There was a time when telling someone to 'touch grass' was an effective bit of advice on social media. No one really uses the phrase anymore because, like many things online, it got overused and people just started saying it to anyone who held a different opinion. But in its original meaning and intent, it was a good splash of water in the faces of people who got so wrapped up in their online bubbles that they lost all sense of decency, rationality, and perspective.
At the risk of re-using what has now become a trite insult, it is definitely time for Jonah Goldberg to touch some grass.
And delete his account.
Last night, Goldberg posted what has to be one of the most insane, irrational, and repugnant analogies for President Trump's approach to ending the Russia-Ukraine war that we have seen, even from some of the most radical leftists. That's saying something.
It's been over 12 hours and we STILL can't believe he said it ... and hasn't deleted it yet.
I don’t like anthropomorphizing foreign policy. But the Trump approach to Ukraine is like saying to a rape victim, “I’ll help you cut this rape short if you sign this document letting me garnish half your wages for the rest of your life.”
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahDispatch) February 23, 2025
Note: not stop the rape, not punish the…
Here is the rest of the tweet:
Note: not stop the rape, not punish the rapist, just taper it off, in part by rewarding the rapist.
AYFKM? Comparing the negotiation of a peace deal to sexual assault?
Goldberg has completely lost it. We can't believe this is the same man who once wrote Liberal Fascism.
Maybe he wrote it as his future playbook, not the warning we thought it was at the time.
Okay don’t do this. Ever.
— GinaNdTonic (@BGBandita) February 23, 2025
This is disgustingly exploitative way to try to make your point. https://t.co/uaSCGo1hbb
The man has no shame.
https://t.co/NUWgRPJNHj pic.twitter.com/2xe4vswNnT
— Ned (@WithTheYew) February 23, 2025
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'Gross and stupid' has become Goldberg's entire personality since Trump entered the political scene back in 2015.
This oleaginous slob needs to be investigated by Vice. https://t.co/LRtmlmdX4O
— Bluesky Libs (@BlueskyLibs) February 23, 2025
'Oleaginous slob.'
Yep. That tracks.
Horrible analogy.
— 🍍Andy Splatz🍍 (@AndySplatz) February 23, 2025
That $200B the US has given them is considered a loan. What the Trump admin is asking for is repayment.
I’m ignoring this disgusting take and reminding you that they want to continue a war Trump is urging them to end and we are the only ones that have sent aid without anything in return. If he wants war, I think we should get something.
— Bleu Cheque (@VERBAL_CHANCLA) February 23, 2025
Of course, Goldberg is completely wrong on the facts of the peace negotiations, but that's almost beside the point, given the depravity of his analogy.
In true Goldberg fashion, though, he tried to double down on his take in the replies.
Make an argument or be ignored. Your opinion absent an argument is less than meaningless to me.
— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahDispatch) February 23, 2025
This writer has some experience in engaging with Goldberg online. This is one of his favorite tactics. He tweets something completely false and deranged, then when people call him out on it, he pretends that he is the intellectual superior in the argument.
It doesn't work. But we're sure it makes Goldberg enjoy the smell of his own flatulence.
Bro you have weird sick things on your mind
— Chris (@chriswithans) February 23, 2025
This is just weird. https://t.co/YisCFoYgjZ
— Dr. Conservative Thought Leader™️ (@BigJebBos) February 23, 2025
It's not just weird. It's revolting.
He’s going clinically insane. https://t.co/C48iAMlZq5
— Mr. E (@myster_E_23) February 23, 2025
It's pretty safe to say, at this point, that we can update the word 'going' to 'gone.'
Uh, Jonah? I hate to break it to you, but what you’re saying is not even closely related. Like, at all. https://t.co/KWoTy3qznz pic.twitter.com/KnozxCHsD0
— Agent Eddie (@Eddie7757) February 23, 2025
He absolutely needs to put down his phone and turn off his laptop.
In case you were wondering "is Jonah ok these days?" here's your answer. https://t.co/lxgIyb1Qsc
— HoodlumDoodlum (@HoodlumDoodlum) February 23, 2025
He is NOT okay. He is not CLOSE to okay. He left okay in his rearview mirror several years ago.
Does he think anthropomorphizing means making a creepy rape analogy? https://t.co/2rog2V6zZ4
— Above Party (@TheAboveParty) February 23, 2025
Goldberg should seek some professional help. And truckloads of medication.
"but"
— Slicin' Hammer ⚠️ (@SlicinHammer) February 23, 2025
Shoulda been a clue, dude. https://t.co/ey7KgPWjNx
As is always the case, when someone starts with a reasonable premise and then adds 'But ...', you can ignore everything that preceded the 'but.'
hm… pic.twitter.com/XG90QI8c62
— Hugh Retard (@HughRetard) February 23, 2025
Yikes. It's scary to see how much Goldberg seems to like that word.
Get a grip. weirdo.
— bobbyfinstock (@bfinstock9_0) February 23, 2025
It's just not possible, sadly. He is way too far gone down the road of endless war.
Not to mention Trump Derangement Syndrome.
He's just a bearded version of Bill Kristol or Liz Cheney now.
— Virtus Aeternum (@VirtusAeternum) February 23, 2025
https://t.co/WawYHOtxeC pic.twitter.com/Gw7lAUzBn8
— Vlad (@OrwellsNotebook) February 23, 2025
What soul? We see no evidence of that in Goldberg's tweet.
If he has one, though, God may indeed have mercy on his soul and Jesus may forgive him.
But we ain't Jesus.
Jonah Goldberg could go out and touch every blade of grass on God's green earth and he likely will never make it back to sanity. Or decency.
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