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The Cost of Real Community: Showing Up When It's Inconvenient

Lee Ji-eun/Yonhap via AP

Americans, many of us, at least, have lost the art of being a friend and offering hospitality. Our lives are busy. Children have organized activities one after another, both parents work, children go to daycare, and at the end of the day, the family helps the children complete homework before the whole of the family collapses into bed. This leaves little time for reaching out to our communities and forming bonds with others. This is a huge mistake.

Being a friend and a successful villager will take work. It takes showing up. It means a sacrifice of your time and treasure. It means taking initiative and not assuming someone else will handle it. It means putting oneself out with no expectation of anything in return. 

My Dad was wonderful at this. He was always the first to offer someone a ride to the airport, help with a household project, or a trip in the boat for fun or to fish. He hosted parties at our home constantly. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Super Bowl, Labor Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day,  and Saturday College Football Games were always at our hours. My Dad showed up to every single baseball game for my son and kept the book. On several occasions, I saw him slip Cash to fathers at our church struggling with young families for Christmas presents. In the last six months of his life, one of his friends needed to drive his mother home to Virginia from Florida. My Dad didn't want him going alone, so he rode with him. He loved a road trip. It's not surprising his funeral was standing room alone. He had been an amazing villager and his village showed up for him. Through all of this, my Father often worked multiple jobs. He always worked two jobs, his regular job and a member of the Florida National Guard. Still he made time.

My son is often the first person his friends call on to move. He is a big man and he has a truck. He never fails to show up. He learned the art of making and keeping friends from my Dad.

Join the village, participate in the village or the village may view you as the idiot and leave you behind.

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