Happy 4th of July from the always awful folks a Jezebel!

You see, since America is very, very bad — or something — writer Joan Summers suggests we rename today to “literally anything else. Here are her suggestions:

Everyone Posts the Same Flag Cake on Instagram Day (Hazel Cills)
Unionize Your Workplace Day
MoviePass Memorial Day
Legalize Marijuana (And Release All “Drug Offenders”) Day
Crash Didn’t Deserve An Oscar Day
Old Town Road Day
Kamala Harris Is Still a Cop Day
Hot Dog Day (Megan Reynolds)
Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston Memorial Day (Julianne Escobedo Shepherd)
It’s Ok To Wear Those Flip-Flops Day
Reparations Are An Essential Political Agenda For Any Democratic Candidate Hoping To Be Elected Day
Yes You Can Eat Three Ice Creams Today Day (Alexis Sobel Fitts)
Abolish ICE Day
De-platform Gwyneth Paltrow Day
Charlie’s Angels 2: Full Throttle Is A Better Movie Than The Original Day
Rihanna’s Side Boob Day

Well, there probably would be fireworks for “Rihanna’s Side Boob Day” so that one makes sense. The others? Pfft.

And we eagerly await Jezebel’s reaction to Trump and his 4th of July tanks later today:

Soon. . .

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