promise.




That sound you hear is a collective shudder from Canada. But, wait … have no fear, Canada. There is another option.

Heh. What will Musket Boy’s next move be? Stay tuned!

  • Bob Smooper

    Every single person who owns a gun (except military and police of course) is a potential murderer! It is time to begin watching for evidence of people who are THINKING about crime and arrest them for their thought-crimes and then sentence them as if they had actually carried out their thoughts.

    We need a huge database of all texts, emails, facebook posts. In the fight against pornography and indecency all photographs taken on cameras should be uploaded and reviewed by the government.

    Everyone, when signing up to their ISP, should register their passwords with the government so they can be randomly checked.

    If you have done nothing wrong what do you have to hide?

    • wwbdinct

      I mostly choose to ignore your desperate need for attention now that I know your a Brit twit like Morgan (we get dental check ups twice a year here – you guys should try it sometime) but I’m correcting your first sentence. Every single person on this planet is a potential murderer. Just sayin.

    • GaryTheBrave

      Mark, as a SUBJECT to the Queen you may be required to provide full access to your private life by the government. Here in America we are CITIZENS. The government does not have a right to our private lives.

      The question is not what do I have to hide. The real question is why do you (government) need to know? The answer is fear the government that fears you.

      What you advocate is a legal concept called Prior Restraint. It has been ruled before as an unlawful for use by law enforcement and prosecutors. Therefore other laws are created that are designed to be broken so as to prevent a more heinous crime from being committed. Why are there DUI laws? To create a lawful reason to stop a drunk driver from running over pedestrians. Without a DUI law police have no legal reason to stop a drunk driver.

      You need to be careful what you advocate, Mark. You may find yourself on the wrong side of the law someday. Personally, I’d rather let two guilty people go free rather than one innocent person be imprisoned.

    • Infinite_Indeterminism

      Sarcasm, I do presume ?

      • kch50428

        do not presume a thing. He is entirely sincere.

      • David Atherton

        NO, he’s really that stupid.

    • disappearing moderate

      I nominate you for chief of the thought police. You realize people are taking your posts seriously, don’t you?

      • Catchance

        I used to take him seriously, until he started really going over the top. He just throws in all the stuff liberals believe. Mark’s quite funny, actually.

        • kch50428

          illustrating absurdity by being absurd? No… I do t think so.

          • Bob Smooper

            That’s Limbaugh’s catchphrase and you cannot use it unless you pay him a million dollars or have a 20 year old sister he could marry.

          • kch50428

            idiocy comes naturally for you doesn’t it?

    • NRPax

      Mark, just a friendly hint: Tone it down slightly and come across as more convincing. You’re hilarious but not really living up to your potential.

      If you have done nothing wrong what do you have to hide?

      If I’ve done nothing wrong, why do you need to search me? That’s my answer to police and any random idiot that tries such a line of thought with me.

    • lainer51

      and every single woman who is pregnant is a potential murderer, thanks to Roe vs. Wade. In the fight against murdering innocent babies, we need a huge database of all addresses and phone numbers when buying an EPT at the local drugstore!

      • mickeyco

        very nice

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        That only works if the “lady” *cough* in question, doesn’t believe that a fetus is a potential human being.

    • TocksNedlog

      Dumb as a sack of muskets.

    • Lady 12

      Anyone who freaking BREATHES is a potential murderer!

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)


    • Darth_Venomous

      It is time to begin watching for evidence of people who are THINKING about crime and arrest them for their thought-crimes and then sentence them as if they had actually carried out their thoughts.

      So does that mean we’ve got you for wanting to bang Justin Bieber?

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        haha, lol.

  • Kevin Post

    So full of inaccurate information, for instance what is a Magnum 45 ? Define “assault weapon”? Gun violence in Britain has increase dramatically. Look up the definition of assault before you make more idiotic statements. And Bye you pompous arse

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      Magnum 45? Isn’t that a malt liquor?

      • libscum

        Yes,it’s delicious.

      • tredglx

        Dat be Colt 45, homie.

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        I thought Magnum was a P.I.?

  • peteee363

    not in my back yard, is how alot of people are thinking right now on both sides of the pond!

  • radjahshelduck

    You know, being a red-blooded American male, whenever I read a story on the Daily Mail’s website my eyes inevitably drift to the right at all those pictures of attractive young actresses and models in bikinis. And as brief as their outfits are, not one of those women sports a bikini with less substance than Piers Morgan.

  • GaryTheBrave

    Based on Piers’ argument, to whence, “Well, I do know a bit about guns, actually. My brother’s a lieutenant colonel in the British Army and has served tours of duty in Northern Ireland, the Balkans, Iraq and Afghanistan. My sister married a colonel who trained Princes William and Harry at Sandhurst. My uncle was a major in the Green Howards.”, since I am a descendent of King William I then I should have full and unobstructive access to Windsor Castle since I am apparently royalty.

    • $36544368

      LOL…Piers’ is apparently a royal idiot!

      • kch50428

        Morgan is an insufferable prat.

        • tredglx

          Aren’t you being a bit hard on other prats?

      • tredglx

        An idiot, for certain. Royal or not.

    • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

      And…. didn’t he leave because he ticked off many of the royals for faking photos of the troops, or something? Apparently, it seems as if he only ‘knows’ the business end of those military weapons.

  • Mr. Grammar/SpellCkr

    Send him to Colombia, or someplace with even more gun problems than here. Maybe he can fix their constitution. Har-har. He likes socialism, send him some place communist, like Cuba.

    • peteee363

      why not mexico, then he can report on those fast and furious weapons. i just hope none of the cartels put him in the scope.

      • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

        I just suggested to my husband that he be sent to the prison that Jon Hammar just got released from. He’d been there since August, with very few people knowing about it, I’d say they can effectively keep Piers there indefinitely, and not another peep.

    • Fuzzlenutter

      I believe North Korea would be the perfect place for the Brit Twit…

  • http://twitter.com/jburke_nc James Burke

    If I were a psychiatrist I would probably say that this moron”s problems started when his mummy named him Piers !!!

  • Steve_J

    If he wants to live in a country with tighter gun law he can always move back to Britan or to other countries like Japan, Australia, etc. If he wants to feel really safe he could move to North Korea, they’ve even offered to take him in.

    • ozconservative

      No!!! We don’t want him here in Australia…..send him to New Zealand!!

      • GaryTheBrave

        There are n

      • GaryTheBrave

        There are not enough sheep in NZ for Piers.

      • http://www.facebook.com/brian.mouland.908 Brian Mouland

        I am Canadian we dont want him!

  • orringtonmom (D)

    if he can find another country where he can go from reality show hack judge to news channel hack journalist, more power to him. this country has been too good to him.

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      It was also a good place to flee to so as to not be required to answer for his part in the British phone hacking scandal.

  • http://alert-up-usa.com/ AlertUpUSA

    He also wants the Bible updated to include his views… Mmmmppphhhh

    • agharred

      The Holy Bible: Pierce Morgan version… do you think it would sell?? NOT!

      • shimauma

        He might get the Queen james version

  • http://alert-up-usa.com/ AlertUpUSA

    Bye bye Musket wannabe (secretly in your whiney heart) – don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!

  • Infinite_Indeterminism

    Mr Morgan, my comment, in two words:

    Bon Voyage!

    • peteee363

      good riddance, would sum up my feelings in two words. and i do believe they express your two words, only with a more hostile sentiment.

    • mickeyco

      Thank God works for me.

  • Sheerie Knoll

    BREAKING NEWS!!!! Piers Morgan Threatens To Leave U.S.A If Guns Laws Are Not Changed. Americans gather together for a collective…..YAWN!!!!!

  • toreilly

    Perhaps the “ratings whore” would be happier in a country that leaves it’s citizens unarmed and defenseless…

    • BeautifulAmerica

      He honestly would, while retaining his own gun and gun-bearing protectors-from-reality.

  • stuckinIL4now

    Promises. Promises. I’m sure Morgan is just as serious as all the celebriturds who threaten to leave the country if someone from not-their-ignorant leftistproglibturd party gets elected to a high office in America. They all know they have a good life here–and a safer one bcuz our gun rights are protected.

  • http://www.reverbnation.com/markchristopherfrimmel/songs markchristopher

    What do you expect from a guy named after a protrusion?

  • Ronald

    It’s totally within his rights to leave if he does not like the law of the land. But that would be the easy way out. To stay and fight for what he thinks is right would be the more courageous thing to do.

    Over the centuries, it has been the people that stood and fought for their rights (sometimes with force, sometimes with non-violent protests) that have been on the right side of history. Cutting and running just makes you a chicken.

    • BeautifulAmerica

      This doesn’t apply to libtards. They”re control freaks/ power-hungry fools, not heroes.

  • http://www.facebook.com/elbrowno Rudy Ponce

    England doesn’t want him back. Canada doesn’t want him either. Maybe the French will take him.

    • BeautifulAmerica

      Too easy.

    • tredglx

      Nah, the Fwench are only there when they need us.

  • BeeKaaay

    yay! he wants to self-deport.

    But know this: he is a leftwingwacko and he lies, so he won’t leave.

