Moby may have sexually assaulted Donald Trump, but he was 'very drunk and high at the time' so he's not '100% sure it actually happened'

Greg P. | 9:53 AM on April 30, 2019

The Daily Beast ran an excerpt from singer Moby’s new memoir and it included this bit where he admitted that he may have sexually assaulted Donald Trump:

EXCLUSIVE: Moby, aka @thelittleidiot, recounts the time he drunkenly rubbed his penis on Trump: "I think I knob-touched Donald Trump.” https://t.co/gQs2EXH71I

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) April 29, 2019

But he was “very drunk and high at the time,” so it may not have actually happened:

The degeneracy in this story was in the baffling/gilded category, with the aforementioned helicopter to Staten Island and a generic product launch party wherein I was dared to brush my drunken, flaccid penis up against Donald Trump’s suit jacket. Although, in the spirit of alcoholic disclosure, my caveat is this: as I was very drunk and high at the time I’m still not 100% sure it actually happened.

I drank a shot of vodka to brace myself, pulled my flaccid penis out of my pants, and casually walked past Trump, trying to brush the edge of his jacket with my penis. Luckily he didn’t seem to notice or even twitch.

I walked back to my friends and ordered another drink. “Did you do it?” Clarice asked.

“I think so. I think I knob-touched Donald Trump.”

You see, Moby was shaken up by 9/11, which he dealt with by getting drunk and rubbing his exposed genitals on people he didn’t like:

After September 11, 2001, the only way in which I knew how to process my grief was to stay drunk, do as many drugs as possible, and throw myself into whatever degeneracy flowed out of New York’s perpetually degenerate spigot. Sometimes the degeneracy was gritty and old school—cheap drugs in dive bars and sex in tetanus-y bathrooms. And sometimes the degeneracy was gilded—helicopters to Staten Island and parties with billionaires.