Wait, what? Serious You Guys?
Oh, the delusional Amanda Marcotte is at it again. Ace of Spades explains:
You may think I'm exaggerating; I'm not. @amandamarcotte's constant refrain is that men are anti-choice because…
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
…all we want to do is "Control Women's Sexuality," deny them consequence-free sex, and force them to have our babies, which obsess us.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
She literally posits are world in which men are Baby-Crazy and women are all like, "Nah, can't we just do oral?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
.@amandamarcotte, discussing someone *not* named "Amanda Marcotte:" "The note of persecution is painful." Inded. http://t.co/btlIjolZVi
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
Warning: Marcotte’s writing is not safe for sanity. The real war on women? It’s perpetrated by “feminists” like Ms. Marcotte. But, no worries! Ace of Spades is here to graciously teach her something about the facts of life.
btw, by tweeting that I have shown my desire to "control her sexuality" or something
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
They cancelled Firefly just so men could force women into being unwilling broodmares for their evilseed.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
All men see when they direct the Male Gaze at a woman is a playpen and colorful mobile. Because that's all we want from women: Toddlers.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
These damn men with their never-ending obsession with consequence-full sex, childbirth, motherhood, and what color wallpaper for the nursery
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
everyone knows that what a man wants from a relationship is marriage and babies, right? I mean, obviously. We're notorious for that.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
So to get that, we have to "Control the Sexuality" of women who don't want anything but a quick bout of gratification and maybe some bisque
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
it's the most bizarre ideologically-based inversion of reality I've ever seen. I'm not saying men don't wnat children…
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
..but what kind of strange world does she live in where she thinks men's primary goal in sex is child-rearing?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
Life is hard!
Ace and his fellow hilarious happy warriors continued to teach Ms. Marcotte some valuable lessons. They also delved into her delusional mind and plucked out some pick-up lines. Get ready to weep with laughter:
"Look at that rack… I'd like to see THAT eight months pregnant!" WTF?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
"Nice ass…I'd like to set her career back by three years, if you know what I'm sayin'"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
For men, Third Base = Picking out a name
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
"Nice legs… I'd like to see THOSE behind a stroller, if you know what I'm talkin' about and I think you do"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ Sometimes when I'm lonely, I furiously buy diapers at Target. Then I take a nap.
— Dr. Conservative Thought Leader™️ (@BigJebBos) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ What're you wearing under that? I hope it's maternity friendly.
— Tadas Karpis (@tkarpis) August 4, 2013
When we have breakfast in the morning, do you want me to call you on the phone, or just meet at my OB/GYN's?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/EvanDMyers/status/364167978998173696
@EvanDMyers oldest story in a world, dudes just want that Baby and girls are all like, hit it and quit it
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ "You know what would go good with those shoes, girl? A mid-wife."
— Gregimus (@murgatr0id) August 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/BenK84/status/364168252491972608
Hey @AceofSpadesHQ, I looked at @AmandaMarcotte's TL and there's lots of talk about "Dr. Who." Why is she buying his patriarchal paradigm?
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) August 4, 2013
@KurtSchlichter @AmandaMarcotte probably just an escape from all the guys who want her to give them Blue-Eyed Racist Sons
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
.@AceofSpadesHQ -In the baby food section of Walmart right now…. Gettin' my fix.
— American Insurgent (@Who_Me_Two) August 4, 2013
I know some of you think I'm joking, but I'm not. This is the claim she makes, more or less literally, every day.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
Women just want to skip and frolic and have some good hit it/quit it sex, and men are essentially chaining them down saying "GIVE ME SONS!!"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ "… and I was all like, 'You're just pleasuring me to avoid discussing the whole purpose of sex: Procreation."
— ryuge (@0ryuge) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I know when I'm having sex with a woman, I'm totally thinking about how awesome it's going to be to pay child support.
— Inconspicuous Rex (@CrankyTRex) August 4, 2013
.@AceofSpadesHQ "Hey, baby, what's your name? You can call me 'bassinet', because I can totally see myself in your delivery room."
— Tim Shutters (@TimShutters) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ Who didn’t have a bunch of 1970s “Parenting” back issues stashed away as a teenager?
