New York Times Magazine Describes ’Heterofatalism,’ The Problem With Dating Men

Speaking as a white male for white males, I have no problem with this.

OK, so it's a parody, but it's just crazy enough to make us believe it. But what about women who want to date men? Jean Garnett has a piece in the New York Times Magazine called "The Trouble With Wanting Men." "Women are so fed up with dating men," says Garnett, "that the phenomenon even has a name: heterofatalism. So what do we do with our desire?"

It's like a title fight of ideologies, heteropatriarchy vs. heterofatalism pic.twitter.com/EWmhUavn2U

— Christopher F. Rufo ⚔️ (@realchrisrufo) July 22, 2025

Garnett writes:

There comes a time, usually, when a few extra beats of eye contact are enough. We passed through these beats, took each other’s wrists and met across the table, which was wide enough to frustrate kissing in the right way, keeping the rest of us well apart. Back at my place he was a little shy, I thought, or a little out of practice, but I felt he wanted me, which was what I wanted — to be organized and oriented by his desire, as though it were a point on the dark horizon, strobing.

“I was really looking forward to seeing you again,” he texted me the following week, around lunchtime, “but I’m going through some intense anxiety today and need to lay low :(.”

“Totally understand,” I replied, but I didn’t. Feeble, fallible “looking forward” is not longing; a man should want me urgently or not at all. I was about to collapse into a ritual of frustrated horniness (fantasy, masturbation, snacks) when a friend urged me to join her and two other women for dinner.

And what a dinner conversation it was. We'll skip past it, most of it, except for this part: "We were four women at a vegan restaurant in downtown Manhattan; we knew what show we were in, and we couldn’t help but wonder, in a smug, chauvinistic way: Where were the men who could handle hard stuff? Like leaving the house for sex?"

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I haven’t been dating long (just the other day my ex-husband and I received our Judgment of Divorce as an email attachment), but long enough to discover that I have a type. He is gentle, goofy, self-deprecating, rather deferential, a passionate humanist, a sweet guy, a “good guy.” He tends to signal, in various ways, his exemption from the tainted category of “men,” and it is perfectly understandable that he would wish to do so. It must be mildly embarrassing to be a straight man, and it is incumbent upon each of them to mitigate this embarrassment in a way that feels authentic to him.

"It must be mildly embarrassing to be a straight man," said the woman, writing about how she can't find a man to have sex with.

Stop it with the heterofatalism. Stop it with sentences such as “heterosexuality queering itself.” Go outside. Sit by a stream. Lean back in the grass. Look at the stars.

— Natalia Antonova 🇺🇸🇺🇦 (@NataliaAntonova) July 24, 2025

Seriously.

“Men are what is rotten in the state of straightness” - Jean Garnett

"Heterofatalism" is so blatantly sexist - the problem with men is men - I'd like to promote more female incel sexual navel-gazing.

Grumpy middle-aged women in open situationships get priority consideration. pic.twitter.com/rWj6XKyxj9

— Hank Campbell (@HankCampbell) July 24, 2025

I am mortified to share a gender with this miserable, wretched, destined-to-be-lonely-forever hag.

Men who’ve managed to steer clear of her should consider themselves lucky. https://t.co/tlsObhkXoq

— Chicks On The Right (@chicksonright) July 22, 2025

A woman (Jean Garnett) who looks like this got a whole front page article in the @nytimes about how men don't want to f**k her

boo hoo 😢😭🥲🥹😿https://t.co/OGWerOrEoP pic.twitter.com/eizMByq3C2

— Red Pilled Beta (@redpilledbeta) July 22, 2025

I'm doing the author of this essay the favor of assuming that she's lampooning the most wildly insufferable sorts of women imaginable. On that basis it's hilarious.https://t.co/KioAteYkU8

— J.D. Tuccille (@JD_Tuccille) July 24, 2025

"Heterofatalism" is either a real thing or she made it up, and it's catching on, because The Times of London published a rebuttal a day later.

My fellow female daters claim their ‘straightness’ dooms them — and they blame all men for their unhappiness. Nothing could be more sexist.

Welcome to heterofatalism | ✍️ Poppy Sowerbyhttps://t.co/cDPEOo1Kji

— The Times and The Sunday Times (@thetimes) July 23, 2025

Poppy Sowerby writes:

Garnett, who chronicles her personal experience with “heterofatalism”, is the tortured heroine of the piece. She explains that heterofatalism — a term coined by Asa Seresin, an Ivy League “sexuality scholar” — goes beyond “heteropessimism”, where women are simply sick of their shitty boyfriends and flaky Hinge dates. Heterofatalism, apparently, is a much darker concept. It claims that all women have been let down by a class of selfish, feckless, feminised men. It ennobles romantic disappointment with the gravity of destiny.

We know where they could find non-feminised men, but we don't think the men would want to get into that mess. It's funny that this comes up the same week that they resurrected the "Doug Emhoff is a sex symbol" piece.

Scott Jennings roasted Catherine Rampell, who announced she's retiring from her job as a columnist at the Washington Post, just yesterday:

All timer. How will the national Discourse survive with these insights? https://t.co/1xGKX8N096 pic.twitter.com/U0NYybnG5a

— Scott Jennings (@ScottJenningsKY) July 23, 2025

I came across a meme earlier today that showed a sad woman with the text going something like, Women Have Finally Achieved Feminism 3.0 … and They're Still Miserable.

A lot of Twitchy writers write about their spouses and marriages and kids and it all seems very normal. My wife and I just celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary and we're still going strong. Could conservatism have something to do with it? And not listening to Ivy League “sexuality scholars"?

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