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Want to Know How Gavin Newsom Sold So Many Books? (Hint: It Wasn't Because Anyone Wanted to Read It)

Grateful Calvin
Grateful Calvin  |  11:10 AM on April 17, 2026


Raise your hand if you knew that failed California Governor Gavin Newsom had written a book this year. 

Yeah, we didn't either. 

Apparently, that's a thing that happened, though. The memoir has, of course, the cringiest title you could imagine: 'Young Man In a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery.'

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LOL. We promise that we are not making that up. 

We can only imagine the tales contained within the tome about Newsom growing up on the streets, eating mac and cheese, playing basketball in the hood, and killing his mother. Even though none of those things happened in his life (except, ahem, the last one). 

Apparently, however, the book was a hit. Nearly 100,000 copies of the fictional memoir have been sold since it was published in February, hitting number one on many bestseller lists.

Impressive. Or at least it would be if those were actual, genuine book sales. The truth is a little less awe-inspiring. 

LOL. 

So, Gavin bought most of the books himself? Well, he is a raging narcissist, so that tracks. 

Technically, the books did go to people ... as long as they made a hefty donation to Newsom's PAC. Even The New York Post had to mock the governor: 

Gov. Gavin Newsom found a novel way to boost both his political war chest and his memoir sales, by tying the two together.

The pitch worked: roughly 67,000 people chipped in, according for about two-thirds of the memoir’s total print sales, the New York Times reported. New federal filings released Wednesday show Newsom’s PAC, Campaign for Democracy, shelled out $1,561,875 to purchase and distribute those books through the promotion.

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Notably, other politicians have tried this tactic, most recently Kamala Harris, who also tried to promote her book by having her PAC buy them. As a reminder, Harris blew through more than $1 billion in her presidential campaign ... and still ended up in debt. 

Famed Communist ... err, we mean 'democratic socialist' ... Bernie Sanders has also spent a healthy chunk of change to buy his own books. 

Wait a second. Why isn't he giving his books away for free? 

If you looked up 'narcissistic grift' in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Newsom with his greased-back hair and used-car salesman grin. 

We have to wonder how many of the donors even read a single page of the book or if they just found themselves with an expensive doorstop. 

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In reality, only about a third of that number bought the book because they wanted to buy the book. 

We're shaking our heads at that, too. But there are a lot of stupid people in the world. 

If anyone would know how much of a scam artist Newsom is, it's Nick Shirley. 

Ahh, but when Newsom launders money, he does it the 'French' way. 

[Editor's Note: Calvin has been taken out back and punished severely for this horrible pun.]

Wow. When put into context like that, Newsom's PAC spending $1.5 million to make it seem like people wanted to read his memoir is just chump change.

Whatever you do, DO NOT ACCEPT THAT CALL! 

Sleazy snake. 

Yep. That pretty much covers it. 

But we'll remember this the next time Newsom or his awful social media manager, Izzy Gardon, tries to make fun of JD Vance, whose own memoir, Hillbilly Elegy, sold more than two million copies before most of the country even knew who Vance was. 

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