Attention, illegal immigrants. If you get apprehended in Florida, prepare yourselves for a severe case of ... reptile dysfunction.
This morning, Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier unveiled a proposal for a new illegal alien detention center smack in the middle of the Everglades.
He calls it: Alligator Alcatraz.
Wow. Talk about cold-blooded.
We love it.
Here are some more details about the proposal from Uthmeier, via Eric Daugherty and Florida's Voice:
🚨 #BREAKING: Florida attorney general proposes creation of new CRIMINAL ILLEGAL ALIEN detention center surrounded by ALLIGATORS and PYTHONS.
— Eric Daugherty (@EricLDaugh) June 19, 2025
"Alligator Alcatraz."
"People get out, there's not much waiting for them other than alligators and pythons. Nowhere to go, nowhere to… pic.twitter.com/j87QAbhv34
... Nowhere to go, nowhere to hide," @AGJamesUthmeier said.
It could be up and running within just 60 DAYS and house up to 1,000 illegals.
'This is an old, virtually abandoned airport facility right in the middle of the Everglades. Florida's been leading on immigration enforcement, supporting the Trump administration and ICE efforts to detain and deport criminal aliens. The governor tasked state leaders to identify places for new temporary detention facilities. I think this is the best one.'
'Alligator Alcatraz. We're ready to go.'
Remember a few weeks ago when someone created an AI parody video of President Trump calling to use cloned dinosaurs to guard the southern border?
Well, leave it to Florida to ACTUALLY DO IT.
This is BASED.
— Breanna Morello (@BreannaMorello) June 19, 2025
It sounds like a snapping good idea to us.
I loves my Florida! https://t.co/9xIoDPoIKN
— Hammerjack (@Hammerjack90) June 19, 2025
https://t.co/dvNvkFRcWw pic.twitter.com/H5OEdE27Ha
— Mark (@mmontuori) June 19, 2025
We think the gators and snakes might be looking forward to it as well.
😳 https://t.co/vi8qKoLFgr pic.twitter.com/6hpdgy4Ofv
— Gordan Freeman (@GordanFreeman45) June 19, 2025
For fans of Peter Pan, maybe the facility should be nicknamed 'The Jolly Roger.'
Swamp Puppy Penitentiary https://t.co/g2NqQ2JobN
— Ross Davidson (@RossDavidson7) June 19, 2025
OK, that's a pretty darn good nickname, too.
Fl is savage and I’m here for it. All. Day. https://t.co/mQCd2LiSut
— KTX in ATX (@kelt8te) June 19, 2025
Technically, we all didn't vote for this because we don't all live in Florida, but nevertheless ... we SO voted for this!
I voted for this! pic.twitter.com/X78sw57wYV
— Pete (@Deepcow1965) June 19, 2025
'FLAFO.'
Perfection.
https://t.co/zGNVEZMaEv pic.twitter.com/EhHziOYl6w
— Exoter56 (@exoter56) June 19, 2025
🐊⚖️ pic.twitter.com/70bWJKlf43
— America_MUST_Unite | #iStandWithTrump (@KaneraChad) June 19, 2025
Somehow, we don't think too many illegal detainees will be trying to escape.
Even better, Senators like Chris Van Hollen likely won't be staging publicity stunts outside the gates demanding to have margaritas with the criminals held within.
But he's welcome to try.
— LuluBrooksie (@lulu_brooksie) June 19, 2025
I didn't have Alligator Alcatraz on my bingo card, but I'll take it! pic.twitter.com/nhHrYnRsuz
— WrestleManiaRN (@WrestlemaniaRN) June 19, 2025
Even some beloved X celebrities might be interested in working there.
Big shout out to @TugboatPhil for his new job as head of security for the soon to be opened, "Alligator Alcatraz"! https://t.co/RKsI3NHXl5 pic.twitter.com/EHq8odoiTT
— Deebs (@DeebsFLA) June 19, 2025
If you know Tugboat Phil, he absolutely would do it.
Alligator Alcatraz, you say? https://t.co/zBN3ov6ouO pic.twitter.com/oWDs9thNc9
— Rory Johnston (@Rory_Johnston) June 19, 2025
HA!
— The Real Parents of Loudoun County (@RealLOCOParents) June 19, 2025
'Prison guards? We got your prison guards right here!'
— 🔥SAIXELA 🆘🇺🇸🌎‼️ (@SAIXELA137) June 19, 2025
We might even be able to transfer a few of those 'Florida border security agents' to the Rio Grande.
If you run, you swim. If you swim, you lose. https://t.co/2nKn42FpQ2
— BlueCat (@OldCatLady45) June 19, 2025
This sounds good 👍🏻 Alligator 🐊 Alcatraz! I been out there, the gators 🐊 are HUGE! No swimming out. https://t.co/wYMQoXgDMJ
— Linda 💕🇺🇸💯% (@Lindam11294) June 19, 2025
Just make sure the gators save some for the snakes.
Not to mention the Florida mosquitoes, which are also gigantic.
Not to mention Florida panthers. They’d like a tasty meal too.
— The Fall Of Rome (@LaCadutaDiRoma) June 19, 2025
Good idea, but we think the Panthers are too busy drinking out of the Stanley Cup, which stayed in America for the thirty-second consecutive year. (Canada is never getting it back.)
— DrM DadsBurner 🇺🇸 (@ric40915) June 19, 2025
That is the smile on all our faces right now.
In all seriousness, some Florida residents, even on the right, have objected to developing on the Everglades, but mostly, the idea received overwhelming support on X today.
This is actually genius. With the airstrip there it's a perfect choice.
— Sunny Royal (@SunnyRoyal26763) June 19, 2025
Within a week of “just run them over”, Florida outdoes the most Florida thing I’ve ever heard with this gem.
— Nick Petrakis (@petrock23) June 19, 2025
And that's why we love Florida.
Illegal immigrant criminals should probably start self-deporting right now before Alligator Alcatraz is built.
Otherwise, they're likely to hear that old saying as they're being handcuffed.
'See you later ...'
Well, you know the rest.
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