One of the fun things about college bowl season is the weird names that so many of the bowls have, due to their sponsors. There is the Avocados From Mexico Cure Bowl in 2023, the Bad Boy Mowers Gasparilla Bowl in the late 2010s, and -- one of our all-time favorites -- the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl back in the late 90s. Weird bowl names pre-date sponsors though. Back in the 1940s and 50s, we had the Salad Bowl (clever), the Glass Bowl, the Raisin Bowl, and the Refrigerator Bowl.
All things considered, having the Pop-Tart Bowl in 2023 seems pretty tame by comparison. But that's before we got a hold of the mascot ... and what they did to that mascot at the end of the game.
It all started out pretty harmless. The game, featuring Kansas State vs. N.C. State (if anyone cares about that), was accompanied by a fun mascot dressed up as ... well, as a Pop-Tart obviously. Like most mascots, its job was to dance around and keep people entertained during the game and in between plays.
It soon became clear that this mascot was determined to party and entertain like it was its last day on earth (cue the chilling foreshadowing).
It began with the mascot -- aptly named 'Strawberry' -- emerging to fireworks and huge fanfare from a giant toaster at the beginning of the game.
Then you have the anthropomorphic Pop Tart mascot dancing on top of a giant toaster. You would think the toaster was the natural enemy of the Pop Tart but he is loving it. pic.twitter.com/Bv9YzsN3EU
— Peter Miller (@TheCricketGeek) December 29, 2023
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Strawberry wasn't about to let a toaster keep it down.
Strawberry proceeded to dance around with the Kansas State and N.C. State mascots ... and, frankly, completely outshine them with its fantastic spin moves.
The edible pop-tart mascot dancing with the other mascots. @PopTartsBowl pic.twitter.com/FWc3EWGkZ9
— Gifdsports (@gifdsports) December 29, 2023
Wait, what do you mean, 'edible'?
We'll get back to that. Strawberry was so good, it even had the police and the referees cracking up throughout the game.
The Pop-Tarts mascot is having the absolute time of their life tonight😂
— PFF College (@PFF_College) December 29, 2023
pic.twitter.com/BSQcSEaZWd
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023
This how every mascot sexual harassment in the workplace video is going to start from now on.
— The Value Formula (@finance_toolbox) December 29, 2023
Hey, now. Strawberry was just having some innocent fun. No need to go there.
your chances of getting killed by a pop-tart are low, but never zero
— Ted Mosby (@staudty12) December 29, 2023
OK, that seems ominous, but it was all still pretty harmless.
Strawberry went beyond dancing though and soon took it upon itself to help out by catching missed field goals with a giant fishing net.
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023
LET THE POPTART THING KICK THE FIELDGOALS!!
— Billy&TheCloneASaurus (@rubock) December 29, 2023
Uh-oh. The kicker's union probably was not too happy about getting shown up like that. Warning signs were starting to appear for Strawberry.
Long live PopTart
— Lost Tribe Sports (@LostTribeSports) December 29, 2023
Yeah, this was our sign: it was not going to end well for Strawberry.
Finally, the game was over. Kansas State beat N.C. State 28-19 and it was time for Strawberry to lead the celebration.
Fun times, right? More like a Lovecraftian nightmare about to unfold before our very eyes.
Welcome to Pop-Tart Sacrifice 2023:
Here we are... the edible mascot in the Pop-Tarts Bowl.. pic.twitter.com/0XgKGoXseS
— PJ Green (@PJGreenTV) December 29, 2023
WHAT THE HELL DID WE JUST SEE?
It got even worse, as images began to emerge of post-sacrifice Strawberry (warning: graphic content ahead).
NOOOOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/Ao7xsJZqgc
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023
no… No… NOOOO!
— no context college football (@nocontextcfb) December 29, 2023
look how they massacred my boy pic.twitter.com/7o3qdd1Puy
The savagery, the brutality, the pure, unbridled bloodlust (or strawberry jamlust, as the case may be). It was all just too much for this writer to take. Even the players at Florida State, who weren't even playing in the Pop-Tart Bowl, had to look away in horror.
— Cole Adams (@coleadamss) December 29, 2023
Famous sports commentator Stephen A. Smith was equally aghast.
— Geaux Ducks (@GeauxDuck) December 29, 2023
— The Write Doug Miller (@WriteDoug) December 29, 2023
— Isaac Remak (@IsaacRemak) December 29, 2023
Damn left an eye? That’s sadistic
— Brad Greenway (@BradGreenway) December 29, 2023
Even the human sacrifices of the Aztecs and Mayans weren't this cruel or heartless (but the late Tom Petty might have been).
— Shea Sullivan (@sheabsullivan) December 29, 2023
— Agg1e5 (@Agg1e5) December 29, 2023
— Jason_GoTech (@Jason_GoTech) December 29, 2023
This is worse than anything that the crew from WKRP in Cincinnati ever did to a turkey.
NOOOOOOO STRAWBERRY pic.twitter.com/a6BRZn8049 https://t.co/6Q3AfjD3Zx
— HAWAI'I BOWL CHAMPIONS (@coastalplswin) December 29, 2023
Enough is enough. People need to answer for the massacre of Strawberry, who was sacrificed to the football gods in front of a national television audience.
We are sorry for bringing this carnage to you, Twitchy readers, but the truth must be told. That is how we honor Strawberry's memory and make sure this never happens to another mascot again.
After all, the Tony The Tiger Sun Bowl takes place later this afternoon and we must do everything we can to protect our beloved Tony.
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