There is an old saying that whenever someone, especially a politician, offers an opening statement followed by the word 'but,' you can ignore everything that comes before the but.
For instance, like Tim Walz once said, 'I support the First Amendment, BUT we should place limits on free speech.'
This rule almost always holds up. But based on recent coverage of certain news events, we may need to add a corollary to that axiomatic adage:
Whenever someone starts a statement by saying, 'According to CNN ...', you can ignore everything that comes after the 'CNN.'
Last night, a hilarious trend started on Twitter to illustrate this new rule. It started with CNN's claims (based on their usual suspicious sourcing) that the recent U.S. bomb strike against Iranian nuclear facilities really didn't cause any serious damage.
'According to CNN,' was most prominently displayed by leftist engagement farmer, and general all-around lawn flamingo Brian Krassenstein, though others like Ed Krassenstein and Harry Sisson soon picked it up and ran with it.
URGENT BREAKING: According to CNN US intel suggests that Trump's attack DID NOT destroy Iran's nuclear sites and likely ONLY set the program back by 'months'.
— Brian Krassenstein (@krassenstein) June 24, 2025
What an absolute Sh-tshow! pic.twitter.com/Bf05vJYdSX
Ooooh. It's 'URGENT' and 'BREAKING.' That's how you know it must be true.
The only problem is that CNN's 'report' originated with Natasha Bertrand, the infamous architect of 'Russia collusion' and 'Hunter Biden's laptop isn't real.' And Bertrand has exactly no significant sources within the Trump administration. All she had was an initial, low-confidence satellite assessment.
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As Twitchy reported yesterday, everyone from President Trump to Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth hammered her and CNN for another piece of fiction. Even the IAEA has stated that the strikes were devastating.
But we'll thank Krassenstein and Bertrand for one thing, if not the facts. They did spawn a hysterical trend on X, as many people chimed in to note other things that were true, 'according to CNN.'
“According to CNN…”
— 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐠 (@WaywardGreg) June 24, 2025
Yes, according to CNN, men can get pregnant and burning cities to the ground is “mostly peaceful.” https://t.co/Pz2im65eGV
And just like that, the trend was off and running.
According to CNN, Joe Biden was mentally acute until July 2024... https://t.co/9mhHn7IQYE
— Chem-NewHampshire (@CNewhampshire) June 24, 2025
Come on, man! Karine Jean-Pierre and Jen Psaki can barely keep up with him.
According to CNN Biden is as mentally fit as a 25-year-old old pic.twitter.com/a23KATRcHV
— Loading ……. (@Loading579030) June 24, 2025
The best Biden ever. Right, Joe Scarborough?
According to @CNN This is Just a Peaceful Protest… pic.twitter.com/J8pcD5BRt9
— 𝕰𝖒𝕲 (@Emilio2763) June 13, 2025
You know, just some 'peaceful' rocket barrages.
According to CNN and MSNBC this was a mostly peaceful stabbing of the Police Officer. https://t.co/8h5QwZEXnZ
— Mark H (@MarkHut92343683) June 24, 2025
According to anonymous sources at CNN, I'm the thinnest & most attractive woman in the world, and my roots are also naturally blonde.
— Voice of Sanity (@HouseofElon) June 24, 2025
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
LOL. And according to CNN, Olivia Julianna is 'svelte.'
According to CNN, those Iranians who chant “Death To America” shows great goodwill towards the United States and its allies. pic.twitter.com/OfV4m2Mwuf
— Truth Social Media (@drksmedia) June 25, 2025
Yes, believe it or not, that's exactly what CNN's Erin Burnett said yesterday. We even have the video to prove it.
'Death to America' can also have a friendly side to it according to CNN. pic.twitter.com/Y5HoKjDVAU
— ForAmerica (@ForAmerica) June 24, 2025
Yikes.
Maybe jihadists welcomed Burnett so warmly because they recognized that CNN is on their side.
So, in other words, according to CNN, he'll soon be known as Texas Dad.
— Mr. Anderson (@Anderson_47_1) June 25, 2025
We'd be surprised if they haven't started calling him that already.
ACcoRdiNg tO cNn...
— Dennis Prescott (@DennisPrescott6) June 25, 2025
Hillary had a 91% chance of winning the 2016 presidential election.
Hunter's laptop was Russian disinformation.
The Steele dossier was true.
Michael Avenatti would be president one day.
Trump would go to prison...
We can go on and on!
Hahahahahahahaha pic.twitter.com/3RrCHN87EC
CNN is starting to make Jim Cramer's track record look downright impeccable by comparison.
According to CNN Donald Trump made up Iran. It doesn’t even exist and he bombed a mountain for no reason.
— Robin (@Robin199944) June 25, 2025
Wow. That's YUGE, if true.
On June 17th, 2025, according to CNN, there was nothing there to be destroyed. 🤡🤡🤡 pic.twitter.com/GgUyvXt7vw
— M (@more_sea_yam) June 24, 2025
Whoops.
It quickly became clear that 'according to CNN' has about the same weight of truth as the flat earth theory.
According to CNN pigs can now fly. @analysan6 @realDonaldTrump pic.twitter.com/HlfJg2L7KU
— Jwhitty (@Jwhitty16) June 24, 2025
OK, that works too.
'According to CNN' pic.twitter.com/yiIGzAoly1
— Tom (@Tom88206311) June 24, 2025
You lost 80% of the country at “According to CNN”
— IT Guy (@ITGuy1959) June 24, 2025
This doesn’t work anymore.
Eighty percent at a minimum.
People citing Per CNN and according to CNN like: pic.twitter.com/wOWOGXKjCt
— Memes To Meme (@MemesToMeme) June 24, 2025
HA.
"According to CNN"...
— Erica (@RickiD1111) June 24, 2025
My response 👇 pic.twitter.com/nhzTLs0u9p
Every time we hear it, our eyes roll right back into our skull.
“According to CNN” pic.twitter.com/XpcgAqJtUo
— WokeGPT (@bravenstunning) June 23, 2025
Every time I see According to CNN: pic.twitter.com/5bYOkFAGvH
— Memes To Meme (@MemesToMeme) June 24, 2025
LOL. CNN isn't just a collection of apparatchiks; they are also very bad at acting.
"According to CNN" pic.twitter.com/rclm3wSJHY
— RustyMAGA (@lou1_sissy) June 24, 2025
But there was one more 'BREAKING' report yesterday that was devastating to the Trump administration, 'according to CNN.'
According to CNN & NYT's leaked intel source, President Trump's F Bomb didn't detonate where it was intended
— mike ruger (@RugerBncurtis) June 25, 2025
HAHAHAHAHA.
And, we're done.
Except to say that if you ever find yourself trying to bluff your way through a hand of high-stakes Texas Hold 'Em, the worst thing you could possibly tell the other players is, 'According to CNN, I have pocket aces.'
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