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Rolling Stone Has a Galactically Dumb Explanation for Nobody Watching Woke Star Wars

Fuzzy Chimp (adapted from Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay)

A short time ago in a galaxy far, far away … Rolling Stone served up the biggest steaming pile of bantha fodder we've seen in some time.

To summarize the article: 'If Star Wars fans keep refusing to eat the giant crap sandwiches we're trying to feed them, they may not have the chance to eat more giant crap sandwiches.'

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According to Rolling Stone's CT Jones, the reason new Star Wars shows like The Acolyte are failing is because a 'vocal minority' of misogynistic and racist fans who loved the original Star Wars films that prominently featured white male characters like Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Lando Calrissian, Yoda, and Chewbacca are being so racist-y that nobody is watching the shows … or something like that.

The Jedi-like ability of a 'small minority' of fans to prevent the presumably larger majority of Star Wars fans from also not watching is nearly as impressive as completing the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs.

We can picture it now. Would-be adoring fans of The Acolyte are about to immerse themselves in this cinematic masterpiece when Jimbob suddenly turns them away with a wave of his hand.

'This ain't the show yins are looking fer.'

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And the truth is: Your content sucks and you're ruining a homerun moneymaker because you think your role is to force people to think like you instead of entertaining people.

Is there any other industry as out-of-touch with their purpose currently than the film industry?

It's loaded with narcissistic left-wing producers, directors, and actors who want to make political statements instead of entertaining films.

It's like McDonald's switching to an all-salad menu and then berating their customer base for refusing to dine with them because they're obstinately pining for the good old days of the Big Mac.

That's the worst part of it. They know they're creating content that most people won't want to watch, so they start pinning their failures on racist bogeymen as early as possible.

Are people being turned off by leftist attempts to turn the franchise into Woke Wars? Absolutely, and they should be.

Activist producers and directors could sneak their woke trash into Star Wars films like they do every other bit of media these days. Instead, they're trying to sneak some Star Wars into their woke propaganda. People who just want a good Star Wars story aren't going to watch that.

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You could put a handful of GenX Star Wars fans in a room for a weekend and they could probably come up with a storyline that would net Disney bigger profits than most of the swill they're producing these days.

We hope nobody at Disney sees this. They'll already be thinking 'What if we made the CGI hamster non-binary and they/them befriends a Wookie who identifies as a Gungan and then … '

Hopefully, Disney eventually realizes it's not very hard to entertain people with the Star Wars universe and you can make a whole lot of money doing it. Until then …

Help us, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope.

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