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I'm not celebrating Pride Month, and here's how it's going

Toronto Blue Jays pitcher Anthony Bass made a hostage video this week apologizing for spreading a video calling for boycotts of Bud Light and Target. Some in the replies couldn’t believe that Bass would invoke the “I have gay friends and family” defense.

It’s like when a white liberal says they have lots of black friends and in their minds, they’re thinking of the steward on the cruise they took five years ago or the black barista at Starbucks. I have gay family and friends. My cousin Jeff was gay. This was way back in the ’70s and he lived in a trailer with his boyfriend Jeff. That Jeff and Jeff were gay didn’t even cross my mind as a kid.

My college girlfriend was gay, which she apparently learned when she left and went to graduate school.

Now I have next-door neighbors who are a gay married couple. We’ve become really good friends: We hang out at each other’s houses, see movies together, and exchange Christmas presents. The great thing is, they don’t fly a Pride flag on their house; right now it’s the American flag for Memorial Day. Their sexuality never comes up, which I think is fine to avoid when talking to neighbors.

Now the LGBTQ community will claim that I want gays back in the closet. Well, I sort of do. We’re on Day 3 of Pride Month — Pride MONTH. A whole freaking month to celebrate people attracted to the same sex. I can’t do a full month of rainbows, I just can’t.

I even have a trans friend who went by “Ken” and worked at Starbucks. I didn’t think she could pass for a man until I loaned her a set of hex wrenches and she never returned them.

ABC News has the audacity to sound the alarm over the growing threat of extremism that hovers over Pride organizers just a couple of months after a trans person shot and killed six people at a Christian school.

That’s it in one tweet. No one cares about your parade. I posted a photo I took at Target of a Pride-themed cat toy … what kind of person centers their life so much around their sexual orientation that they need gay cat toys?

I live in the bluest suburb of a blue city, but I’m fortunate not to have any Pride flags on my street. What’s with that, anyway? Before someone even meets you, the first thing they learn about is your sexual orientation. Why?

I’ve managed to avoid Pride displays and events so far, but we have 27 days to go.

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