This past Presidents Day, Nation justice correspondent Elie Mystal celebrated in the only way he knows how:

He’s so stunning! So brave! So subversive!

And so incredibly committed to the bit.

Here he is this morning talking about what a utopia America would be if we could just get rid of that damn Constitution and replace it with something written by all Americans so we’d finally achieve true inclusivity:

Mystal didn’t explicitly say it, but we have to assume that white men and white women’s perspectives would not factor into his new Constitution.

Actually, we probably don’t have to assume it. It seems pretty obvious:

The white-wing media has been triggered! The white-wing media has been triggered!

And if Elie were totally plastered and on an acid trip, he could write one in, like, two seconds!

Elie doesn’t think there should have to be amendments. His constitution would be perfect as-is. Just like him.

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