    Keep those deporting petitions going :)

  • kch50428

    Morgan is an attention whore. He’ll never follow through with the ‘threat’… just like Alec Baldwin never left the country. Liberals lie like this all the time.

    • Ariadnea

      People can hurry and advance his leaving by contributing to buying a one way ticket to Venezuela or Egypt – video taped delivered to CNN (so he can’t deny it). Muslim brotherhood are following Socialist/Communist footsteps, it would be Pier’s cup of tea. By the by, we should also contribute the same on Bashir and Maddow’s leaving.

  • http://alert-up-usa.com/ AlertUpUSA

    I’m thinking Falkland Islands, Belize would be too close…. No wait….the Galápagos Islands with the rest of the lizards. Are we clear?

    • BeautifulAmerica

      Yeah, you re clear, but what would he learn from that? He needs to go to a country where only the government has guns, and therefore Power. Galapagos would just be a vaction where he could feel sorry for himself. I vote Cuba or North Korea; he can enjoy “diversity” there, too.

  • TocksNedlog

    Does he need any help packing?

  • Victor Bement

    How do you spell “douche” in British? Oh wait, I had a Piers Morgan moment…….

  • Jewish Right Winger

    According to his argument of where his ‘knowledge’ comes from…..if my brother is a doctor, my sister married a doctor who trains other doctors and my uncle was a doctor with a specialty…..that makes ME a doctor too?

    What a moron.

    • JustLikeAnimals

      No, according to Piers’ twisted logic, that would make you an expert on gun control.

  • gracepmc

    Piers has gotten way more mileage out of this than he is worth. Leave him to babble and look into the mirror alone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/anne.lynch.524 Anne Lynch

    What an unmitigated whiny inbred Asshat

  • Lamontyoubigdummy

    So…Jeff Zucker takes over CNN…hires Jake Tapper as a Brit Hume type exec editor/ top dog anchor…and this Morgan puff thinks Zucker is gonna keep him around?

    Dear Peirs,

    Door. Ass. Hit you. Way out (put those together in anyway you like).

    Now beat feet Red Coat before I have Ralphie plink you in the arse with his Red Rider.

  • Saddlebum

    So if Morgan deports himself, where does he go? There is a petition in the UK demanding that he not be allowed to come back. Pretty funny that no one wants him except CNN. He has successfully alienated himself from all but the most ignorant, degenerate and corrupt in normal society. Proof of that is that Obama likes him!

    12/30/2012, 12:00 pm Mtn. time USA
    93,349 signatures and counting

    Who else thinks that Morgan is probably beefing up his own ARMED security.

  • [email protected]

    Hey Piers, is there any way you can take Chris Matthews, David Gregory and that Soledad O’brien skank with you?

  • http://www.facebook.com/terry.fowler.739 Terry Fowler

    good bye piers! don’t let the door hit you on the way out

  • Richard Willey

    Bye, dont let the door hit you in the arse

  • $129448

    I will buy his ticket back to the UK

    • BeautifulAmerica

      Don’t waste your hard-earned money. He’s loaded, …with cash he made off the American people whom he despises.

      • JustLikeAnimals

        More like the cash he made off of faking war photos and hacking innocent people’s voice mails in the UK when he was editor at the Mirror.

  • David Atherton

    Again, I must remind this twit what happened the last time the Crown tried to impose its will on Americans. He better get his ass back across the pond before he gets a pitchfork in it! Oh, no, now they’ll want to ban pitchforks, too.

  • copper

    I equate Piers with Mexican illegals in this country. WHy no go back and make your country better? England passed a gun ban a decade ago and it has been a horrific flop! Crime, including murder, is up overall by almost 60%. Historically, English police have not carried sidearms but now, some, for the first time, do. Their robber rate is higher than the US. England presently is trying to figure out which knives, including kitchen knives, aren’t absolutely necessary and will then try to ban them because the knife is now the choice of weapon. People are marching in the streets in protest and want the guns back. Have Piers go home and straighten out that mess with all his hoity toity rhetoric and bullshit.

  • dvoegeleii

    Piers’ please, don’t go away mad, just go away. We know that your country doesn’t want you but I think that the poor folks in Siberia could use a little hot air.

    • BeautifulAmerica


  • http://www.facebook.com/mcmeador Michael Meador

    Note he says that he “may” deport himself. Just one of those empty threats. It’s such a broad threat, though, that he knows he’d never have to make good on it. Gun laws will undoubtedly be changed to some degree with the weasels we have in Congress.

  • Ariadnea

    Don’t even make that suggestion of sending him our way in Canada; if that should happen, there will be war between friends.

    Let me repeat, WE in Canada do not want this pontificating Obama butt kisser and snotty-snobbish censorious arrogant socialist coming our way. Throw him towards Venezuela, Chavez illness is terminal and they are looking for a like minded replacement.

