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Deets on Disney's woke-ified live-action Snow White remake have us reaching for a poisoned apple

What is the one thing in this world that the people are clamoring for? The one thing that they can't live without, no matter how hard they try? The one thing that they need in order to make their lives complete?


Duh! It's more joyless live-action Disney remakes of classic Disney films!

So you're gonna love this bit of news:

More from The Daily Mail:

Disney announced that 'magical creatures' would replace the seven dwarves to 'avoid reinforcing stereotypes' after Game of Thrones actor Peter Dinklage criticised the "f****** backwards story" last year.

"I was a little taken aback when they [Disney] were very proud to cast a Latina actress as Snow White, but you're still telling the story of Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs," he told Mark Maron's WTF podcast. "It makes no sense to me. You're progressive in one way and you're still making that f***ing backwards story about seven dwarfs living in a cave together, what the f*** are you doing, man? Have I done nothing to advance the cause from my soapbox? I guess I'm not loud enough."


Co-written by Barbie's Greta Gerwig, the upcoming adaptation will not feature a Prince Charming and will instead focus on a 'stronger' Snow White who dreams of becoming a leader.

No prince? Then who the hell is supposed to wake her up after she eats the poisoned apple? One of the "magical creatures"? Is there a Princess Charming instead? Does the apple just knock her out for a while? Is there a poisoned apple at all? What even is this?

And what's with the "magical creatures"? The Seven Dwarfs weren't magical. They were just seven short guys who worked really hard and loved Snow White. This is so embarrassing. Not for us, but for the people who agreed to be cast in this things. And for Disney, of course. That goes without saying.


What are these outfits, guys? Looks like Snow White's mom bought that costume from Dollar General at 3:30 p.m. on October 31.

Actually, quite a few people seem to suspect that Disney was going for an "unemployed trust-fund Portland hipster" aesthetic. And you know what? We think there's definitely something to that theory.


Pretty soon, Disney execs are gonna be shopping at Goodwill.

Like, it may not be very woke to point this out, but Snow White, was, in fact, white. Extremely white, you might even say. She was described as having "skin as white as snow." That's about as white as white gets. And the Seven Dwarfs, were, well, dwarves. Only one of the dwarves in the live-action remake is, in fact, an actual dwarf. The rest are just normal-sized people dressed up in costumes that quite frankly just don't work on real people who are not cartoons or maybe even on cartoons.

All due respect to Peter Dinklage — he seems like a generally fun guy and a generally good actor — but he could've just stayed out of the movie (which never should have been greenlit) if he was so offended that dwarves were being portrayed on screen, even though dwarves are diverse people who exist and there are enough casting agents working today who could find seven dwarves who would be happy to have the chance to portray dwarves as diverse people who exist. What Dinklage has to show now for his rant is being the lone dwarf in a group of seven people. Six dwarves were just erased from a story. So congrats, Peter. 


With this really weird casting, Disney is basically telling their prospective audience that there's something wrong with being being a dwarf, and with being white. If that's the message they're going for, then great. More power too them. They'd just better be prepared for people to not be very receptive.

They live it for now. But for how long can you make a living on wokeness and ruining beloved children's stories? Something's gotta give one of these days.

Maybe that's what they're going for? Then they won't have to worry about fighting Ron DeSantis, because they'll no longer exist. Everybody wins!

Tuppence a share? Do we hear tuppence a share? Tuppence, tuppence, tuppence a share? 


The bottom of the barrel's getting closer and closer every day.


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