Brian Krassenstein Calls Fraud 'Racist' Because Thinking Past Talking Points Is Hard
Tim Walz's Worst Nightmare: A Round-Up of the Funniest Somali Fraud Memes Taking...
Tampon Tim's Go-To Move: Blame Trump for Billion-Dollar Minnesota Fraud Mess
CBS News Gives Its Analysis of Nick Shirley’s Viral Video, Finds No Recorded...
Marco Rubio Orders US Embassies to Analyze Government Policies That Facilitate Mass Migrat...
Catherine Herridge: Kash Patel Says Fraud Probes Were Buried Under Biden
From Bad to Worse: Mocked Politico Reporter Doubles Down, Insists Warning of Shootings...
Commies of a Feather: AOC Kicks Off Comrade Mamdani's Red Revolution Bash in...
HHS Has 'Turned Off the Money Spigot' to Minnesota, Freezing All Child Care...
Texas Man Busted for Handing Bomb-Making Material to Undercover Agent Posing as ISIS
Busted! Years-Old Typo on 'Quality Learing Center' Sign Fixed Overnight After National Out...
Legacy Media's Priorities: Smear Nick Shirley's Partner David, Ignore Billions in Alleged...
You're NOT Edward R. Murrow, Actor: French George Clooney Is VERY Concerned About...
Billions in Fraud Exposed – Time to Tax or Ban Immigrant Remittances
Amazon’s Drone Nightmare Hits Dallas – Constant Buzz, Zero Privacy, and Incoming Lawsuits

Proud gold-digger's essay about her fabulous life weirdly doesn't mention what she likes to do with severed pigs' heads

Insider recently published a delightful as-told-to essay by a woman named Amber Lucas, who, after a great deal of research and dedication, has discovered a great way to see the world and learn a lot about herself in the process:

Advertisement

Apparently Amber had to kiss quite a few frogs before she finally started catching princes:

And from that moment, her life would never be the same.

Advertisement

Fortunately, Amber was able to rebound. Several times.

Advertisement

It’s nice that Amber found her niche in society as an unapologetic gold-digger who’s willing to potentially risk becoming a sex slave or murder victim if she can get a Birkin out of the deal. Not everyone is able to figure out their life’s real purpose while they’re still relatively young, let alone at any age.

Anyway, “unapologetic gold-digger” is actually a step up from how Amber usually spent her time, which was as a violent and unhinged left-wing rioter:

Oh hai, Amber. We almost didn’t recognize you.

Did one of Amber’s wealthy sugar daddies bail her out?

Advertisement

So weird that she left that out of her essay. It’s way more interesting than the jet-setting-Pretty-Woman stuff. Any lady can be a gold-digger, but it takes a very special kind of gal to get creative with a severed head.

Heh.

Anyway, we’ll wrap this up with a piece of advice for all the wealthy guys out there who match with Amber Lucas on dating apps:

***

Help us keep owning the libs! Join Twitchy VIP and use promo code AMERICAFIRST to receive a 25% discount off your membership!

Join the conversation as a VIP Member

Recommended

Trending on Twitchy Videos

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement