OMG THIS IS REAL?! DC Police Department's perp description gets VERY oddly specific and people have HILARIOUS thoughts

Who knew someone getting stabbed would notice this about the perp? ROFL

We can see it now, ‘Why hello office, yes, yes I was just stabbed. And boy howdy, I have to tell you, the person who stabbed me had the PRETTIEST EYES I have ever seen. Oh yes, I am slowly bleeding out, and ouch it hurts SO MUCH but I’m telling you, THOSE EYES …’

Can’t believe this is real and yet here we are:

STABBING/1600 block OF MARYLAND AVE NE/LOF A B/M LIGHT CPLX, NO SHIRT, TATTOOS ON THE BODY, PRETTY EYES; B/F 5'4, BLACK CLOTHING/5269

— DC Police Department (@DCPoliceDept) September 16, 2021

What gave the perp away?

THOSE EYES.

https://twitter.com/jordylancaster/status/1438562591723380738?s=20

*snorts*

APB: SUSPECT SLEEK, GAZELLE-LIKE, w/ a certain SAVOIR FAIRE; EASY ON EYES; considered ARMED and EXTREMELY DELOISHUS

— 🥓,🥚 & 🧀 on 🥯 (@YoBrohan) September 16, 2021

ROFL ROFL ROFL!!!

Sleek, gazelle-like with a certain SAVOIR FAIRE.

Armed and extremely delicious.

Wow, that’s awesome.

Got him. pic.twitter.com/aGQVaSbNbw

— The American Guy 🇺🇸 (@YankReb69) September 16, 2021

Dude stabs somebody and flashes a deep auburn stare.

DCPD:"I can fix him"

— Jake (unaffiliated with State Farm) (@JDSommey) September 16, 2021

I CAN FIX HIM.

Is this for real. How is this for real.

— Brandi Buchman (@Brandi_Buchman) September 16, 2021

Armed and dreamy?

K.

ok, pretty eyes 👀, lol look for the pretty eyed dude 🤣🤣🤣

— LeVar C T (@levarct) September 16, 2021

Guy running down the street with his eyes closed. Ohh well that’s not him. Carry on.

— Jasmine Wilson (@Jasmine94878907) September 16, 2021

Or wearing sunglasses? FOILED AGAIN!

Recommended

Maybe the Supreme Court Should ‘Take a Walk:’ A Deep Dive Into Thursday’s Oral Arguments

Aaron Walker

Advertisement

Wtf kinda description is "pretty eyes?"

— Bae-Lee-Un (@The_HeavenlyWay) September 16, 2021

Tag his insta if you find him please

— Jake Villarreal 🏳️‍🌈 (@JakeLovesSTL) September 16, 2021

What’s next, “SKIPS LEG DAY”? “HAS A KIND FACE”?

— DashboardProfessional (@emointheoffice) September 16, 2021

Smells of lavender and has soft hands.

"Great biceps, nice fit, dripping in swag, oozes charisma…"

— 👻 UMDET3 👻 (@umdet3) September 16, 2021

Ok, we’ve gotta stop.

Too damn funny.

***

Related:

TIME-less. ROFL! Mario Lopez shares the most hilariously PERFECT meme of Harry and Meghan Markle and we KINDA SORTA adore him for it

WOW: Glenn Greenwald shares VILE tweet from blue-check attacking Nicki Minaj to show how awful Dems treat other Dems who fall ‘out of line’

‘So OVER this pandemic. So OVER this administration’: BOMB-DIGGITY of a thread about COVID and our suck govt. the BEST thing you’ll read today