It's Sunday here at Twitchy, and you know what that means. We've had it about up to our necks with everything Clown World, from 'pride' month to pro-Hamas protesters to the non-stop gaslighting coming out of Washington and the media. So, here is a little bit of fun.
This one's mostly for the Gen Xers (and OK, you boomers too) who remember that one of the biggest fears of our childhood -- after nuclear annihilation, of course -- was getting trapped in quicksand. You couldn't even turn on a television in the 60s, 70s, or 80s without someone slowly sinking in a sandy quagmire. It haunted our nightmares like getting lost in the Bermuda Triangle did.
And now it's ACTUALLY HAPPENING.
Consider our PTSD triggered.
Woman gets trapped in quicksand while walking on popular Maine beachhttps://t.co/snDA563qjC
— Boston 25 News (@boston25) June 8, 2024
The story out of Maine was first reported by the Associated Press, which naturally, didn't include too many details in the headline. They just wanted to scare the bejeezus out of aging Gen Xers.
Jamie Acord was walking at the water’s edge at Popham Beach State Park over the weekend when she sunk to her hips in a split second, letting out a stunned scream. She told her husband, 'I can’t get out!'
'I couldn’t feel the bottom,' she said. 'I couldn’t find my footing.'
Within seconds, her husband had pulled her from the sand trap, the sand filled in, and the stunned couple wondered: What just happened?
It turns out that quicksand, known as supersaturated sand, is a real thing around the world, even in Maine, far from the jungle locations where Hollywood has used it to add drama by ensnaring actors.
Thankfully, real life is not like in the movies.
People who are caught in supersaturated sand remain buoyant — people don’t sink in quicksand — allowing them to float and wriggle themselves to safety, said Jim Britt, spokesperson for the Maine Department of Agriculture, Conservation and Forestry.
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YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US THIS WHEN WE WERE 10 YEARS OLD, JIM BRITT.
The greatest peril of my 1970s Saturday morning TV-watching childhood has returned… https://t.co/Fs7KhXGEaj pic.twitter.com/Ri9ZzQ3M0v
— Garrick I - Rex Britannia - Imperator Americae (@Boydesian) June 8, 2024
Every Baby Boomer knows what to do. https://t.co/rENapwop3o
— D.B. Taylor, now with 16% more Hottentot! (@DBTayor) June 8, 2024
https://t.co/WH0wLMHUlz pic.twitter.com/GPacXbXPuL
— Sean The Producer (@SeanTheProducr) June 9, 2024
You can tell she wasn't Gen X, we trained for this moment most of our childhood. https://t.co/rkjRrwEG7A
— Ordnance Jay Packard, Esq. (@OrdnancePackard) June 8, 2024
Just like when we hid under our desks to protect us from inbound nuclear missiles, we would practice lying flat on the grass to escape quicksand.
As a kid I spent too much time playing 'the floor is lava' and not enough time focusing on quick sand survival.
— Mark (@UncoverFacts) June 8, 2024
Hopefully the skills are transferable. https://t.co/objMHgdpMz
We practiced that one a lot too.
But don't worry, the AP being the AP, they found another aspect of this story to try to scare everyone with:
In this case, climate change played a role in the episode at the state’s busiest state park beach, which draws more than 225,000 visitors each year, Britt said. A series of winter storms rerouted a river that pours into the ocean, softening the sand in area where beachgoers are more apt to walk, necessitating the placement warning signs by park staff, he said.
Because OF COURSE it's 'climate change.'
LOL. Yeah, nobody's buying that, Mr. Government Spokesman.
Quicksand you say? This climate change is pure hell. 😫😂😂 https://t.co/87ysfGKEAV pic.twitter.com/hkcq6yvduz
— Kristi (@TheyCallMeNans) June 9, 2024
Don't worry. If you just pay more taxes, we can eliminate the scourge of quicksand in our lifetime. It's settled science, after all.
Playing a lot of Atari growing up is helpful too.
"WHERE ARE THE VINES TO SWING OVER THIS SH*T????"
— Inappropriate Ray of ☀️ (Sworn Enemy of Rufus!) (@MrsRotnjetski) June 9, 2024
-Me, probably https://t.co/GRHSm1Aeu2
Every Gen Xer alive just heard this music in their heads.
It's an 8-bit symphony to our ears.
Come on, man! Quicksand was on every TV show when we were growing up for a reason! TV Land saves lives!
— Rick “No One” Robinson 🇺🇸 🇮🇱 (@RowdyRick73) June 9, 2024
Hey, we didn't watch Gilligan's Island for nothing. We learned how to survive ANYTHING with that show.
There is a vine hanging from a tree around quick sand...always. Everyone knows this.
— Rowen (@MichelleB794652) June 9, 2024
This is also true for lightning sand, as the Dread Pirate Roberts could have told you.
Johnny Quest is no longer providing the youth an education on the danger or quicksand. Sad.
— Chilhowee (@Imright_1) June 8, 2024
Hanna-Barbera prepared us for this exact moment.
— Never Mind (@NeverMi49223793) June 9, 2024
It was all true, the quicksand, the 10 spiders you swallow while you sleep, Mikey from the life cereal box dying after pops rock in soda, all of it was true
— powerwords (@poisedspeech) June 9, 2024
Don't forget all those spider eggs in packages of Bubble-Yum.
(Throws rope with lasso). Dang that was lucky. Doggone near lost a $400 handcar. https://t.co/U6w2QEvxzA
— Sir Guy of Gisbourne 🦅 (@SirGuyGisbourne) June 8, 2024
HAHAHA. If you get that reference, this is why we love you, Twitchy readers.
Actual chance of dying in quicksand: .0000000000000000000001%
— Super 70s Sports (@Super70sSports) March 28, 2024
Chance of dying in quicksand in every 70s kid’s mind: 50/50. pic.twitter.com/D4G7nXv8GN
Come on. It was at least 70 to 80 percent.
IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING! https://t.co/Yz8BdwC9b3
— 🌞 Duchess of Summertime Sadness 🇺🇸 (@AnnaDsays) June 9, 2024
I KNEW THIS WAS A DANGER AROUND EVERY CORNER. https://t.co/ZgTksBFAXC
— Stevie J. West (@StevieWestAgain) June 8, 2024
It was either quicksand or someone who wanted to sell us drugs.
Going out on a limb here but was there any chance she slipped on a banana peel causing her to fall into the quicksand?? https://t.co/i41X5Sw3s5
— jim iuorio (@jimiuorio) June 8, 2024
This is the most likely explanation.
The good news is, as we learned from The Beastmaster, if you have a couple of ferrets on hand with whom you share a psychic bond, you never have to fear quicksand.
Guys, we are so back… https://t.co/iKckXLeeil
— Nobody (@WestMichAnon) June 9, 2024
Gen X has been waiting for this moment our whole lives.
Now, if we could just convince the 'olds' to retire and let us take over the reins of the world, we can protect humanity from the slow, sinking fate of deadly quicksand.
Just don't ask us about The Neverending Story, OK?
Like, not ever.
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