— Bill Kunz ⚾ (@billkunz) August 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/Amyatbeach/status/364169290536075264
https://twitter.com/TheAmishDude/status/364169489090215937
After a date, my buds are like "So did you get (puts one finger through hole made of other forefinger and thumb) Engaged?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
sorry that was a good joke I thought but it took a bunch of tries. Sort of like impregnating women when I get Baby Fever which is always.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
You know why men like boobs? They remind us of baby rattles.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
Yeah, that’s the ticket! In insane Marcotte-ville. Bazongas? More like babies-on-yas.
https://twitter.com/cactusncarolina/status/364171157538627584
men have a saying: "Crazy with the bras, crazy at LeMaas"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
Every dude's reaction on finding out his girlfriend flunked her pregnnacy test: "Damn! Soclose!"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
saw the hottest girl the other day. I turned to my friend and said, "She looks like she knows how to, uh, Rock a Cradle, know what I mean?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I liked to slip fertility pills into my GF's coke when she wasn't looking.
— CoolCzech (@CoolCzech1) August 4, 2013
soooooo many "Dudeflick" movies are about maternity & weddings
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
The other thing men love about pregnancy is the big drop in sex after childbirth. We're all like, "Whoa, FINALLY, that's out of the way!"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/1JezusFreak/status/364173397082652673
https://twitter.com/TheAmishDude/status/364173677710950401
@AceofSpadesHQ oh boy, yeah, more time for knitting
— Matt Dawson (@SaintRPh) August 4, 2013
https://twitter.com/Drake_Stones/status/364173891247149056
@AceofSpadesHQ To try to break the cycle TV edits all those Maury shows but the guy is actually celebrating when he is the father.
— Does not matter (@Furbysbadday) August 5, 2013
the most erotic films ever made were Look Who's Talking and Look Who's Talking Too.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ let's not forget 3 Men and a Baby. Classic erotica.
— ML (@just_mindy) August 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/ChuckieMom1/status/364174922970435585
@ChuckieMom1 yup, all we can think is "Those sure look nutritious for the next generation"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/TStivali/status/364175173794009088
When men see a nice pair they all think the same thing: "That's going to help Us economize on formula for Child"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I can't tell you how often I find my hubby late at night watching our videos of me giving birth #pregnancyporn
— Jenn (@jenndeedee) August 5, 2013
Hugh Hefner originally produce Playboy as a babies-and-wedding-gowns magazine but it was banned in 30 states as obscene, so changed format
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
The original Playboy symbol was a Stork
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ DTF really stands for Diapers, Teething, Formula.
— T-Sluf @ Gillapagon Island ? (@tsluf273) August 5, 2013
Men have a saying about sex: "Five minutes of regret, but then a lifetime of Joy"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ Getting up at 4 AM to give a baby it's bottle and change a shitty diaper is all I think about.
— . (@RonD1954) August 5, 2013
I hate these NBA players going from town to town deliberately lying to women about their own fertility to "Seal the Deal"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
https://twitter.com/MoonbatCatnip/status/364177314436759552
riff-closer RT @MoonbatCatnip 1m @AceofSpadesHQ Why buy the milk when you can get a whole cow?
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
That was a win, but luckily that wasn’t the end of the riff.
You look good tonight honey.
You know what would make you look even better?
Stretch pants.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
men are so superficial. We see a girl and our only thought, our ONLY thought, is "Would she make a good caregiver?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
Look at the mouth and lips on that one. I bet she's good at teaching Phonix.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
Once I dated a girl whose dad owned a Bed, Bath, & Beyond and I was like "Am I dreaming?"
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
same argument in every house: Wife wants a Porsche, husband wants a roomy Volvo station wagon to ferry around the soccer team
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
@AceofSpadesHQ I can't wait for the yearly Sports Illustrated Maternity issue.
— . (@RonD1954) August 5, 2013
One time I had sex with a girl who was On The Pill, but I didn't like it.
I could barely feel anything, emotionally.
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
men only attempt late-night booty calls because we know women hit peak fertility at 2 am
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
I'm sick of rappers bragging about how many bassinets they own
— Ursus, Director of Weather and Banana Programming (@AceofSpadesHQ) August 5, 2013
Sides. Aching.
The best thing Amanda Marcotte has ever done is inspire that riff. So, there’s that!
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