TMI: People React to Man Posting Creepy Statistics About Being Up at Night

Do you ever find yourself staring in disbelief at a social media post, failing miserably to answer even the most basic question: 'Why?'

Well, that's where we found ourselves this morning when this bit of insanity popped up on our timeline from Twitter/X user Bryan Johnson (yes, we're serious).

My night time erections are now better than the average 18 year old.

Last night was 179 minutes. Here's the data.

Night time erections are a biomarker for cardiovascular, physiological and sexual health. pic.twitter.com/OJRWyhgJKi

— Zero /dd (@bryan_johnson) February 11, 2024

Yeah, this is not going to be our typical hard news piece. We were stuck somewhere between 'We saw it and now you do too' and 'These replies are just too funny not to share'. So here we are. You're welcome.

Sir, this is a Wendy’s pic.twitter.com/21PN9rBfGX

— Dustin Burnham (@dustinthedad) February 11, 2024

This dude measured THAT and then decided to post it on Twitter/X for all the world to see. Social media was a mistake.

I was just trying to have a nice day, and then this show up on my timeline pic.twitter.com/nmofJYFa1e

— Angie G (@MomAngtrades) February 11, 2024

But he had a chart! That makes it all professional and stuff. LOL.

Sir the FitBit goes on your wrist https://t.co/EfLFRNKstl

— PollySolipsism (@PollySpin) February 11, 2024

Bwahaha!

You’re still gonna die someday, though

— JayJay McMaster, CD (@tantrumblue1) February 11, 2024

Visitation at the funeral home might be extremely awkward.

pic.twitter.com/hzqhMZuS8p

— ᴛʀᴀᴅᴇʀᴊᴏᴇ (@traderjoe155) February 11, 2024

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Grateful Calvin

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There were some fans, but the general consensus was a resounding 'Bro! What are you doing?'

And you thought navel-gazing was bad https://t.co/SArZ7t0o1a

— Your Highness Chrispy (@candyisyummy333) February 11, 2024

Every time we think things can't get weirder, something like this arises.

Johnson and Johnson

— The Bitcoin Shaykh (@BitcoinShaykh) February 11, 2024

Ha!

Appreciate the update Bryan 🫡

— Robot James 🤖🏖 (@therobotjames) February 11, 2024

Thanks, Bryan. We've all been dying to hear the latest stats.

'Hey, did you see Kansas City has a 7.3% drop rate heading into the Super Bowl?'

'Yeah, dude, that doesn't bode well for the Chiefs. I also saw that Bryan Johnson from Twitter is now up to 179 minutes of … '

thank you king can you make an online dashboard that i can check every day?

— milton (@miltonlopez_) February 11, 2024

Please do not give him any ideas.

“Thanks for coming to the interview. You have the experience and your résumé looks great, but tell me, what separates you from the other candidates?” https://t.co/lSQuE3cQRV

— Sweet Meteor O'Death (@smod4real) February 11, 2024

(Pulls chart from briefcase.)

this guy thinks 3 hours of erection is special like he’s never watched a golden girls marathon or something https://t.co/rEnssfZMea

— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) February 11, 2024

Speaking of TMI. 👀

"Night time erections are a biomarker for cardiovascular, physiological and sexual health"

And measuring them and putting the data online is a marker for mental illness. https://t.co/sUREPOGkTj

— NiedermeyersDeadHorse aka NDH (@NiedsG) February 11, 2024

Thank you! Some things are better left unposted.

This tweet gets 87% funnier when you read it as the MSM excitedly parroting a desperate, new WH talking point about Biden. https://t.co/TPZ2Autv6z

— NeverTweet (@LOLNeverTweet) February 11, 2024

LOL! Now that's good.

Rest well, Bryan.

***

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