    If he’s going, can he just leave immediately without threatening? He’s not wanted, go already!

    • Lady 12

      Wow, tell us what you really think!

  • http://www.vatican.va/ Rulz

    Go back, Piers! And please take the left with you!

  • TWG2A

    That ignorant, imperialistic, smug-faced PIG is not welcome here. He needs to just leave and never return.

  • Cruz2016!!!

    Are all Brits snot nosed, uppity, whiney, liberals like Morgan? He certainly gives Brits a bad name…

    • JustLikeAnimals

      Having spent a good deal of time in the UK I would say, “Yes.” Pretty much all of them.

  • Randy C. Lindsey

    Well, PM, you blooming idiot. There is an old American saying that seems quite appropriate in this instance. It goes as follows: Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

  • Michelle

    Just when you think this man’s stupidity can’t get any more stupid. He knows a bit about guns because he has family members who handle guns? The logic behind that statement is so incomprehensible. My Mother has been delivering babies for 40+ yrs, but that doesn’t mean I know how to deliver a baby. My brother is an architect, but that doesn’t mean I know a damn thing about designing a structure. My father (now retired) spent his entire life building homes. That doesn’t mean I know how to do it, too. Piers Morgan’s thinking is beyond asinine.

  • $1014973

    Can we get him to take One Direction with him?

  • RightThinking1

    Rats. I was hoping he would threaten to hold his breath until we do what he wants…

  • BeeKaaay

    Aww. Poor leftwingwacko. Someone change his diaper.

  • shimauma

    piers morgan got fired for fake photos in 2004 http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/politics/3716151.stm

    • JustLikeAnimals

      More recently he was also involved in the illegal hacking of cellphone voice mails in the UK, which is still under investigation. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/22/piers-morgan-phone-hacking-claims_n_2003729.html

      This guy is the worst sort of scum. CNN is scrapping the bottom of the barrel to have hired this felon and put him on air. Guess he fits in well with all the other anti-American Marxist-socialists Obamabots employed there. Don’t know how he got that job, but someone in the executive office suite must have had a cirgarette and big smile on their face when that interview was over.

  • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

    I just told him via Twitter that he’s a complete PoS for lying to EVERYONE that reads that article. I mean, as if he’s going to deport himself….

  • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

    Can’t I just reply to all those tweets on the side from non-citizens that support this douchebag with #DUMBASS? Purty-puhlease?

  • Jack Deth

    If Piers Morgan crashes and burns on-air, due to lousy ratings, will anyone notice?

    • JustLikeAnimals

      Only the 2 people watching.

  • EOD

    I feel totally left out in the cold.

    My Tweet to @piersmorgan @MailOnline was right there at the beginning.

    Good riddance to bad rubbish. And, the 2nd Amendment is only 27 words long, yet Law of the Land.


  • http://www.facebook.com/brian.mouland.908 Brian Mouland

    The sooner the better

  • WisconsinPatriot

    Canada then,EH? How bout them Canucks……

    • http://www.facebook.com/brian.mouland.908 Brian Mouland

      Naw I am from Canada too many Liberal Loons here already

  • vladd3_jtube

    Ok,… so The UK doesn’t want piers morgan back, nor does Canada, Australia, Mexico, New Zealand, Egypt, Siberia, or Antarctica.. GREAT!! so now does that mean we are stuck with that MORON here in the states????? UGH!!

    • JustLikeAnimals

      Send him to Guam.

    • proudhispanicconservative

      He would be perfect for China.

  • http://twitter.com/onewhocansee Jon

    Please sign my petition to re-affirm the content of the Second Amendment http://wh.gov/UxJB

  • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

    I’ll keep on him about it. Every day, I’ll send him a tweet as to the status of the Second Amendment, and then ask if he’s left yet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pjcitro Paul J. Citro

    BYE BYE sh_t for brains!!!

  • Allan Hamilton

    Hey, if a shot, well placed near his ear, would make his decision any easier, I’ll volunteer

  • Rick Bowser

    Really Piers?.. you promise?! Could you take Michael Moore, Matt Damon and George Clooney with you?!

    • Lady 12

      Heck, could he take Obama, Biden, and Hillary with him? Pelosi too!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lawrence.malcolm1 Lawrence Malcolm

    Hey Morgan…Need a ride to the airport? Help packing? Moron….

  • proudhispanicconservative

    Piers Morgan whining about guns= Stupid, Piers Morgan deporting himself =”priceless”.

  • Saddlebum

    Well, if Morgan does deport himself he will have the hardy encouragement of well over a hundred thousand petition signers, (and counting), as of January 1st.