Way back when a fourth "Indiana Jones" movie was announced, fans were cautiously optimistic. Or at least not completely consumed by an overwhelming sense of dread. And we all know how "Crystal Skull" turned out. Even if you didn't see it, you know how it turned out.
So when they announced that they were doing a fifth movie in the series, you had to look very deep under a very small number of well hidden rocks in order to find someone who was excited about "Dial of Destiny" (oy, that name!). Basically, there was no way this thing was gonna be good. Even the most diehard Indy fans were predisposed to hate this thing. Indy is old, CGI de-aging is creepy, and the plot ... well, it's not exactly brimming with promise.
Anyway, the movie hasn't come out yet, but we fully expect that in the coming days will be treated to plenty of scathing reviews. And many of those scathing reviews will have legit bones to pick. A lot of bones, if the trailer and ads are any indication. But for what it's worth, there'll be at least one review out there that squandered the opportunity to be a quality panning in favor of making the reviewer look like a total dweeb.
RottenTomatoes.com just so happened to single out this part of author and film critic Noah Berlatsky's review for extra emphasis:
Had to check to see if this was real; of course it was. pic.twitter.com/ng9AYJSDGn
— Sonny Bunch (@SonnyBunch) June 26, 2023
Wow. Amazing.
No, we mean that sincerely. It's amazing. "'Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny' sucks at least in part because the movie doesn't talk enough about why Nazis are bad" is a take that is just absolutely brilliant in its stupidity.
Recommended
If only they had some sort of instantly recognizable symbol.
— Geoff Walker (@gewa76) June 26, 2023
I have a pretty solid way to recognize the Nazis. pic.twitter.com/ZJLcam1wFD
— Sonny Bunch (@SonnyBunch) June 26, 2023
Took a lot of history classes growing up. Never heard much about them. https://t.co/5LLReaYhLO
— John 'pro-norms' Ekdahl (@JohnEkdahl) June 26, 2023
We're all for not forgetting history lest we be doomed to repeat it, but, like, is that really Berlatsky's big issue with the movie? That freakin' "Indiana Jones" doesn't delve deeply enough into the Holocaust?
Yes. Yes it is:
“But “Dial” spares little thought for the horrors of Nazism or the Holocaust. Director James Mangold is much more focused on fun chase scenes and on the mechanics of riding a horse into the subway than he is on fighting fascism.”
— Aelfred The Great (@aelfred_D) June 27, 2023
Hahahahahahahahaha https://t.co/UGgQFjmqWk
We're not trying to be rude or anything, but how can we not laugh at that excerpt?
Indiana Jones and the Horror of the Shoah
— Aelfred The Great (@aelfred_D) June 27, 2023
And how can we not laugh at that? Is that what Noah Berlatsky was hoping for when he signed up to watch the movie?
In fairness, he’s probably remembering the 27-minute scene in Temple of Doom where Dr. Jones explains why child slavery and human sacrifice are bad actually.
— Daniel Frank (@cptjtspaulding) June 26, 2023
Snort.
Here's the thing: in the "Indiana Jones" universe, Indy has been fighting Nazis for decades. He represents good, and they represent evil. Kind of a classic theme of the action-adventure genre. It should be pretty clear to viewers at this point that the Nazis are bad guys and that Hitler was a bad guy without having to send Indy and Co. on a tour of European concentration camps. There are movies that delve deeply into Nazi leadership and Nazi ideology and Naziism in general and the Holocaust. "Indiana Jones" was never intended to be one of those movies. Even if the fourth and fifth movies (and, let's be honest, the second) suck, they're still supposed to be fun.
Good God...
— Jon Awesome-Best Life (@RealStarMan) June 27, 2023
— Jonathan Salama 🇺🇦 🇺🇸 🇮🇱 🇻🇪 (@JSalama5) June 27, 2023
Sorry, guys, but we just can't get over what a weird beef this is.
Hahhahahahhahahhahahahhahahah
— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) June 27, 2023
Maybe Noah Berlatsky could start working on a remake of "Dial of Destiny." We know it seems pretty early for a remake already, but we're genuinely curious about how Berlatsky's version would look.
Indiana Jones should debate the Nazis
— Christopher Ingraham🦗 (@_cingraham) June 26, 2023
There you go!
Maybe there should be a panel instead of a movie...
— Kurt Loder (@kurt_loder) June 26, 2023
Hey, even better!
Should do a double feature with Schindler's List
— tennis erotic thriller stan (@Subbeaconfan) June 26, 2023
Aww, yeah! Now we're talkin'!
*walks out of Indiana Jones*
— Ben Dreyfuss (@bendreyfuss) June 27, 2023
*a little unsure how I feel about it*
“Did you like it,” I ask my large son.
*he’s goose stepping down the street, carving swastikas into walls*
“Dammit, Indiana. Dammit.” https://t.co/FWb6KQoonf
Never change, Noah Berlatsky. We truly mean that.
Noah Berlatsky is the only thing on earth keeping David Leavitt from being the absolutely worst person on Twitter.
— Rhode Islander (@rhodeislander) June 27, 2023
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