Meet the delightful lefty whose 'Thanksgiving Rules' are sure to make her super-popular this year

We’re not generally inclined to dedicating entire posts to stupidity from some random person, but Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and we’re feeling generous. And speaking of Thanksgiving, the particular rando we’re going to focus on today, Heather Ward, has got some rules. And if you want to talk to her this Thursday, you’re gonna have to follow them:

Thanksgiving Rules:

Before you talk to me about impeachment you must tell me what you did to get Democrats elected in 2018.

Before you talk to me about the primary you must commit to multiple voter contact shifts in 2020.

— Heather Ward (@h_c_ward) November 24, 2019

Only two rules. That’s not so bad!

Thanksgiving Rules:

Give thanks for being in such a wonderful country with dear family and friends around the table.

You can't make too much gravy. https://t.co/sKbjLPd6Tm

— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahDispatch) November 25, 2019

Mine is "be excellent to each other." https://t.co/XzjU07zohP

— Amelia (@AmeliaHammy) November 25, 2019

Thanksgiving Rules:

We hunt the servants in the garden maze *before* the main course.

You are not allowed to have any dessert until you have successfully swallowed a penny, three nickels, two quarters, and five dimes, in that order. https://t.co/0fOjQSJh7Q

— ?'? ? ??????? ???? (@BecketAdams) November 25, 2019

Ha!

But seriously, it’s really difficult to understand why so many lefties have this reputation as party poopers. They seem like they’re actually a really fun bunch, because only fun people make political discussions a condition of spending time with them on what’s supposed to be a holiday to celebrate family and friends.

You seem fun.

— Allan Quatermain (@AllanQuatermai9) November 25, 2019

So much fun.

How about no f&^$ing politics? How about you just enjoying Thanksgiving with friends and family, eating too much food, and being grateful? https://t.co/fil098uaSb

— Carlton Hinds (@methuselaschild) November 25, 2019

Thanksgiving rules at my house:

If you empty a bottle of wine, open a new one.

If you bring up politics, you get booted to the kids’ table.https://t.co/rYqAqKQC1C

— Rachael Larimore (@RachaelBL) November 25, 2019

Thanksgiving rules:

How about whoever you invite put politics aside for the day and just talk about your loved ones and the joy it is to be with them.

Anyone who talks politics gets to eat outside. And they don't get pie.

— Politically Agnostic Boomer Human Scum (@joeleyare) November 25, 2019

Thanksgiving Rules:

Before you talk to me about impeachment, please tell me why you hate me enough to subject me to such a harangue on a holiday.

Before you talk to me about the primary, be aware I've probably stopped listening to you at that point.https://t.co/aQcSX4IldI

— Peter Cook (@_Peter_Cook) November 25, 2019